Man gets it on with pasty!?!

[Carl the Llama]

Possibly nsfw

Never have I been more ashamed of my countrymen.

[blackmage_nuke]

It's his fault for ramming it into the pasty. First you use your fingers then you enter gently. Also chicken pasty borders on both Beastiality and Necrophillia (not that I have a problem with what Necrophiles do as long as the other party consented before death), call me a traditionalist but I prefer some kind of fruit or vegetable filling for the purposes of pastry smurfing.

[Psychotic]

Oh Steve, what wacky mischief will you get yourself into next?

[Bubba]

Greggs is also my go-to retailer when I want to pleasure myself with food. He clearly just chose the wrong product.

Personally, I opt for the Mexican Chicken Baguette. Even when heated up it wouldn't reach the high temperature that a pasty would. Also, I find it much easier to hold and the sensation is simply divine.

[Shorty]

Alas, unwed Howard came to a sticky end... a sticky and terribly blistered BELLEND.

I like that they had to mention he was unwed. Because only an unwed man would do something like this.

95% of you are now suspected of performing these same practices in your spare time.

[Shauna]

The Sunday Sport, eh?

[Parker]

lmao @ u if you havent attempted to stick ur peen in the hole in a gregg's donut (fondant ice natch) and tried to get ur gf to eat it off only for her to recoil in horror and dump you for the butcher's son, just lmao.

[Madame Adequate]

Hahaha The Sport

[Kalevala]

Alas, unwed Howard came to a sticky end... a sticky and terribly blistered BELLEND.

I like that they had to mention he was unwed. Because only an unwed man would do something like this.

95% of you are now suspected of performing these same practices in your spare time.

And justifiably so.

[Sephex]

Bellend sounds like a Pokemon.

PASTRY uses STICKY BURN!

It's super effective!

BELLEND was burned!

[Big D]

It's got to be close to April 1 in the UK now, right?
I mean, no-one could really be dumb enough to smurf vigorously with a hot foodstuff and then go to the media when their cunning plan backfired?

[Parker]

you're putting too much faith in The Sport. next to nothing in that rag is true, no matter what the date is.

[Jiro]

You can't sue for something like that, surely.

[Chris]

This has been done far earlier. O:

[Iceglow]

I like the line "I rang one of those solicitors that advertise on the telly, but the person on the other end had some form of coughing fit when I explained my predicament." as a inbound service desk employee I personally know that if this was real and not an April's fool that the coughing fit was the guy on the next phone covering the fact that the person was pissing themselves with laughter.