Laddy Plays Baldur's Gate For Real This Time!
A young warrior thought for as long as he lived his short life in the dusty old libraries of Candlekeep who he was and what he was meant for. His adoptive father, Gorion, had instilled in him a strong sense of courage, justice, and goodness. However, never has he been told who his parents were and what his true heritage is. All he had were a bunch of really stupid friends and his dreams. Until one day, his thirst for adventure was suddenly and unexpectedly quenched...
Chapter 0: Sir Quin and his Troupe of Amazing Friends
It will be grand. I can feel it in my loins.
The hero of the story, Sir Quin. He is a "righteous" "Paladin". He spent all of his life thinking of [strike]cheap whores and gambling[/strike] adventure. He wishes to do good in the world and restore order to the Sword Coast. He is very strong and hardy, and quite handsome. However, he is quite a dull boy, so he'll pretty much just stick with bashing things and being a big hunky meat shield.
But what is a hero without [strike]cannon fodder who will be replaced by other EoFFers when they inevitably die[/strike] comrades? Have no fear! Sir Quin has many steadfast and loyal allies who will never abandon him! But who are they?
We have the great and wise Pike! Many years has she spent playing Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri and watching My Little Pony, so naturally she is very intelligent and surprisingly...athletic for some reason. Unfortunately, her constant geeking out has caused her to as strong as a box of Kleenex. Poor Pikey Wikey.Also, her sprite is quite...leggy if you know what I mean.
Speaking of long legs, or the lack there of, we have the warrior-priest, I'm My Own Minister! Huxley is determined to spread his totally dogmatic secular humanism to the world at any cost! He's a decent fighter so he can be a one-man holy war if necessary, but his Wisdom grants him excellent healing capabilities. Yay!
Also, we have Shorty the Hippie, who's a druid for the double healing. She's a mediocre fighter, but her very high wisdom is sure to make her the main healer. Just don't ask to bathe. It won't work out. Hippies, you see.
Australia is hard to survive in. With all the stuff that can kill you, you need to understand the wilderness. And that Jiro does! He has insanely good stats, and with his unnaturally high Strength and Dexterity, he'll be able to both wrangle dingos in the front and shoot kangaroos from the back. Also, his high Constitution will allow him to take stings from Box Jellyfish that would fell any lesser Anglo-Saxon. However, he has a low Charisma, causing him to have the social skills of Rain Man. He's a real excellent archer.
You see, any lame D&D party would have a thief. But not Sir Quin! He needs the most sexy, awesome, and totally not useless hero in the land! A guy so drop-dead sexy he has lust in his name. The sexual Renaissance Man, Laddy The Lustful! His really high Charisma causes him to be the hottest in the group, but his above-average brain and reflexes makes him a more versatile spellcaster and rogue as well. He will be a KILLING MACHINE. JUST YOU WANT. LIKE LIAM NEESON MEETS TEDDY ROOSEVELT INJECTED WITH BEE VENOM.
So we have the band of legendary heroes, but what about their equipment? Surely they cannot fell the hordes of darkness with their fists? Well, worry not! For Sir Quin has a large sum of money so he can go shop for weapons and armor!
smurf you, fat ass. I'm a goddamn holy and pious Paladin, you ought to treat me with more respect. Douche.
So Sir Quin gets all the best stuff, because he suggested I do this Let's Play. He has Splint Mail, a large shield, a bastard sword, and a helmet, making him a tank of sorts. Also, he wears white and red because I think they're good Paladin colors. Sue me.
Despite resembling a pixelated Jessica Rabbit, Pike is still a wizard. A voluptuous one, but a wizard nonetheless. She can only use limited equipment. So she gets a staff. Awww...
Charles Darwin has blessed Huxley with chainmail, a warhammer, a small shield, and a helmet that cover his eyes. He looks silly. Let's mock him!
Pants are the man! Down with pants! Shorty gets leather armor and a spear, since Druids have a surprisingly diverse equipment selection. I guess she's one of those militant environmentalists. Y'know, the ones that say save the whales and then start killing tourists with AK-47's? She's one of those.
Australia makes people blue. Everyone knows that. Jiro gets studded leather armor, as well as an axe and a bow. He uses the bow because he's so brave he fights ten yards away from the danger.
And of course Laddy, in his intimidating Magenta and Sky Blue, rocks studded leather, a short sword, and a light crossbow. He carries a short sword since he doesn't need to compensate for anything.
And the party walks down the road after dumping some quarterstaffs. Play this for enhanced epicness. There is no way this could possibly go wrong.
And so the epic adventure begins! Next Time: Daring Combat! Amazing Quests! Death! Betrayal! Pointing and Clicking!
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Originally Posted by Bunny
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