My suggestions are in no way healthy or legal and could easily land you some serious jail time, so I shall stay quiet.

Or you could pretend my dad's moved into your head. "YOU LAZY S.O.B.! GET IT DONE! YOU DON"T KNOW NOTHIN' 'BOUT LIFE!"

.... That probably didn't help at all. Never did me any good, anyway...

Yes. My dad really does talk to me like that sometimes (a lot). He's an un-funny Red Forman. If he says he's gonna shove his foot up your ass, you better run as fast and as far as you can in the opposite direction 'cuz he really means it.