1. I never showed up at a funeral of a murder victim today when my presence was expected because it was 'a bit nippy'.
2. I've dumped a girl because i hated her name and couldnt bring myself to say it anymore. Her name was Perpetua. You can't even make a cute nickname out of that for smurf sake.
3. I once got got smacked by a fella who was like 6 foot 5 inches of unnecessary. the next week i seen a mate of his who is considerably smaller. I knocked the jolly outta him in revenge. He'd done nothing....but he was smaller. Guilty by association I call it. All his fault. smurf Up.