My Life as Tidus
Fifth Entry

So a lot of tit has happened since I last wrote in you diary. First of all, I'm on another smurfing boat. I'm sick of these things. At least I've gotten past my fear of the water. No thanks to that Wakka jackass - he pushed me in some random ass lake that was full of pirahnas. To top it off, while I was slashing the smurf out of them trying not to die, he was still messing about with his blitzball! I'm going to smack him in his smug face. Reminds me of these nobs on a show back home in Zanarkand.

After we got to the village - Besaid apparently - I poked around and nicked some potions from a chest I found lying around. Who leaves treasure in chests these days? What a backwater place. Anyway the potions were out of date so I had some pretty nasty stomach pains. Took a nap in Wakka's hut and when I woke up he'd buggered off to some temple. Thought I'd go along. Found out they had some hot chick who like, prays or something. Better not make fun of it any more. I know what you're thinking. "No such thing as god, only god is me and I'm a god of blitz etc" but this tit was off the hook. Moments after she nearly passed out and all, this hot chick stepped out and summoned some weird big bird thing. Valefor or something she called it. I don't know but a girl who can summon giant beasts is arousing. Gonna pay more attention to this Yuna chick.

Oh yeah. So I met some dudes called the Crusaders or whatever. I don't really get what they're on about but they said it was their job to fight Sin. You remember the big stupid ugly whale, right? So turns out it just cruises around the place smashing tit up. Don't know why it bothers with islands like this though, they look too tit. At least Zanarkand was big, ya know? Oh, and so I been talking to a few people, and apparently Zanarkand was destroyed a thousand years ago. I don't know what they're smoking, must be some pretty potent cactuar if you know what I mean, but I refuse to believe that Zanarkand was wiped out entirely and I've ended up a thousand years in the future. Too smurfing weird, man! So anyway I've been telling them I got high off of Sin's toxins and I get confused sometimes and they're all buying it.

Anyway back to that chick Yuna. Seems like she's got this magical journey to get more furry monsters. Sounds hot to me. And because I told Wakka I'd play on his troutty blitz team, I get a free boat ride to some place called Luca. Anyway, conveniently, Yuna is going the same way, so I'll be able to perv a bit more. Bonus: her friend Lulu has massive tits. Better get back to sleep, we're apparently gonna end up at some place called Kilika tomorrow.