Using my amazing skills, I find out that I’m supposed to go to the Trophy Room to meet Draco. My amazing skills are also known as using the source material – for once they use it!

The trophy room is a few floors down, I found it during my earlier hunts. I’ve unfortunately got to make it past the teachers who are patrolling the floors, making sure students aren’t out of bed.


Hi Hagrid, what’s going on


Hey Professor Sprout! Nice to see you away from the greenhouses!


Narrowly avoided detection by Madam Pince

Their stationary patrols are effective. I mean, they look right at four students wandering around and are like “Nah, nothing going on here”. Useless at their jobs, as expected. I didn’t try and get too close to them, because I could not be bothered getting warped back to the dorm and doing it all over again.

This is a good point to note that I had decided to do some grinding here for money and level ups. I found that it was actually more beneficial to me to not try and save myself in battles. There is no downside to being KO’d in battle. I am taken to the Hospital Wing with full SP and MP, and I lose no EXP or Sickles. So I went up two or three levels on battles just outside of the Hospital Wing by dying if I had to. It is more efficient than trying to use items in/after battles, which are expensive. I’d rather use my money on getting better equipment, which I’ve posted before – it is expensive to keep well equipped. Don’t need to be throwing my money away on items. So yeah, just a tangent here to show how broken this game’s systems are.

Whew, after all that hard work hiding from the teachers, our team make it to the room.


Yes, this seems fine. They said they’d be here!

Just after we arrive, Filch shows up. Seems Malfoy tipped him off! What a dick. And I thought we were going to have a gentleman’s duel! Filch sets Mrs Norris on us.


OH GOD NO MY EYES

My nightmares. All of them. Forever.

Running away, like any normal person should in the face of… that, we stumble upon Snape and Quirrell having a nice conversation.


What hocus pocus is shielding me from their vision?

Quirrell is of course terrified. Snape can be a pretty intimidating guy. He stutters some vague sounding objections before Snape decides he’s had enough of his non-responses.


Seems pretty serious. This philosopher’s stone isn’t that big a deal…

Snape stalks away.


I find myself questioning this. How though.

Neville makes a fair point here. They were standing an arm’s length away from them, how blind are these teachers? Maybe teaching at Hogwarts adversely affects your eyesight. That’s another job off the table, my eyesight is bad enough as it is!

Time to get our detective on though!


Well Hermione, I thought you knew everything.

Harry remembers that Filch is in fact chasing after them and that standing still probably isn’t the best way to escape. The lot of them run into a nearby cupboard. Neville starts stuttering about something.


Nobody is allowed to stutter. Ever.

Giant. Three. Headed. Dog.


Boy was Harry authoritative as a kid. First YOU! And now OUT!? What next!?

The four of them leave the room with the big dog, throwing caution to the wind. Fortunately Filch isn’t there, for some reason! He obviously gave up and went back to his cave. What a good time to stand and have a chat.


Such astute observations. Order of Merlin 1st Class for all!

Hermione has had enough, and demands that they head back to the dorm. Best idea I’ve heard all night, really.


Hopefully she’s not decided to try on her Blue Dress or else they’re pretty screwed…

Past all the observant teachers, we make it back to the dorm in once piece. Hermione has one last nag before heading to bed.


What silly boys.

Neville follows close behind.


Oh Neville, it’s okay to admit you’re scared. I mean, I’m still recovering from Mrs Norris.

Thank goodness those nerds have went to bed, all of this could have been avoided if they hadn’t tagged along! This probably isn’t true, but gotta blame someone here.

Ron and Harry discuss the possibility of speaking to Professor McGonagall about this.


No rule breaking allowed!

Yes, I’m sure that is the worst of their worries at this point in time. They might get in trouble! That has literally not stopped them from doing dumb stuff up to this point. There’s an obvious solution to all this!


Yes, gathering more proof was exactly what I was going for here.

Fine guys, do whatever you want.


Is… forbidding a word? It doesn’t sit well with me.


No. I refuse to accept this.

Wait, game. 7 of what? Spoilers for the next part, we’re moving on to the Hallowe’en Feast. What part of this is anywhere near 7!? What does this even mean?! Dammit! I am so mad about nothing!

After waking up on… 7… Harry decides the best way to start his day is to bitch about Hermione.


Morning! Boy I do hate things don’t you? Time for some bacon!

Ron is always up for this.


Yeah, what a bitch. Pass the jam!

Hermione was nearby though.


How could this happen to me?

How could they indeed. It’s not like you were friends or anything, and that this is some grand betrayal.

Seconds after this, McGonagall tells Harry and Ron to get into the Great Hall because it is time for the feast! She enquires to Harry about Hermione Granger, as she isn’t floating around, and obviously Harry is her best friend who’d know exactly where she is.


Thank goodness for your powers of attention.

Great input from our hero. Harry wanders around looking for Hermione. He bumps into a girl who knows where she went.


How very dare you.

Maybe you shouldn’t have been such a massive knob Harry. Talking crap about someone tends to hurt their feelings. Harry gets over this pretty quickly and heads back over to the Great Hall.

Time for food!


Haha, just kidding, got some plot to do.

Time for Quirrell to stagger over and announce the plot moving on! He passes out. Harry shows some rare legitimate insight following this.


Yes, wouldn’t want her to get any physical pain to go along with that emotional scarring.

Better go find that girl you were cruel to for no reason.


*kick*

The teachers just leave Quirrell lying there. They all go to save the children, but leave a vulnerable person right in the middle of the Entrance Hall. I guess it could be because of their blindness – they simply did not see him there.

Up on the first floor, Snape is acting shifty. As always.


Thank goodness he didn’t see us there right outside the room he came out of.

As we get closer to the girls’ toilet, Ron comments on the ever increasing stench. Girls don’t smell that bad, man.


Slytherins apparently do though! BURN.

Turns out it’s not the girls, it’s…


Good day. Off to the loo, I think!

The troll! Right, Ron! It’s time to go kick some butt!


Just Harry, then.

Or I will just do it myself, why not.


I mean, Hermione clearly could have helped here… Anyone? Hello?

It’s time to duel!


By the power of broccoli, I will destroy you!

He’s not such a big deal, and I take him out. I am becoming pretty wonderful at kicking all the butts in this game.

Ron comes over and acts like nothing much has gone on, and that it’s just some regular Day 7.


You’ve been in here literally the entire time I have, Ron.

What a jerk.

McGonagall comes in right in the nick of time.


Hermione: Hogwarts’ Greatest Liar

Hermione is such a stand up gal. Taking the fall for those jerks. They did save her life, but they were still jerks. Sadly, McGonagall is not happy about this.


Noooooooooooooo!

Dammit, losing points is bad. On the other hand…


Yaaaaaaasssssssssss


Wow Hufflepuff suck.

Gryffindor is still winning! How is this happening!?


Okay.

Despite being told to go back to their dorms, they all hang outside the girls’ toilet. Hermione apologises.


Yeah, you shouldn’t have… known the answers to questions and got your work done and stuff.

Wait. What for? Hermione was never that bad to warrant an apology for her behaviour? Was she? Maybe I just identified with her as the bookworm, but… She was just working hard! It’s not her fault people are dicks.


Mm, quite.

I feel like I have read this somewhere before, in the hands of a better writer. It definitely reads better as narrative than as spoken dialogue. What a bad choice here.


This is how people make friends in the real world alright.

Nobody speaks like this.

Again, instead of going to their dorm as they were told, they head to see Hagrid, because they now have the smart person in the group to give them actual good advice.


Brilliant plan. He is the gamekeeper!

Mm, quite. As if Hagrid knows anything.

Snape is still wandering around.


Whatever could you be referring to, sir?!

Good idea, walking around, talking to yourself about things that should probably be kept to yourself. What an idiot. Harry one-ups this idiot-man-ship.


Hurrrrrrrrr

Good idea, talking to a teacher who hates you about something that you should probably be keeping your thoughts on to yourself. What an idiot.


Yes, we are spying. Because you are mega suspicious!

Our idiots head on down to see Hagrid.


Hi Hagrid, how about some tea and some rock-

Harry wastes no time in spilling every single detail of the situation.


Nope, no time for niceties, just getting right to it.

Hagrid joins the ranks of the idiots, by also spilling every single detail he has on the situation.


I’m also a half-giant and I have a dragon hidden away in here, anything else I can tell you today?

A bunch of idiots. Well, at least we got one piece of useful knowledge!


Flamel, eh? Is that not a small towel to wash your face?


Time flies when you’re having fun!

Suddenly it is Day 25. Now, this makes more sense as it is Christmas! Yay!


Christmas packages? I suppose Harry never got presents from the Dursleys, maybe that’s why he’s calling them a dumb name.

Time for joy and all that good stuff!


Dammit Peeves, this is why everyone hates you.

If I can find them. Do… Do I smell pointless filler? Because I think I smell pointless filler.


Smurfin’ Peeves, it’s time to get serious.

Yeah, you go Harry! And Ron can help too! He was useless against the troll, but maybe with him helping, we can cut down the amount of time being spent wandering around this castle!


Oh. You enjoy your Christmas gifts then… I’ll be back… later, I guess.

What a jerk.