Let's Harry Potter Games - Help Choose The Next Instalment!

[Miss Mae]

I'm so excited for his character picture.

[Skyblade]

I am just waiting for old Voldie to be a complete joke.

He is a complete joke. All the characters are. Did you read the books?

Sorry, letting my Harry Potter dislike shine through a little too much. I avoided this LP for quite some time specifically because of how much I detest the source material, but I'm thoroughly enjoying the LP so far. Lots of fun commentary, ridiculous game design, and fabulous portraits.

[Shauna]

One terrible hangover later, and I think I’m ready to give this another go.

Only two classes left: Broom Flight Class and History of Magic. History of Magic is boring, so I’ll do that last. Might as well get the fun part out of the way first.

I assume that the Broom Flight Class is in the Quidditch Stadium, which I came across while hunting for herbs.

Lolnope! Once again it’s in a completely arbitrary location – this time being a circle of “path”. Sure thing. I actually stumbled across this completely by accident when heading to the stadium.

Four Gryffindors and one Slytherin? Quite the class.

Harry manages to pick up his broom pretty fast, because he is a pro. Malfoy follows soon after. Neville has a go, and well…

Who else but Neville?!

He comes back down to the ground with quite a bounce. Madam Hooch warns everyone to not go flying by themselves! That would be silly, none of them know how to fly anyway! Malfoy, of course, takes this as an opportunity to take Neville’s Rememberall and fly off.

You’ll regret challenging me, Malfoy! Just you wait until I work out how to fly this broom!

It’s time to take flight, and be the brave hero Neville needs.

Hitting the green bushes slows me down. Lucky I can manoeuvre between them easily!

Alternatively, I could partake in a lame, spaceship-laser-fun-less version of Defender. How disappointing. And slow. Really slow. Although, not as slow as Malfoy, since I catch up to him fairly quickly.

Landing back on solid ground, Madam Hooch is furious.

What exactly? Stop a thief, fly on a broom…?

Uh oh. Before I go back over to her, Neville gives Harry his Rememberall. That gift from his Grandmother. Just gave it away. How inconsiderate.

These are definitely terrible word play. Not a doubt in my mind any longer.

Time to bite the bullet and speak to Madam Hooch about the breaking of that one rule she had.

Please be kind!

Uhhhhhhhhhhh

R-Reward? What? Why?

Now, I realise that Harry is rewarded in the source material for breaking the rules at this juncture (and all others for the rest of his school career, but I digress), but McGonagall had ulterior motives! Madam Hooch has absolutely no reason, not in the source material and certainly not here, to be congratulating Harry for breaking the rules.

I don’t know why there are flying statues. ~Hogwarts~

So here we are, chasing owls and getting House Points for being bad.

Come on now. That is bad.

History of Magic time.

~Many moons later~

I find that Professor Binns is asleep. Thank goodness! If he had been awake, he’d have been terribly annoyed that it took me so long to get here from Broom Flight Class! Especially with that unneeded owl chasing.

Binns wakes up and starts babbling to Harry about his father and Wizard Cards. Apparently James Potter was also an avid collector. There’s a factoid for you! Binns wants the Circe card for some reason, and lo and behold, Harry knows of a shady guy in Diagon Alley who has it.

Go on, leave the school without permission from your legal guardians!

What? No, game. I demand answers. How is it already half term? I have been to six classes! Six! Certainly, they took what feels like a lifetime to get round to each of them and complete their nonsense tasks – but it has definitely not been four months. No. I refuse.

…Ugh.

Hagrid is waiting outside the classroom, for some reason. These people just follow Harry around like vultures. It seems that he has an important task to do.

Not horklumps?! (I forget what horklumps are, but obviously this can be nothing but bad!)

Oh well, that’s okay. I guess we can do this later…

Wow Hagrid. Just… wow.

Or you can be completely terrible and show an eleven year old boy how to not deal with responsibilities. Those horklumps will have destroyed the castle by the time you get back! “Oh, I ‘ad to take Harry ‘ere to Diagon Alley, Professor Dumbledore!” I don’t think that’ll fly as a good excuse for some reason. Although, to be fair, Dumbledore will probably be coming with us as the number two member of the Harry fan club.

Right. In Diagon Alley, I find the shady dealer fairly quickly. He is happy to know of his reputation.

Ah, just the untrustworthy character I was looking for!

He tells me that I need to go into Gringotts and get the card from his vault. Reusing old dungeons already, eh? Well, it is to be expected. Luckily, I’m not wandering around too long as his vault is the first one I happen across! Hooray!

Aaaaand there’s a boss fight inside.

This guy are tough.

Rats again! I am glad they are getting inventive with their enemies. These ones are a slightly different shade of yellow than the previous! (Note: I don’t remember what colour the first boss rat was, do not correct me.)
I take him down with relative ease (read: I didn’t get my ass handed to me) and receive my reward.

Circe better be the best damned Wizard Card ever

Back to the shady cloaked man to return his vault key, and back to Hogwarts with me. Thank goodness. I hope to never see the inside of Gringotts again.

But wait…!

Dun dun dunnnnnnnnn

What creepy foreshadowing is this! I am excited to find out.

Professor Binns thanks me for all the hard work I put into finding the card and tells me I can keep it! How nice, letting Harry have a memento of his father.

I… don’t get it.


Yet more time passes. Something like 6 months, probably.

It is time for dinner. One dinner per term is pretty steep. Don’t know if I could handle that.

Malfoy struts over, apparently still sore over that Broom Flying lesson. As he should be, he got told. Or shown. Whatever, he was just pretty terrible all round.

No fisticuffs!

A wizard duel, eh? I can take him down. I’ve battled rats and suits of armour! Nothing frightens me! Not even Hermione Granger’s nagging!

Just have these… manly urges! You don’t get it, Hermione.

Yeah, yeah. Get over it, girl. I’ve got some ego to stroke.

That night, Ron and Harry plan to sneak out. When suddenly!

YOU!!!

Trying to shake her off, we escape the common room. That’s not enough though, as she follows us out the portrait hole.

Seriously. You’re like a bad penny.

After some more nagging, she turns her nose up at the boys’ thoughtless antics. Thank god, amirite. Go back to bed, woman.

Unfortunately this happens.

I’ll bet she goes wandering. ~wink~

Then Neville shows up.

Yeah, somewhere. Better keep this vague despite being very vocal about it earlier.

It’s okay though, he’ll just stay here and-

Dammit guys, I don’t have time for your crap.

Ugh. How are you supposed to have a polite wizards duel with all these nincompoops around? Malfoy won’t wait forever. Actually, hold on a second, where did Malfoy say he’d meet me?

…

…

D:

[Bubba]

Is it wrong that I totally want to play this game?

Neville's eyes are freaky as smurf. It's like he's swapped them with Filch's cat.

[Shauna]

It just means I'm doing my Let's Play right!

Speaking of Mrs Norris... she may or may not be making an appearance next update!

~foreshadowing~

[Miss Mae]

It's because Binns was sleeping when you arrived. "are awakened to"... "in the wake of"... get it? Oh man, these jokes are dreadful and vague. Somebody was trying really hard.

[Shauna]

That is a terrible stretch.

[Miss Mae]

Oh I know. I'm sure they do too.

[Psychotic]

YOU!

I swear I've seen footage of that broomstick defender chase many years ago but can't remember where.

[Shauna]

Using my amazing skills, I find out that I’m supposed to go to the Trophy Room to meet Draco. My amazing skills are also known as using the source material – for once they use it!

The trophy room is a few floors down, I found it during my earlier hunts. I’ve unfortunately got to make it past the teachers who are patrolling the floors, making sure students aren’t out of bed.

Hi Hagrid, what’s going on


Hey Professor Sprout! Nice to see you away from the greenhouses!


Narrowly avoided detection by Madam Pince

Their stationary patrols are effective. I mean, they look right at four students wandering around and are like “Nah, nothing going on here”. Useless at their jobs, as expected. I didn’t try and get too close to them, because I could not be bothered getting warped back to the dorm and doing it all over again.

This is a good point to note that I had decided to do some grinding here for money and level ups. I found that it was actually more beneficial to me to not try and save myself in battles. There is no downside to being KO’d in battle. I am taken to the Hospital Wing with full SP and MP, and I lose no EXP or Sickles. So I went up two or three levels on battles just outside of the Hospital Wing by dying if I had to. It is more efficient than trying to use items in/after battles, which are expensive. I’d rather use my money on getting better equipment, which I’ve posted before – it is expensive to keep well equipped. Don’t need to be throwing my money away on items. So yeah, just a tangent here to show how broken this game’s systems are.

Whew, after all that hard work hiding from the teachers, our team make it to the room.

Yes, this seems fine. They said they’d be here!

Just after we arrive, Filch shows up. Seems Malfoy tipped him off! What a dick. And I thought we were going to have a gentleman’s duel! Filch sets Mrs Norris on us.

OH GOD NO MY EYES

My nightmares. All of them. Forever.

Running away, like any normal person should in the face of… that, we stumble upon Snape and Quirrell having a nice conversation.

What hocus pocus is shielding me from their vision?

Quirrell is of course terrified. Snape can be a pretty intimidating guy. He stutters some vague sounding objections before Snape decides he’s had enough of his non-responses.

Seems pretty serious. This philosopher’s stone isn’t that big a deal…

Snape stalks away.

I find myself questioning this. How though.

Neville makes a fair point here. They were standing an arm’s length away from them, how blind are these teachers? Maybe teaching at Hogwarts adversely affects your eyesight. That’s another job off the table, my eyesight is bad enough as it is!

Time to get our detective on though!

Well Hermione, I thought you knew everything.

Harry remembers that Filch is in fact chasing after them and that standing still probably isn’t the best way to escape. The lot of them run into a nearby cupboard. Neville starts stuttering about something.

Nobody is allowed to stutter. Ever.

Giant. Three. Headed. Dog.

Boy was Harry authoritative as a kid. First YOU! And now OUT!? What next!?

The four of them leave the room with the big dog, throwing caution to the wind. Fortunately Filch isn’t there, for some reason! He obviously gave up and went back to his cave. What a good time to stand and have a chat.

Such astute observations. Order of Merlin 1st Class for all!

Hermione has had enough, and demands that they head back to the dorm. Best idea I’ve heard all night, really.

Hopefully she’s not decided to try on her Blue Dress or else they’re pretty screwed…

Past all the observant teachers, we make it back to the dorm in once piece. Hermione has one last nag before heading to bed.

What silly boys.

Neville follows close behind.

Oh Neville, it’s okay to admit you’re scared. I mean, I’m still recovering from Mrs Norris.

Thank goodness those nerds have went to bed, all of this could have been avoided if they hadn’t tagged along! This probably isn’t true, but gotta blame someone here.

Ron and Harry discuss the possibility of speaking to Professor McGonagall about this.

No rule breaking allowed!

Yes, I’m sure that is the worst of their worries at this point in time. They might get in trouble! That has literally not stopped them from doing dumb stuff up to this point. There’s an obvious solution to all this!

Yes, gathering more proof was exactly what I was going for here.

Fine guys, do whatever you want.

Is… forbidding a word? It doesn’t sit well with me.


No. I refuse to accept this.

Wait, game. 7 of what? Spoilers for the next part, we’re moving on to the Hallowe’en Feast. What part of this is anywhere near 7!? What does this even mean?! Dammit! I am so mad about nothing!

After waking up on… 7… Harry decides the best way to start his day is to bitch about Hermione.

Morning! Boy I do hate things don’t you? Time for some bacon!

Ron is always up for this.

Yeah, what a bitch. Pass the jam!

Hermione was nearby though.

How could this happen to me?

How could they indeed. It’s not like you were friends or anything, and that this is some grand betrayal.

Seconds after this, McGonagall tells Harry and Ron to get into the Great Hall because it is time for the feast! She enquires to Harry about Hermione Granger, as she isn’t floating around, and obviously Harry is her best friend who’d know exactly where she is.

Thank goodness for your powers of attention.

Great input from our hero. Harry wanders around looking for Hermione. He bumps into a girl who knows where she went.

How very dare you.

Maybe you shouldn’t have been such a massive knob Harry. Talking crap about someone tends to hurt their feelings. Harry gets over this pretty quickly and heads back over to the Great Hall.

Time for food!

Haha, just kidding, got some plot to do.

Time for Quirrell to stagger over and announce the plot moving on! He passes out. Harry shows some rare legitimate insight following this.

Yes, wouldn’t want her to get any physical pain to go along with that emotional scarring.

Better go find that girl you were cruel to for no reason.

*kick*

The teachers just leave Quirrell lying there. They all go to save the children, but leave a vulnerable person right in the middle of the Entrance Hall. I guess it could be because of their blindness – they simply did not see him there.

Up on the first floor, Snape is acting shifty. As always.

Thank goodness he didn’t see us there right outside the room he came out of.

As we get closer to the girls’ toilet, Ron comments on the ever increasing stench. Girls don’t smell that bad, man.

Slytherins apparently do though! BURN.

Turns out it’s not the girls, it’s…

Good day. Off to the loo, I think!

The troll! Right, Ron! It’s time to go kick some butt!

Just Harry, then.

Or I will just do it myself, why not.

I mean, Hermione clearly could have helped here… Anyone? Hello?

It’s time to duel!

By the power of broccoli, I will destroy you!

He’s not such a big deal, and I take him out. I am becoming pretty wonderful at kicking all the butts in this game.

Ron comes over and acts like nothing much has gone on, and that it’s just some regular Day 7.

You’ve been in here literally the entire time I have, Ron.

What a jerk.

McGonagall comes in right in the nick of time.

Hermione: Hogwarts’ Greatest Liar

Hermione is such a stand up gal. Taking the fall for those jerks. They did save her life, but they were still jerks. Sadly, McGonagall is not happy about this.

Noooooooooooooo!

Dammit, losing points is bad. On the other hand…

Yaaaaaaasssssssssss


Wow Hufflepuff suck.

Gryffindor is still winning! How is this happening!?

Okay.

Despite being told to go back to their dorms, they all hang outside the girls’ toilet. Hermione apologises.

Yeah, you shouldn’t have… known the answers to questions and got your work done and stuff.

Wait. What for? Hermione was never that bad to warrant an apology for her behaviour? Was she? Maybe I just identified with her as the bookworm, but… She was just working hard! It’s not her fault people are dicks.

Mm, quite.

I feel like I have read this somewhere before, in the hands of a better writer. It definitely reads better as narrative than as spoken dialogue. What a bad choice here.

This is how people make friends in the real world alright.

Nobody speaks like this.

Again, instead of going to their dorm as they were told, they head to see Hagrid, because they now have the smart person in the group to give them actual good advice.

Brilliant plan. He is the gamekeeper!

Mm, quite. As if Hagrid knows anything.

Snape is still wandering around.

Whatever could you be referring to, sir?!

Good idea, walking around, talking to yourself about things that should probably be kept to yourself. What an idiot. Harry one-ups this idiot-man-ship.

Hurrrrrrrrr

Good idea, talking to a teacher who hates you about something that you should probably be keeping your thoughts on to yourself. What an idiot.

Yes, we are spying. Because you are mega suspicious!

Our idiots head on down to see Hagrid.

Hi Hagrid, how about some tea and some rock-

Harry wastes no time in spilling every single detail of the situation.

Nope, no time for niceties, just getting right to it.

Hagrid joins the ranks of the idiots, by also spilling every single detail he has on the situation.

I’m also a half-giant and I have a dragon hidden away in here, anything else I can tell you today?

A bunch of idiots. Well, at least we got one piece of useful knowledge!

Flamel, eh? Is that not a small towel to wash your face?


Time flies when you’re having fun!

Suddenly it is Day 25. Now, this makes more sense as it is Christmas! Yay!

Christmas packages? I suppose Harry never got presents from the Dursleys, maybe that’s why he’s calling them a dumb name.

Time for joy and all that good stuff!

Dammit Peeves, this is why everyone hates you.

If I can find them. Do… Do I smell pointless filler? Because I think I smell pointless filler.

Smurfin’ Peeves, it’s time to get serious.

Yeah, you go Harry! And Ron can help too! He was useless against the troll, but maybe with him helping, we can cut down the amount of time being spent wandering around this castle!

Oh. You enjoy your Christmas gifts then… I’ll be back… later, I guess.

What a jerk.

[Bubba]

JESUS TITTY-SMURFING CHRIST.

What in God's creation is that???

Not in my worst pet cemetery nightmares have I seen such an abomination.

[Shauna]

It would explain why nobody liked Mrs Norris. Nobody could hate a cat! Unless it looked like the spawn of hell.

[Psychotic]

The Peeves That Stole Christmas.

Also McGonagall is kinda hot.

[Formalhaut]

Hermoine is treated like absolute dirt in this game. I'm surprised she didn't leave Hogwarts out of bullying concerns.

[Jiro]

smurfing Peeves man

aptly named