Smurfing Peeves. Time to get those goddamn Christmas presents back.

I immediately storm out of the boys’ dorm, where I am stopped by a mysterious note.


I have just sort of noticed how his mouth looks like a boomerang. I cannot unsee it.

Riddles riddles riddles… At least this one is less awful to decipher.

The only thing to read in this common room is a newspaper…


Handsome? He’s a bit full of it.

6? The 6th Floor of Hogwarts, I guess? Might as well give it a go. If only I knew what floor I was on currently (spoiler, I’m on 7).

I head down a few floors and bump into Nearly Headless Nick. The NPCs are becoming more useful, it seems! Actually giving me straight answers.


What a gent.

Guess I came down too far. This leaves one floor to investigate.


And so I search high…


…and low.

I stumble into a room filled with boxes. A storeroom, eh? Looks promising.


Unfortunately Harry is not able to rob Hogwarts blind today.

Not in that chest? Perhaps these other chests?!


Score.

That took significantly less time than I expected. I thought I’d be all over the castle, looking inside bushes and under cauldrons. Ah well. Best be heading back up to the common room to celebrate Christmas!

Hold on, someone’s come into the room…


Smurf.

What? No! I didn’t do anything wrong?! Filch drags Harry down to McGonagall’s office. I don’t want to see her disappointed face.


Thanks a lot for listening to my side of the story. Bitch.

One point isn’t so bad. Merry Christmas to you, Professor! Filch isn’t happy about Harry getting off easy.


I’ll try! No more rule breaking from Harry Potter, no sir.

But Harry swiftly moves on from that episode. It’s present time!


I also lost house points and got into trouble, but that’s by the by.

First up… Hagrid’s present.


Whittlin’ Man

I never really understood why Hagrid made a flute for him, other than for future plot reasons. It never comes back again in the future, either.
Ron’s turn!


I don’t think maroon is that bad.

He does like to complain.

Back to Harry…


I admire the likeness to a 50p here.

50p! Straight to the van for a few 10p mix ups for sure. Harry opens another gift, as it seems that Ron has run out. It turns out to be chocolates from Hermione, specifically Chocolate Frogs. With a certain someone’s Wizard Card…


Who needs Hermione, you guys can work this one our yourselves!

What a tweest! It turns out that Dumbledore has done nothing in his life other than be friends with Nicholas Flamel. We’re finally getting somewhere with this mystery. If only our brave heroes cared as much…


Okay, I’ll let you off this time, it is Christmas after all.

Ron shows his true powers, the powers of seeing into the future. He says this before Harry has said anything about his final gift…


It is a shame you do not utilise this Inner Eye more frequently.

It is revealed to be…


Oooh. Time to sneak into the girls’ dorm! What a lol that will be!

His father’s cloak! Put it on and give us a twirl, Harry!


Dotted-line Harry

Very nice.


Perhaps we should get you to the hospital wing…

For some reason Harry becomes deeply ill after wearing the cloak. Maybe we should limit the usage of this particular brand of magic.


Yay!


Yet more time passes…

Later on that night, Harry decides he should have a wander round the castle.


Yes, let us do that thing.

No goal is given, no reason for him to do this. I am once again left to my own devices to figure out where to go.

This game relies too heavily on the player to be aware of the source material. I immediately head to the library…


But why, Harry?

… Aaaaand the library happens to be the place I need to go. This is fine for me because I know the story like the back of my hand. But what if there’s one kid who never read the books, who’s playing this game? There is no indication that this is where you should be going – although they can explore, who is going to search every room up and down seven floors? (I don’t care about accusations of new games and their hand holding spoiling everything, there needs to be some direction).

Anyway, the library. I head into the Restricted Section for no reason, I guess, and start browsing through books.


Things that you have no interest in, I’m sure.

Sadly for Harry being a rebel without a cause…


I wonder how she found out there was anyone in the library.

Madam Pince shows up. I guess it’s time to get out of here. I try to sneak past her…

My first attempt failed miserably.


Dammit! Sickly Potter is sent back to bed (where he probably should be).

I end up back at the Gryffindor Tower, ready to do the whole thing all over again. To the library, read books, Madam Pince shows up. There’s another set of stairs on the other side of the library – I take that this time.

I head out of the library. Snape is floating around too.


Haha, you’ll never catch me.

Nevermind, I’m invisible, it’s all fine. Should be the home stretch here…


Not an odd blob?!

Mrs Norris on the stairs? Ugh. Maybe I can sneak past her, I can’t be bothered finding out where I’m supposed to go…


Mrowr.

Guess not.


Can Filch deduct points? Why not.

More lost house points! This time I’ll do it properly. To the library, read books, Madam Pince shows up. Up the other stairs, past Snape… and I find a corridor I haven’t ventured down before.


I did just catch Harry Potter, but I sent him to bed. Couldn’t be him.

Filch has memory problems.

Down this hallway, there’s an abandoned classroom.


I wonder if Harry can see how unwell he looks…

It is pretty strange. Harry approaches and some figures appear in the mirror!


*wave*

Who could these mysterious mirror people be?!


And So I Watch You From… Pretty Close

Dumbledore just blinks into existence here. Even Harry cannot conceal his surprise.


Seriously need a bell for you or something…

The Mirror of Erised, eh? I guess it’s time for some explanations of the situation, Prof Dumbledore!


Well technically. But that’s not what he asked.

This is what it is, but don’t worry about it because it won’t be here ever again. No time to brood over it in this game, Harry. But best get to bed and you better forget about this random run in!


So much plot and exposition to get through, not enough time!

Harry attempts to object…


It is past his bed time… Also ugh what happened to Harry’s face?!

Dumbledore: so respected, he can tell a fully grown adult when to go to bed. And that adult will do it.


I reflect on how terrible this is.


SEVEN!?!?!?

On Day 7 again, it seems. We find our heroes studying hard in the library.


Ugh, I know that feel, bro.

That is why the Easter break sucks, so much work to do. Nail on the head, Harry. Luckily for the trio, a distraction is quick to come about. Hagrid shows up, and tries to find out what they’re doing.


We got over that thing ages ago. Get with the times.

Of course they’re blasé about what they’re talking about in a public place. Harry tries to get more information out of Hagrid, but he realises the dangers of secret discussions.


You don’t usually care, why start now?

Good idea Hagrid, because who knows who could be listening.


I know who’s hanging around.

WHO KNOWS. He was literally standing there the whole time they were chatting. Great idea to talk in front of Malfoy, idiots.

Hermione notes something interesting about the encounter just past.


Why even bother asking?

“What do you think of this?” “Well, I think…” “NO SHUT UP DON’T ANSWER MY QUESTON RIGHT NOW GOD WHO KNOWS WHO COULD BE LISTENING”

I think we all know who is still listening, Hermione.


Yes, he’s still here. Just casually standing around listening.

The three of them head down to Hagrid’s hut, to discuss the secrets in a less open and public place, and less in front of a student who will quite happily throw them under a bus.

…Idiots.