3. Slaves to Armok: God of Blood Chapter II: Dwarf Fortress
PC, 2006
Originally Posted by
Psychotic
Ladies and gentlemen, Spoonproblems has fallen. Iceglow tried to save it and could not, and so I tried to do it instead. I started with 33 Dwarves.
A list of what happened:
- The ice had frozen over the entrance so no Dwarf could get out. Demon Dude had destroyed the still too. Therefore they were all dehydrated. I hacked the ice away.
- Dignified Pauper and eternal essence can stop gloating as they died of thirst right after DD handed over power. As did the likes of Champagne Supernova, Del Murder, I'm my own MILF, Geniux Lynx, ShlupQuack and Angel Wings 8.
- Demon Dude had promoted himself to Sherriff and hacked Red Pill and TrollHunter to death with his woodsman's axe. I deposed him as Sherriff.
- The rotting corpses were causing everyone to go mad. The great hall was basically pure purple from the rotting miasma. Every Dwarf was tantruming and stopping.
- To counter this I built a morgue which by the end was filled up entirely:
- Demon Dude slashed up Iceglow and SuperMillionaire, hospitalising them. SM is a child and DD hacked a lung out. Yeah. I did not have a Doctor after Quin died so I appointed Furnace Operator Roto13 to the role of Chief Medical Dwarf. He celebrated his appointment by chasing a guinea pig around, kicking it, before lunging at it off the Spoonproblems bridge and into the moat, trapping himself down there. I did not bother to rescue him.
- My first ever Fell Mood!
- Typical. I got turned into a pair of pants. No exaggeration, she killed me and turned me into a pair of Dwarf Leather Pants.
- Clo went Berserk, beat Leader of Mortals to death and then fought the new Expedition Leader, Rostum. The two killed each other. Iceglow became the new Expedition Leader.
- Demon Dude finished what he started and axed the brand new Expedition Leader to death as he lay in his hospital bed. He claimed the title of Expedition Leader for himself; I decided to lock him in the hospital.
- Brennan then went berserk and murdered Jessweeee (karma, bitch) and then stalked the great hall, killing various animals. I felt I had no choice but to let Demon Dude out to fight him.
- Pike killed Brennan with her pick, but suffered grievous wounds.
- Dignified Pauper's ghost appeared out of nowhere and killed rubah.
- lil orphan baby NorthernChaosGod stopped crawling around looking for the bodies of his dead parents and died of thirst. Depressing.
- Demon Dude finally went berserk, and killed Lekana. I locked him in the morgue after he chased a Guineacock in there. King of all the Rotting Corpses.
- DK then went berserk and beat Rye and Laddy into a wall. He threw smittenkitten into a wall, slaying her. Then he and BoB went toe-to-toe - BoB being a legendary miner with a pick, DK being a badass fighter. DK killed BoB, but BoB smurfed DK's lungs up with his pick and DK eventually passed out dead.
Population of Spoonproblems at this point:
- Roto13, stuck in a ditch.
- Pike, unconscious with a broken foot.
- SuperMillionaire, child, missing a lung and lying in hospital.
- Demon Dude, berserk, locked in a morgue and about to starve.
The Famous Four.
The situation is unrescuable, but completely smurfing hilarious.
LOSING IS FUN!
Enough said.