This gonna be a long one, so strap in, guys!

There is nothing standing between me and the saving of the school. Invisibility cloak on, wands at the ready… it’s time to stop Snape getting that stone.
We head down to the third floor corridor.


When’s a door not a door? When it’s a-jar!

Who even speaks like this?

Ugh, nevermind. There’s no time for this dilly-dallying! Into the room!


Does Harry even know how to play a flute? I imagine it requires some amount of skill.

After mere seconds, he falls asleep.


Which apparently caused a trapdoor to appear. Why not?

Our heroes jump into the hole and fall some distance. Harry lands right on some hard stones, I suspect his legs are broken. Ron and Hermione landed on something soft, however they are not in a good situation.


They look fine, what’s the issue?

Harry is thrust into a battle with some tentacles.


Incendio!

That takes them out pretty quick. You know, I thought this would be tougher for the end of the game. I expected too much, obviously. But the tentacles are down, and Ron and Hermione are saved.


No bother mate, maybe next time you could help out though, you know incendio too.

Into the next room, where our heroes look up to the ceiling as soon as they enter.


Birds? I’ll zap the hell out of them with my magic

Harry has a moment of realisation.


Keys? I’ll zap the hell out of them with my magic

I will have to find the correct key from the hundreds of flying ones. This will be great, I’m sure.

Unfortunately, Harry suddenly realises he doesn’t have his broom with him. Not that I believe he ever had a broom in this game. Why would you even think to bring a broom with you in this situation?


Ron did though. Why does he even have his broom in Hogwarts? It’s not allowed!


Ick, a Comet 260? Nothing compares to the Nimbus 2000. Not that Harry has one.

TO the skies!


Stop giving me that look, man.

This was actually a super annoying minigame. Every time you hit one of the keys, which were really difficult to avoid I might add, there was about 5 seconds in which you couldn’t move and you sank lower again. The keys seemed to converge on Harry many times, so I often could not move for tens of seconds at a time.

But I finally break through.


What a fancy, regal looking key.

It is mine! The door is unlocked, and we move into the next room.

A giant chessboard awaits. Ron and Hermione stand at the edge while Harry does all the work, of course. Ron warns Harry to watch out for the Queen!


The knight actually moved in an L-shape. I was impressed.


The frickin’ horse kicked me in the face!

A few incendios later and he is out for the count.


The rook moves in for the kill

Again, a few incendios cast and the rook is done. If only I could play real chess this way. Losing? Set the pieces on fire.

The Queen makes a move on Harry.


Not tonight, lady, I’m on a mission

Ron jumps in to save Harry’s dignity. Not that I need help really, I could take her on.


-M-C-A

Ron is out for the count. Maybe we should do something about him just lying on the board…


…or we just move to take the King down.

This is actually a fairly difficult battle as none of my spells do any damage to him.


Ow.

After wasting a lot of magic, I cast poison and whittle him down to no HP.
Hermione had dragged Ron off the battlefield during the climactic finisher. Again, it would have been nice if she’d helped out…


Thank goodness he wasn’t hurt being stupid.

We of course, leave him behind, and press on into the next room, where it’s Hermione’s turn to be stupid.


Not again? He’s clearly out for the count.

The troll has been knocked out by Snape already. We gotta move faster! Into the next room!

In the next room we are faced with a table with some potion ingredients on it. Hermione complains that she doesn’t understand what’s going on.


Hagrid’s information is useful for once.

I approach the potion table. It is time for… Mastermind…?


Aaaaahhhhhhhh nooooooooo

I am terrible at this gaaaame. Noooooo. I will never get past this.

Time to randomly throw stuff in.


Okay that went better than expected

The potion is made, time to press on. Unfortunately there is not enough potion for Hermione to come too.


Very great.

Good riddance to her, she was completely useless in this entire affair. Just like Ron.

It’s time though.

Through this door is Professor Snape.

And Voldemort.

Time to face the past!


YOU!!

It was Quirrell all along! I did not see that coming!


How… would he know what James Potter thought of Snape?

Harry is shocked and appalled by this sudden revelation. He was so sure it was Snape! His world has been destroyed!


At what point was Snape “after” Harry at all in this game?

More questions are sent Quirrell’s way as Harry struggles to wrap his puny brain around what has been happening over the course of the year. Who was Quirrell crying about then?!


Of course! Your master was the one threatening you. It makes sense.

Oooh, what’s for me? A present?! Just gonna hand over the Philosopher’s Stone, eh?


Harry’s too tied up to stop Voldemort today.

Well, this isn’t good. Harry is bound. Nobody knows they’re down here. It’s all over. Quirrell monologues some more.


The mirror is here for a reason, so yes, it’s probably the key.

Quirrell doesn’t know what to do. The mirror is not an easy puzzle to solve. However, his master seems to have an idea.

It’s time guys! Voldemort is going to have a line!


How disappointing.

Well… at least we know that Voldemort likes to shout a lot.

Harry is summoned to stand before the mirror, and something magical happens!


He is supposed to be winking here

The stone!


STOP SAYING THINGS OUT LOUD

Quirrell demands Harry repeat himself, and Harry instead lies. Voldemort though, he knows a liar when he hears one.


And he has very good hearing too.

BATTLE TIME!


He is quite powerful.


Not powerful enough though!

Nothing can withstand the powers of poison!

Outside of battle, Quirrell takes off his turban. We finally get to see his true face. While he explains his plans.


Man, his voice must get pretty rough what with all that shouting he’s doing.

Harry of course responds the only way he knows how.


You know it

Why is Harry even arguing this? He knows nothing about his parents, for all he knows, they did die begging for their lives. In fact, his mother was begging for Voldemort to not kill Harry. Nevermind all that. LIAR.

Time to take you down, Voldemort.


Trout.

Jesus he is tough. He casts one spell and one spell only: Avada Kedavra. I successfully poison him but…


Double trout.

I die. Fortunately, it takes me just back outside Fluffy’s room. Silver linings. I do have to battle my way back through everything again though. The Devil’s Snare, the chessmen, the flying, the potions… Lots of experience. I get progressively worse at the puzzley side of things. I actually failed the mastermind potion puzzle and was sent to the beginning agan, which was terrible. There are lots of useful drops, like better armour and all that. Every run through makes things better for me. Ended up on the other side of level 75 when I was done.

I will let you in on a little secret here. My time clocked in running through the final dungeon was almost two hours. I just could not beat Voldemort. His Avada Kedavra spell consistently took off over 100SP. My spells do barely any damage to him overall. I used up all my items the first time I battled and lost. But I just keep chipping away, being sent back to the start, and going back in again.

Literally for hours.


Voldemort can’t withstand whirlwinds!

I rely on luck – his Avada Kedavra spell often misses. Along with luck and prayers to whoever may be listening, I have him poisoned. Slowly but surely, he is taken down.


YEAH TAKE THAT YOU DICK

It is done! He is defeated!


Not defeated enough though.

The screen fades to… green?

THE END. Again.


Or not.

Harry is safe and sound in the hospital wing. He immediately goes crazy.


Very well is probably pushing it quite a lot.

But, it is time for all of the plot questions to be answered. Hopefully they will be answered to my satisfaction.

Oh who am I kidding, of course they won’t be.


Getting a little bit too foreshadow-y there, Dumbledore.

I see. That makes almost no sense. Thanks.


How thoughtful.

Nice and easy for question two. I bet Dumbledore is loving all this knowledge he has kept to himself all year.


Uh huh… Actually, hold on.

Snape protected Harry all year. Okay. In the book, yes. He did. He saved Harry once or twice. But in this game? There was no protection from Snape at all. The two of them barely even communicated. Snape is definitely not even with anyone with his lacklustre actions over the course of this school year.

Moving on.


Dumbledore has had enough of your silly question.

Will be soon. Riiight. Well, that cleared up all my questions!


For one final occasion, time has passed.

It is the end-of-year feast. We all know what that means!


You’re going down, Ravenclaw!

Yes, you’re right, they should be. Harry did a lot of hard work doing everything below the trapdoor. I want my recognition for being the greatest.


No

Ron didn’t even play chess! Or battle the chess pieces! He just threw himself in front of a piece. That’s hardly a strategy. Especially when I could have dealt with it.


No

Hermione didn’t even know what to do in the potion room. It was Harry who worked out the correct combination! She just flailed around and then said that Harry was very great. She did nothing.


You’re damn right

Double damn right.


Okay I guess I can’t fault anything here

Really there should have only been 70 House Points given away, but we do need a lot more than that to catch up. I suppose I’ll stop complaining about those two lazy so-called friends riding on my coattails.

Bring on the House Point tally!


I… lost.

If… if I hadn’t lost those 15 house points that night at the library… I would have won by a single point. I…


You weren’t good enough guys.

At least it wasn’t Slytherin…?


Screw you Draco this is all your fault.

At least he isn’t happy about it either. That makes it a tiny bit better?

Everyone else weighs in on Gryffindor’s loss.


Priorities: You need them

Nevermind that whole Dark Lord business. If you had stopped us, we would have lost the House Cup even worse!


Why are there two tables celebrating?

I am honestly really gutted about not getting the House Cup. Ahahahaha, I am such a loser.

It doesn’t help that the game is laughing at me too.


Next time?!

Implying that there ever would be a next time for anyone playing this game.

Well guys, here we are. The end of the journey.


Bye bye!

The credits roll, and I save my clear data.

It turns out there is a New Game+. So I can go through with all my collected sickles and level and all that good stuff and play the game all over again! That’s why they said next time at the end of the game.

Not that I am ever turning this game on again.


I had a lot of fun playing this game, if you could call it that, and I hope you all enjoyed my venture into the world of witchcraft and wizardry! Thanks for reading! You all made it worthwhile!


And my final comment: I wonder what craziness Harry’s second year at Hogwarts will hold… maybe you’ll get to find out. But of course, in the spirit of things, you’ll have to find out on your own with no guidance from me whatsoever.