Let's Harry Potter Games - Help Choose The Next Instalment!

[Pumpkin]

I like your commentary!

I've never been big in to Harry Potter, but this seems pretty fun.

My son has a crush on Hermoine

[Jinx]

My son has a crush on Hermoine

Who doesn't?

[Shauna]

Smurfing Peeves. Time to get those goddamn Christmas presents back.

I immediately storm out of the boys’ dorm, where I am stopped by a mysterious note.

I have just sort of noticed how his mouth looks like a boomerang. I cannot unsee it.

Riddles riddles riddles… At least this one is less awful to decipher.

The only thing to read in this common room is a newspaper…

Handsome? He’s a bit full of it.

6? The 6th Floor of Hogwarts, I guess? Might as well give it a go. If only I knew what floor I was on currently (spoiler, I’m on 7).

I head down a few floors and bump into Nearly Headless Nick. The NPCs are becoming more useful, it seems! Actually giving me straight answers.

What a gent.

Guess I came down too far. This leaves one floor to investigate.

And so I search high…


…and low.

I stumble into a room filled with boxes. A storeroom, eh? Looks promising.

Unfortunately Harry is not able to rob Hogwarts blind today.

Not in that chest? Perhaps these other chests?!

Score.

That took significantly less time than I expected. I thought I’d be all over the castle, looking inside bushes and under cauldrons. Ah well. Best be heading back up to the common room to celebrate Christmas!

Hold on, someone’s come into the room…

Smurf.

What? No! I didn’t do anything wrong?! Filch drags Harry down to McGonagall’s office. I don’t want to see her disappointed face.

Thanks a lot for listening to my side of the story. Bitch.

One point isn’t so bad. Merry Christmas to you, Professor! Filch isn’t happy about Harry getting off easy.

I’ll try! No more rule breaking from Harry Potter, no sir.

But Harry swiftly moves on from that episode. It’s present time!

I also lost house points and got into trouble, but that’s by the by.

First up… Hagrid’s present.

Whittlin’ Man

I never really understood why Hagrid made a flute for him, other than for future plot reasons. It never comes back again in the future, either.
Ron’s turn!

I don’t think maroon is that bad.

He does like to complain.

Back to Harry…

I admire the likeness to a 50p here.

50p! Straight to the van for a few 10p mix ups for sure. Harry opens another gift, as it seems that Ron has run out. It turns out to be chocolates from Hermione, specifically Chocolate Frogs. With a certain someone’s Wizard Card…

Who needs Hermione, you guys can work this one our yourselves!

What a tweest! It turns out that Dumbledore has done nothing in his life other than be friends with Nicholas Flamel. We’re finally getting somewhere with this mystery. If only our brave heroes cared as much…

Okay, I’ll let you off this time, it is Christmas after all.

Ron shows his true powers, the powers of seeing into the future. He says this before Harry has said anything about his final gift…

It is a shame you do not utilise this Inner Eye more frequently.

It is revealed to be…

Oooh. Time to sneak into the girls’ dorm! What a lol that will be!

His father’s cloak! Put it on and give us a twirl, Harry!

Dotted-line Harry

Very nice.

Perhaps we should get you to the hospital wing…

For some reason Harry becomes deeply ill after wearing the cloak. Maybe we should limit the usage of this particular brand of magic.

Yay!


Yet more time passes…

Later on that night, Harry decides he should have a wander round the castle.

Yes, let us do that thing.

No goal is given, no reason for him to do this. I am once again left to my own devices to figure out where to go.

This game relies too heavily on the player to be aware of the source material. I immediately head to the library…

But why, Harry?

… Aaaaand the library happens to be the place I need to go. This is fine for me because I know the story like the back of my hand. But what if there’s one kid who never read the books, who’s playing this game? There is no indication that this is where you should be going – although they can explore, who is going to search every room up and down seven floors? (I don’t care about accusations of new games and their hand holding spoiling everything, there needs to be some direction).

Anyway, the library. I head into the Restricted Section for no reason, I guess, and start browsing through books.

Things that you have no interest in, I’m sure.

Sadly for Harry being a rebel without a cause…

I wonder how she found out there was anyone in the library.

Madam Pince shows up. I guess it’s time to get out of here. I try to sneak past her…

My first attempt failed miserably.

Dammit! Sickly Potter is sent back to bed (where he probably should be).

I end up back at the Gryffindor Tower, ready to do the whole thing all over again. To the library, read books, Madam Pince shows up. There’s another set of stairs on the other side of the library – I take that this time.

I head out of the library. Snape is floating around too.

Haha, you’ll never catch me.

Nevermind, I’m invisible, it’s all fine. Should be the home stretch here…

Not an odd blob?!

Mrs Norris on the stairs? Ugh. Maybe I can sneak past her, I can’t be bothered finding out where I’m supposed to go…

Mrowr.

Guess not.

Can Filch deduct points? Why not.

More lost house points! This time I’ll do it properly. To the library, read books, Madam Pince shows up. Up the other stairs, past Snape… and I find a corridor I haven’t ventured down before.

I did just catch Harry Potter, but I sent him to bed. Couldn’t be him.

Filch has memory problems.

Down this hallway, there’s an abandoned classroom.

I wonder if Harry can see how unwell he looks…

It is pretty strange. Harry approaches and some figures appear in the mirror!

*wave*

Who could these mysterious mirror people be?!

And So I Watch You From… Pretty Close

Dumbledore just blinks into existence here. Even Harry cannot conceal his surprise.

Seriously need a bell for you or something…

The Mirror of Erised, eh? I guess it’s time for some explanations of the situation, Prof Dumbledore!

Well technically. But that’s not what he asked.

This is what it is, but don’t worry about it because it won’t be here ever again. No time to brood over it in this game, Harry. But best get to bed and you better forget about this random run in!

So much plot and exposition to get through, not enough time!

Harry attempts to object…

It is past his bed time… Also ugh what happened to Harry’s face?!

Dumbledore: so respected, he can tell a fully grown adult when to go to bed. And that adult will do it.

I reflect on how terrible this is.


SEVEN!?!?!?

On Day 7 again, it seems. We find our heroes studying hard in the library.

Ugh, I know that feel, bro.

That is why the Easter break sucks, so much work to do. Nail on the head, Harry. Luckily for the trio, a distraction is quick to come about. Hagrid shows up, and tries to find out what they’re doing.

We got over that thing ages ago. Get with the times.

Of course they’re blasé about what they’re talking about in a public place. Harry tries to get more information out of Hagrid, but he realises the dangers of secret discussions.

You don’t usually care, why start now?

Good idea Hagrid, because who knows who could be listening.

I know who’s hanging around.

WHO KNOWS. He was literally standing there the whole time they were chatting. Great idea to talk in front of Malfoy, idiots.

Hermione notes something interesting about the encounter just past.

Why even bother asking?

“What do you think of this?” “Well, I think…” “NO SHUT UP DON’T ANSWER MY QUESTON RIGHT NOW GOD WHO KNOWS WHO COULD BE LISTENING”

I think we all know who is still listening, Hermione.

Yes, he’s still here. Just casually standing around listening.

The three of them head down to Hagrid’s hut, to discuss the secrets in a less open and public place, and less in front of a student who will quite happily throw them under a bus.

…Idiots.

[Jinx]

Dumbledore: "You can get in trouble for that Harry! Oh wait...I'm the Headmaster, aren't I? I should probably be the one punishing you, right? Honestly, I'm not even sure why they keep me around here."

[Bubba]

What the hell is up with Malfoy's head? I know it's supposed to be his hair but it looks like he's got one of those Face Huggers attached from Alien.

[Skyblade]

What the hell is up with Malfoy's head? I know it's supposed to be his hair but it looks like he's got one of those Face Huggers attached from Alien.

I like this idea. Let's go with this.

[Shauna]

Uh, where was I?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

Sure he will Hermione. Sure he will.

He does have a lot of information that he probably shouldn’t be giving out to nosy eleven year olds.

Anything else you’d like to share?

Harry knows only one way to respond to this.

One word exclamations!

Hagrid waves Harry’s concern away, because he’s just a silly kid.

I… don’t even know how that is related to what Hagrid said, Harry

Hermione decides she is bored of this conversation and very abruptly moves on.

The Philosopher’s Stone? Boring. The true mystery is the temperature in this cabin!

It turns out there is something untoward happening in Hagrid’s Hut!

A football is not part of a healthy breakfast

Harry, for some reason, knows what it is.

Harry has been reading up about dragons quite a bit. Apparently.

No, not Ron, whose brother has probably shown him dragon eggs before. Not Hermione, who has probably read every book known to wizardkind. Harry knows what it is. Alrighty then.

Hagrid, of course, spills the beans about the whole dragon thing.

Of course, the name is the most important thing. Not how you’re going to properly care for it in a tiny hut.

Ron, you’ve been quiet so far, what’s your input?

Where did this come from?

So it seems that they are aware that Malfoy was eavesdropping. But they don’t care to do anything about it. I know this because they immediately move on to discussing what Norbert would eat (Norbert has been born, I appear to have lost that screenshot. Imagine a pixelly dragon!)

Great idea, set dragons on people you don’t like. Real mature.

Hagrid knows better though. Because of all the books he read.

Good that a fully grown man is also mature about dragons eating people.

Seriously, more fetch quests? Fine, I’ll go get your dumb chickens.

I step outside and find out our worst fears have been realised!

I wonder who he’s referring to?

Oh no! I better tell everyone that Malfoy knows! Maybe I won’t have to be a chicken chaser today. Please god. Let me not have to find five chickens.

Unfortunately, nobody cares that there is a vindictive student running to the castle to tell everyone about this.

Glad to see you care, Hagrid.

Into the grounds, to chase after chickens.

There’s one!

Cluck cluck.

I enter battle. Guess I have to fight some chickens. What an odd thing to force me to do.

This does not equate to three chickens caught, unfortunately.

The chickens actually gave me ridiculous experience points. I fought six battles with them and went up three or four levels. Ridiculous.

After hunting down the chickens, I get back to Hagrid. The sooner this is over the better.

I doubt that very much. The part about him already growing, the latter part I can believe.

What are you going to do about this guys? Malfoy knows, it’s a freaking dragon – there’s so many things wrong with this plan.

That could work

Ron is finally useful! They decide to go with this plan, because they literally have no others.

Entirely by coincidence indeed.

Back in the library, it turns out you can have owls flying around.

Time to poop on all the books.

A letter from Charlie saying that his friends will come to Hogwarts and recover the dragon. They make more plans in this public place.

Guess who was hovering around again!?

They actually do not learn do they?

Disaster has struck down in the grounds.

Are you kidding me.

You lost a freaking dragon? How? How did you manage this you great oaf!? Why did you even let him outside?! And of course it’s up to Harry to chase him down!

Luckily we have another simple flying section. That part chasing the owl was good practice for the real thing.

Stern words are exchanged between Harry and Hagrid.

And so Harry becomes the responsible one

Hagrid cannot be trusted to keep himself out of trouble. We better get to work.

No connection.


Sept. Siete. Sieben. Sette. Sjö. Syv. سات . επτά. 七. זיבן.

SEVEN AGAIN. So many Sevens.

It is the night of the great plan to get Hagrid out of some hot water. Ron has apparently been sick so he can’t go along, so Hermione is going in his place. Of course, he bitches about this.

Hermione stands up for herself. You go gurrrrrrrl

Under the invisibility cloak, Harry and Hermione head down to Hagrid’s. There were no teachers about this time. They obviously stopped caring after that troll managed to get into the castle – that’s a good time to stop having nightly patrols

Hagrid is busy crying over losing his highly dangerous pet.

Boo hoo


True say, Hermione.

Teddy bears are delicious.

Right, yes, goodbye.

Look Hagrid, you’ll get another dumb pet and you’ll forget about old Norbert.

That’s enough of that pity party. Time to go.

I find this so amusing for some reason.

Up to the tallest room, in the highest tower I climb.

Some figures appear out of the shadows… It’s Malfoy! Followed closely by Professor McGonagall.

Ahahaha, screw you Malfoy, Prof McG lays down the law.

Lucky they can’t see my vague outline! McGonagall is harsh and unfair with everyone, giving no chance for explanations.

Professor Snape will destroy him.

That’s what he gets for eavesdropping. Or perhaps sitting in the library studying near where Harry and his friends loudly discuss their against the rules plans.

I chuckle my way up to the top of the tower. Charlie’s friends fly on down and take Norbert away.

Good riddance.

This stupid debacle is over. Time to go back to the dorm and get on to the more exciting plot lines.

Ah yes, I had forgotten about these things I never knew about to begin with.

Half way down the stairs…

Harry is an idiot!

What a surprise!

Double surprise!

Filch takes us down to see Professor McGonagall. This won’t end well for anyone.

Yes, I know. Thanks.

Neville can’t keep himself out of trouble either. Just stay in bed! We got this.

Drag… Queen?

McGonagall has had enough of this nonsense about dragons and… dragons. She casts her cruel judgement on our heroes.

Noooooooooooooooo


God damn that ruined our lead. Gryffindor is out for the count.

Dammit Malfoy! No, dammit Harry and co. Be more damned discrete next time!

Having someone be disappointed in you hurts more than having someone be angry


Hold on.

Yesterday was 7. The day proceeds to the next one. It is now 6.
???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

I can’t hold all this what…

THE WORST DAY EVER

Maybe if you hadn’t broke the rules. OF TIME AND SPACE. Day seven going to day six… I don’t…

Hermione once again shows great conversational skills in an attempt to ensure I know where I'm going.

Everyone hates us now. See you later.

Best get down there to do my time. Hopefully, the time will proceed in chronological order. It is my one prayer.

[Jinx]

I love how the card combinations are just getting so lazy. They used to have pithy comments now it's just "entirely by coincidence" and "no relation".

[Skyblade]

If Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw are too stupid to realize that they are both beating Slytherin, they deserve to lose.

[Bubba]

It's all going to end in tears...

I wonder how they're going to show old Voldy on the back of Quirrell's head? Surely it can't match the pure evil that is Mrs Norris.

[Psychotic]

This is gonna be the worst day of my liiiiiiiiiiiiiife

My li-i-i-i-i-iiiiiiife!

Apart from the one where both my parents were brutally murdered.

[Shauna]

Detention!

I really hate walking around in the night time sections of this game, it is stupidly difficult to see anything. It’s not super difficult to hear things though, as Harry goes to eavesdrop…

It’s the guy from Diagon Alley! Why is he in Hogwarts…?

Uh oh. It seems Quirrell has been broken. This is bad news. The world is at risk! Maybe Harry should tell someone…?

Not exactly who I was thinking of…

You know guys, the reason you’re in this mess is because you refused to stop talking about sensitive things in a public place, surrounded by others. Do you not learn!? Either way, going to Dumbledore is a good idea – right after this detention, we’ll speak to him. In fact, he’ll probably find us as he has done in the past!

Let’s get going! …NO Filch, stop talking to us about…

~chains and whips excite me~

…Creepy things.

Luckily for Harry, Filch and everyone else runs off and leaves him to find his way to the Forbidden Forest. I actually had the game glitch out on me here, and I had to reload! Harry just flew across the screen and ended up stuck in a corner perpetually walking. It was funny/annoying.

Filch, understandably in this case, is impatient that it took so long for Harry to rejoin the group.

Sorry! The power of Satan was compelling me to walk through trees

And then Filch just leaves.

Yeah, we promise not to go anywhere.

There is a lot of trust for these miscreants who broke all the rules! What’s stopping them from breaking more rules and just walking away?

Sounds pleasant. Maybe this detention will be fun!

Before I get too impatient, our favourite gamekeeper shows up with some positive words about their task for the evening. Draco is understandably having absolutely none of it.

Fight the power!

His tantrum does no good.

Nothing will hurt me, eh? Sounds like this won’t be too bad!

This detention will be great. Draco lays out an ultimatum.

They can be the Boarhound Gang.

Hagrid agrees to this and splits the rest of the group.

What a great split. Nothing could go wrong here.

Hermione and Hagrid? Ugh, I’d rather go by myself than have to hang around with these terrible people. The two groups head into the forest.

And my wish is granted.

All by myself

Of course Hagrid abandons Harry. Of course.

I start my quest to find the unicorn. Let’s go.

Battles?!

You said nothing would hurt me Hagrid! Why did you lie?

And…

Okay.

I am warped back to the entrance. The punishment for KO is nothing.

I will admit here guys, that it took me a long time to get through the forest. I died more than once. I ended up turned around many times. It was not a nice experience.

I eventually catch up to Hagrid. You have three guesses as to how he responds to Harry successfully traversing the forest!

It has been many weeks but this is still frustrating!

If you guessed being horrible and condescending towards the boy he walked away from, you win! You win the prize of continuing to read this Let’s Play!

Hagrid actually leads Harry into the next area, and we meet our favourite proud race of creatures. The centaurs.

Ahahahahahahahahah

It has been some time since we have been introduced to a new character! They did not get better with experience. It is wonderful.

Hagrid introduces us to this centaur - Ronan.

Wow Harry, no need to be so snippy.

Maybe this guy knows something about the unicorn. He does live in the forest after all. Hagrid has the same idea, so starts interrogating the guy.

Haha, smurf you Hagrid. Nobody likes you!

Another centaur appears on the scene. This must be Ba-

AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA

-ne. His mouth isn’t even attached to the rest of his head! Good lord. I am crying.

He has nothing of use for us, so Hagrid and Hermione leave. I decide to try again with them, see if they have anything useful for Harry.

Wow okay, no need to condemn him to death.

That wasn’t helpful. Guess I best move on. More battles, more KOs, more being lost.

Suddenly, red sparks are shot into the air! Well, so I am led to believe, not that I get to see the firework show or anything. Hagrid runs off to see what damage has been done. I hope nobody is hurt!

Hermione doesn’t feel that way, though

Hagrid returns. Turns out Malfoy was a dick. Who could have seen that coming?

Dammit Neville, stand up for yourself!

Hagrid splits the teams up again, with a little bit more thought put into it. Maybe put the dick with someone who isn’t going to respond to him.

Yeah Malfoy, you walk away

Deeper further we go, and I think one more KO before we reach our destination.

Sadface many tears

Poor thing.

Yes, thanks for that Harry, I don’t think I knew

As they’re just standing there, a figure approaches. Just walks up. While there are two kids and a large dog standing there. It approaches the dead unicorn. And stands there. Not even secretively.

Discrete.

For some reason Malfoy is afraid of this.

What a baby.

Look, I know that he is supposed to be drinking the unicorn blood - but really? That doesn’t even look remotely scary. Or like he’s doing anything! You have the characters say dumb things all the time, pointing out things that don’t need pointed out – why not have one of them say “Oh golly gee mister, why are you drinking that there unicorn blood! That looks mighty distasteful!” instead of stone silence, forcing us to guess what is happening?!

Harry whines about his scar a little bit...

The hooded man stares Harry to death.

And promptly passes out. While the guy is just standing there still.

The screen fades to black. The end?

I wish. Harry wakes up and finds a new friend.

Good question.

The hooded man is gone. Harry is still in the same place he was before. Maybe should have taken Harry somewhere safer, eh Firenze?

He has weird elf ears going on there, but otherwise a massive improvement on Bane.

Luckily for the centaur, he doesn’t have to get Harry anywhere, since Hagrid shows up.

So… he just let Neville get back through the forest on his own? Really?

Yes good, get me out of this deathtrap.

Of course I have to walk back by myself. I once again find myself not being able to navigate the forest. I don’t know why, but I am having real trouble with it. I spend about ten minutes looking around, and then an idea dawns on me. I’ll just die and get sent back to the entrance. Brilliant. Shauna, you have quite the brain on you!

So I die in battle… and am sent back to the unicorn. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-

Back in the castle, McGonagall is waiting up.

Straight to the dorm? Okay. I mean, I was thinking about running riot around the school, but if you’re sure…

Up in the dorm, Hermione and Ron are still up and waiting for the hot goss.

Old Voldie is just hanging with the centaurs waiting for the stone to be delivered

It really is time to act. Tell someone. Tell Dumbledore. Like Hermione said earlier! Just do it! Be responsible!

Well!?

Nah time for bed.

Seriously? SERIOUSLY? How dumb could you all get? I mean you’re already scraping the bottom of the barrel for intelligence, but come on.

They have got lazy. This may be one of the last congrats screens I get, and they don’t even try.


The time. It goes.

It seems we drop back in at a good point in our heroes’ lives.

Whoop whoop!

No exams, the summer to piss around… living the dream. Harry doesn’t know how to have a good time though.

What a negative nancy

I suspect all his exam papers were “THE STONE SNAPE QUIRREL VOLDEMORT” written over and over what with this one track mind. Although, despite this, he has still not told anyone in a position of authority yet. Good.

Maybe! TELL A TEACHER.

Hagrid interrupts Harry’s crazy thoughts. Hermione was worried how someone would find out how to get past Fluffy? Well, we’re about to find out how easy it is.

Step 1: Ask Hagrid a question

Get right to the point, don’t beat around the bush

Step 2: Hagrid tells you everything

Like I told the… Seriously?

Some random dude came up and asked me about Fluffy, I just told him. Just like I’m telling you now. Aren’t you glad I just open my mouth and then can’t stop the words falling out. But hey, at least he got something out of it!

Smurfing finally. Get him telt.

The three of them split up to find Dumbledore’s office. I don’t actually think he has an office in this maze of a castle.

I come across Prof McG. She’ll know.

Dammit!

The one time I want to see him… He follows me around all other times… ugh! Well, might as well tell McGonagall.

That is hardly the point.

Look, woman, we have important things to deal with. The stone is under attack!

Ah of course, Minerva doesn’t listen to anyone. How silly of me to forget.

I head back up to the dorm to pass on the information to the cronies.

Apparently there were spells and potions I could learn by going to the library, but I missed them out by virtue of simply not knowing they exist and there being, again, no hints that they are available. I found out when looking online for information about the game. Not having them probably made this game more annoying than it should have been.

Anyway. Ron and Hermione.

Oh no! It’s all happening!

I guess we better be the heroes and save the school.

Not before we’re interrupted one more time though.

Put your dukes up, sir! Loljk, Neville, you couldn’t ever take anyone on

Neville, now is not the time to get your bravery on. I know what I said earlier, but lose that confidence already!

Hermione is one scary witch


Stiff as a board

And so we will leave this instalment here. Just like our heroes leave Neville on the ground.

[Miss Mae]

Bane's face is flippin' hilarious.

I love that it's just expected we know the hooded figure is unicorn-blood-drinking Voldie. Anyone who hadn't read the source material would see "Voldemort is in the forest!" once Harry's back in the dorm and be genuinely surprised.

The card collector's club is getting stupidly lazy. Now it's just announcing new card combinations. Mind you, have you actually gone back to the club and seen any of these prizes you're apparently receiving or whatever?

I can't believe the game expected you to magically know there were spells and potions to learn in the library. Useless.

What this game has mostly taught me so far is that when you take out the plot and character development and just make Harry Potter all about several key events, absolutely nothing makes sense at all.

[Jinx]

Yeah, speaking of the spells in the library: Hermione smurfing lives there. She couldn't tip you off?

[Shauna]

I have been back once or twice, usually when I go to see Fred and George to buy more items to throw away in battle. It just says "New Card Combination!" with no more specifics than that. They're things you can use in battle, but honestly, I've never found a use for it (nor have I tried to).