Ah, cack weasles. I really wanted to avoid a hard reset. Softs were ineffective, but I was hoping for some other workaround. I'm in Guiyang, China (i.e. the death of all technological sense), and I very strongly doubt I'll have access to the manual and other things. Guess I'll just have to hope it resets properly, haha.

Also, I can't access the router settings, but in order to complete a hard reset, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna need to access the router settings. Will a hard reset allow me back through via 192.yadda.yadda?

Presumably my network access is all fine and dandy, so could I not just plug in a new router and have all my problems be sorted? It seems too simple...