The Dragon's Revival: CK2 GoT House Targaryen in Robert's Rebellion (It's Over)

[Madame Adequate]

The mod updated fine, at least as far as I can see, though things may still break. Nonetheless we press on! Fire and Blood!

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Chapter 24: The Iron Islands

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As we march I send a message to Lord Paramount Gylbert, informing him that I would appoint him to Master of Ships. The Ironborn are better acquainted with the seas than any other people of Westeros.

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I have heard more than one rumor about his ambitions and I hope the recognition and honor might dissuade him. If he declares his independence, I will have to allow it for the time being. We have no hope whatsoever of defeating him with our forces in such a state and another war with Jarl beginning.

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Apparently he has calculated the same, because the reply to my appointment comes swiftly and shows that he knows exactly what my prospects of victory are. With a heavy heart I permit his treason. What else can I do? We have no men and no money, we have the Wildlings to fight, and I can rely on none of my other vassal lords and ladies to assist me. If Gylbert is so determined to rule his spikes of rocky pissing land that jut out of the sea, I'll not spend blood and treasure to keep them. Not at a time like this, anyway.

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Laugh while you can, kraken.

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Presumably pressured by the Freys, the small Riverland holding of Wycombe, ruled by Lady Tilly Terrick, have also declared themselves on the side of Jarl. Their army is my first target and we meet near Chiltern Castle, which Wycombe had laid siege to. We soon defeat them and drive the survivors away towards Darkmoor. I give the order to give chase as my armies are yet too small to fight the Northern ones, so we must make ourselves useful elsewise. Once they are run down and wiped out, we march for Golden Tooth, where the main Riverlander/Westerlander army is currently mustering.

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A letter from King’s Landing tells me that winter is lifting there, and the fields are again fertile and soft. I thank the Mother for her mercy, as this is a sorely needed bit of good news during a difficult time for the realm.

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I am told that the North and Freylands have an army of about 12,000 men already besieging Stillfen, just north of the Blue Fork of the Trident. We should avoid them but must be alert for any sudden moves at interception on their part.

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As we march and aim to meet the allied army, itself now moving north, I am brought a letter from Lady Senelle Martell. She claims that she, not Janyce, is rightwise Princess of Dorne, and asks for my support in pressing her claim. However, she then asks for this support in the form of money - I scoff with laughter when I read how much she asks for! The Iron Throne is bankrupt, indebted to half the world, with payments due to lenders from Ibb to Assahai. I can hardly throw over a hundred gold dragons away on some folly even if I wished to.

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Before I even finish my reply to Senelle, I hear a commotion and rush to investigate. Lord Commander Balman has died, peacefully and naturally it seems, and will no longer serve in my Kingsguard. He is succeeded by Ser Karyl of Old Beehive, who is aging but loyal and still fierce, and after some searching we find the moderately skilled Ser Florian of Blackadder to serve me.

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Days later we join the Tully army in Stillfen - they had marched at great speed to meet our enemies, and we had to catch up. The battle is already in progress but we have had to cross a river to attack and the Northerners have made great use of the terrain. We are driven back across the river with considerable losses, and they give chase, killing even more in Fairmarket. I give the order for a general retreat and dissolve the army, as it’s the only way to save any of my men now.

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Fortunately, the time at war and end of winter has helped to free up a decent number of men to replace my losses. I order new soldiers called up and organized in King’s Landing, and I estimate some 15,000 should be at my command once the last of them arrive. I have also ordered many of the stores opened, now that winter is retreating, and what little grain that remains in them is to be given to the peasantry of King’s Landing. This seems to meet with approval among several of my courtiers and vassals.

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The Maesters report that my young third son, Maegor, who is just beginning his studies, demonstrates a sharp mind and quick wit. It pleases me greatly to see that Targaryen blood remains so potent, and I hope he will be a loyal and brilliant ally of my heir Baelor.

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With just over 10,000 men assembled I decide to give the order to march for the front. The remaining 5,000 are marching from Dorne and will take some time to arrive, but the tide of war must be turned now. Our first target is Wycombe. It will help the cause and boost morale if we can cut away Jarl’s supporters, however small, and it will give me time to assess the situation before committing.

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My sister Visenya informs me that she is once again with child. For all our mutual dislike, she has never shied away from her duty to the House and has given many children. I pray for another healthy one now. But despite this, being on campaign wears at a man, and the temptations of the many camp followers and other women are too strong for me to resist - when I come across some of my men enjoying the company of several comely lasses, I grab a couple for myself. (The hatesex with Visenya must be amazing, but I can only imagine the poor man needs to lie with women who pretends to like him sometimes)

As we besiege Wycbome, we are brought word that an enemy army is approaching from the South, apparently having swept aside the Tully forces far more easily than I had expected. I remind myself that Jarl is truly a master of the art of war and then turn to our defenses. They outnumber us somewhat, but proper use of the terrain may give us the edge. I can count on no reinforcements or other help.

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Sad news comes from Dorne just before battle is joined. Lady Janyce Martell has died comatose in bed, and is succeeded by Prince Archibald, a stuttering, lisping man of few talents.

I was wrong about not expecting reinforcements. The internal wars of The Vale have finally ended and Lord Paramount Laren Crabb, the newly appointed ruler of that land, has informed me that all the soldiers he can muster are at my disposal. Some 22,000 soldiers are already marching for our battlefield in Wycombe, and with Tully reinforcements coming from the south, we may be able to turn this around after all. It is a strange feeling, to have good luck. The precise opposite of everything I saw my poor mother endure.

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The reinforcements do not arrive quickly enough, but we move towards The Vale and will soon join up into a force far too large for the current enemy armies to resist. It will take time to arrive and reorganize, but perhaps this will be seen as the turning point, the first time in a long long time that Jarl was defeated.

[Jiro]

Far out, how smurfing virile is the Blood of the Dragon

[Madame Adequate]

Chapter 25: The Death of a King

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We have arrived in Darkmoor and joined with the forces of The Vale. With some 25,000 men now under my command I am well placed to take the fight to Jarl and finally push back this menace. I wonder idly how long it was since such a large force was assembled for a Targaryen. My mother’s conquest of The Reach, I think?

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As we move to engage Jarl’s army I am brought word from King’s Landing. We have a daughter, whom Visenya has named Cyaena, a good name. With news of this birth gladdening the men’s hearts we join battle near Lord Harroway’s Town.

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The battle goes even better than I dared hope for. Jarl himself is there, leading the right flank, and although he inspires his men to fight to the last it does not profit them much. Jarl himself slips away as the battle closes, but we have ridden down almost all of his soldiers and over ten thousand dead Northerners and Wildlings lie in sight of Harroway Tower.

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We march for Wycombe to again besiege it. Shortly after arriving there my men from Dorne finally reach the war, bringing my manpower up to almost 28,000 soldiers despite our losses in the last battle. With winter lifting it should be significantly easier to maintain these forces in the field, and I hope losses to attrition are much lower than they have been before.

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It does not take long for such a force to besiege Wycombe, and I order the place stripped to the bones for loot. Disrespectful, perhaps, but I have many debts and little interest in obliging the rights of traitors. Wyctown and Combetown meet the same fate, though I order the smallfolk to be left in peace as long as they do not resist. This pillaging has nonetheless helped to bolster our coffers considerably, and I estimate that within another year the debts of the Iron Throne I inherited from my mother will be paid off.

With these lands secured I move north towards the lands of House Frey. I will forgive Lady Tilly Terrick of Wycombe if she asks for it, she is too small to resist the forces that were crashing towards her. The Freys are another matter. Had they held at The Twins it would have taken months or longer for Jarl to cross, and that would have given me time to meet him much more confidently. Instead Ermen Frey chose to side with Jarl and open the way south for the Wildling hordes. Even if I were to forget their betrayal of my great-grandfather Aerys II, I hold many of the deaths in this war to be on the heads of House Frey, and I will see them punished.

Just before we set off though, word comes that another sizable army is south at the Red Fork of the Trident. I change our orders immediately, we cannot win this as long as Jarl’s forces roam around our lands. The Freys can wait. Justice might come late, but it will come.

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We join battle at the Red Fork, near the castle of Stonemill, which Jarl had been besieging. He is here again, at the head of his army this time, but I am reinforced by thousands of Tully soldiers and we outnumber them three to one. Even with Jarl’s brilliance in war it would be an incredible feat for him to win, and this is a feat he cannot manage. We crush another army and I order my men to again move towards The Crossing.

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In the aftermath of the battle I make sure Lord Paramount Laren Crabb knows of my gratitude. I give him a role on my Small Council as a general adviser and I bestow upon him the title Warden of the East, a title which had fallen into vacancy in the late wars. House Crabb has a notion of loyalty and the importance of obeying one’s liege, and I shall ensure this is repaid.

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Letters from King’s Landing give worrying suggestions about my son Orys, who seems to be deeply distrustful and very much convinced he is the enemy of all. Hopefully the years he will spend learning at the feet of the Maesters will change his convictions.

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It seems these two defeats have finally shaken Jarl’s grip loose enough that a plan I had long drawn up can be attempted. Many people in The North are, unsurprisingly, unhappy with the coarse and cruel rule of the Wildlings and although they live in fear of Jarl’s retribution these late defeats he has suffered are weakening that fear. Jarl is planning a speech soon to appeal to his retainers and men and press them for more commitment to the war, and if we manage to weaken the balcony beforehand…

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Days before we arrive at the Freylands, Lord Ermen is murdered by unknown conspirators and his daughter and only child, the one-year-old Lady Arwyn Frey, comes into her throne. Immediately her regent pledges the Frey’s loyalty to Barion Tully and the Riverlands, and as he accepts, there is no more cause to fight House Frey. This galls me. What a convenient twist of fate for House Frey that they should find their loyalty just as their justice is at hand. Still, it does conserve men for the war in general. There is some consolation in that.

My mother was an uncanny master of intrigue and duplicity. I am told that only Lord Varys The Spider exceeded her skills. Nobody knows how many she had killed, for she was careful to cover her tracks and rarely even implicated, but I do know from my childhood that the rumors of her killing every usurper on the Iron Throne did not come from nowhere. I am a far poorer practitioner of this dark art, but apparently I am good enough at it - Jarl did not even have time to begin his address when the balcony collapsed and he fell many feet to the ground in Winterfell, where he smashed like a rotten fruit.

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Jarl the Handsome, scourge of the Seven Kingdoms and Harrier of the North, is dead.

[Quindiana Jones]

Not so handsome now you're mush!

[Psychotic]

Ohhhhh trout. The tide just turned.

Also I am amused by the idea of Lord Frey only having one child.

[Jiro]

Let's hope this disrupts the stability of those wildling bastards.

[Madame Adequate]

Chapter 26:The King in the West

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Jarl’s son Cayn takes command of The North, and though he is a competent leader he will always be a dwarf in his father’s giant shadow. I sincerely hope his realm will fracture as different groups and individuals jostle for power but, even if he holds it together for now, we have the advantage in this war.

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With The Riverlands free of Northern foes, I give the order to march north towards The Neck. This area, between The Twins and Moat Cailin, is the grave of my mother’s armies. More than I can remember were undone here, fighting valiantly but falling before the relentless horde of Wildlings and their thralls. I do not intend to meet the same fate. With Moat Cailin under the command of Lord Gawen Wythers, who rejected Jarl’s war against the southern lands, I will not have to take that bitter castle itself, something which I am deeply grateful for.

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A few days after we begin the march, I am brought a raven sent by my Master of Coin back in King’s Landing. He is very pleased to inform me that, after over four years, the debts I inherited from my mother have finally been paid off and the coffers of the Iron Throne are again seeing a positive sum within them. It’s a very small positive sum so far, to be sure, but I treasure this solitary gold dragon from afar as much as another Lord might treasure a Valyrian Steel sword.

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The run of good luck could not last, of course. Far too much has gone far too well for me these past few years, and it is with a heavy heart but little surprise that I get the report that yet again winter is coming. I pray to the Seven that it shall be a short and light one.

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When we arrive in Moat Cailin I take stock of the situation and decide on the strategy now that we are on the offensive. We march directly for Winterfell, which Jarl turned into his capital and where Cayn now rules as well. If we take that holding it will be a great blow to the Wildlings and reinforce the morale of my armies and allies. If we are really lucky we might even catch Cayn himself there, a coup which would end the war in one stroke. I want to end this war as quickly as possible - rumblings of the coming of Winter are already unsettling the men and we’ve had several desertions. This will only get worse as the North freezes.

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We arrive at Winterfell without incident, but the place has been reinforced with a vast army. It will take a long, long time to siege the castle down.

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After months of siege, with thousands of my men dead or deserting, the war comes to an end. Winterfall, about to fall, seeks to parley - and Lord Paramount Barion accepts. The weak laws of the realm due to the usurper Jonquil Baratheon mean he is quite at liberty to negotiate peace without my input, and soon a white peace is announced. Cayn will cease the invasion, but will not pay any reparations or cede lands. It galls me deeply to accept this, but I have no choice, and the men are in no state to continue a war at my behest alone, not when all they can see is that the immediate thread is passed and the warmth of home calls to them. I order the army to march south and return home.

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Good news is awaiting me at home in King’s Landing. Young Aemond, my youngest son, is entering schooling and like his older brother Maegon he has a strong mind that easily grasps the lessons the Maesters and Septas impart to him. With the wars over for the time being, I can finally turn my attention to my family, and I have my heir Baelor and second son Aerys both brought into my own care as my wards. It is important that a son know his father’s and his house’s rules and customs, and I intend to spend their remaining years of schooling imparting just that.

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King’s Landing is looking better than I remember it being for many years. Winter is coming, but has not yet reached us here in the Crownlands, and I enjoy some days of restful recuperation before turning my attention to the affairs of state. My first order of business is to reorganize my Small Council. I name Laren Crabb my Master of Laws and I name Archibald Martell my Hand. We do not yet completely trust each other, but the relationship is good enough, and he is one of the best candidates for the job. Although the High Septon has done an unexpectedly good job as Master of Arms I remove him from the post and appoint Lord Commander Karyl of my Kingsguard. Master of Coin I give to my sister-wife Visenya. It seems to make no difference to her opinion of me, but she is exceedingly skilled with money and numbers and, now that our finances are better, her capacity for harm is reduced. Finally I name my bastard daughter Aglantine Waters my Master of Whisperers. Growing up a bastard has taught her caution and patience, and she is clearly one of the best in the city if not the whole realm for the task.

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A few weeks later, after attending an enjoyable tourney and enjoying the fading warmth even more, I order a grand feast is to be held in King’s Landing. I shall invite essentially every lord and lady I can, and I intend to impress them with House Targaryen’s restored power and growing wealth. Miraculously, with the guests arriving and the celebrations commencing, my Grand Maester comes to visit me. He informs me with great pleasure that winter is coming to an end. I hardly believe it and ask him to confirm that this is not a joke, but he smiles and assures me that the Citadel’s best are confident winter is passing. I had never dared to dream that it might pass so quickly and with so little pain. It makes me wonder, though, why my rule is so blessed whilst my mother’s was so cursed. Perhaps the Gods, though favoring the Targaryens, could not accept even her most righteous usurpation of the Iron Throne? I cannot say.

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With this joyous news in mind, and news from The North that many of Cayn’s Northman vassals have broken away from his rule, the feast is a roaring success. Wine is drunk, food is eaten, bawdy jokes are told, and a jolly good time is had by all. For the first time in years I feel comfortable and even optimistic about the future. And then it all comes crashing down.

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Barion Tully had been engaged with a scuffle with Renly Baratheon over some inconsequential plot of land or another, but in the aftermath of his victory he declared himself King of The Trident, positing himself as equal to myself and claiming The Riverlands and The Westerlands both for himself. I also hear rumors that Lord Paramount Reynard Tyrell is planning to do the same thing with The Reach, though I cannot ascertain how true those are. It seems that yet again, war rears its head in Westeros, but if I must fight to restore the Iron Throne for House Targaryen, I shall fight. I will not be betrayed and I will not suffer traitors to don crowns and rule lands that are rightfully mine! House Tully will pay.

[Pike]

WINTER IS CO- oh wait it's already over sorry about that

[Psychotic]

Winter Is Going.

[Madame Adequate]

Don't worry, I'm sure winter will be back soon enough!

[Madame Adequate]

Chapter 27: Kingslayer

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Awaiting Reynard Tyrell’s next move proved me largely right; he has proclaimed war on us with the intent of capturing the Dornish Marches, ruled from Storm’s End, for The Reach. Though he has not formally renounced Lord Paramountcy this can only be a prelude to proclaiming himself yet another King, and I will crush him for his crimes. To my relief Lord Paramount Laren Crabb continues to be loyal and joins the war on our side as well. Renly Baratheon has said anything much but I have been able to raise men in his lands without meeting protest. Stormlands, Crownlands, and Vale, against The Reach. It should be easy but we are still rather depleted by the late wars, and I cannot speak to the ambitions of Barion Tully or Gylbert Greyjoy. Hopefully Cayn is still too distracted to post a threat, at least.

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As my men gather in King’s Landing for yet another conflict that will claim far too many lives, I read reports from the border between Dorne and The Reach. These reports give me pause. They speak of a vast number of Reachmen, perhaps 70,000 all told. I can only call up 40,000 from the Stormlands and Crownlands combined, though The Vale’s men should bring us up to parity. If Dorne were to get involved that would change matters dramatically, so I send appeals and inducements to Archibald Martell.

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While we are fighting small Reachman armies and wasting away in the deserts and mountains that border Dorne, House Tully decides to stick yet another knife into my back. Barion has declared a war upon Laren Crabb of The Vale over the holding of Chiltern, a fairly inconsequential holding that could devastate my realm.

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Mine is not the only realm riven by war, however. News comes that the Iron Islands have split in two as Great Wyk’s Gormond Goodbrother seeks to become King of Salt and Rock. In Essos, Grigg Tall-Talker has inherited control of Lys and conquered both Volantis and Myr. In fact in all the world it seems only the Summer Islands, Ibben, and Asshai are united and at peace.

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We are trapped between the coast and the mountains, with one Reachman army coming from the south and two more from the north. Although for awhile our defenses hold, their sheer numbers overwhelm us and my armies are shattered, thousands dead. I manage to get through the lines and ride for safety, taking a small ship from a Dornish port to King’s Landing.

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As I await the arrival of new men, I am gratified to learn that at least one of the many divisions in my realm may work in my favor. Cayn’s ability to hold The North is very much in question and he is fighting - and losing - a vicious war against many Northern lords who are seeking to install Cellador Stark as their liege.

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Princess Cyaena, my youngest child, is another sharp mind. I love my heir Baelor dearly, but he does not inspire much awe. Speaking of Baelor, I have been seeking a marriage for him to secure our house and perhaps an alliance, but Visenya will not allow him to leave Dragonstone. On investigation I discover the reason: They have become lovers. If she produces any more children, I may have to contend with the fact that my own son is the father instead of me.

My new army engages the Reachmen in Harvest Hall. Their army is in tatters, ranks empty and many tasks clearly being done by those untrained for them. I can only imagine how many dead Reachmen must lie in these parts, dead not from our blades and arrows but from thirst and hunger and disease.

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The fight begins well, with a daring move against the enemy flank costing them hundreds of lives, and there seems no hope for their victory. During the melee I am confronted by one Eustace Roxton, a member of some lowly house few people care about.

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We engage in tense combat, but Eustace is not one for careful moves, as he launches a vicious attack before I can ready myself! I roll out of the way before he can strike a decisive blow, though I am injured. We begin to circle each other once again.

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He tries another attack but I’ll have him this time!

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Mother’s mouth is a thin line that betrays no emotion when she informs me: Father is dead, slain by Eustace the Kingslayer in personal combat on the fields of Harvest Hall.

[Psychotic]

What an undignified end for a Targaryen king. And am I right... the new king is, quite literally, a mothersmurfer?

[Madame Adequate]

He is a complete and literal mothersmurfer, and he also has sex with his own mother.

[Psychotic]

Lovely. So that makes her both a brothersmurfer and a sonsmurfer. And indeed a nephewsmurfer come to think of it. ...are we sure her coin didn't land on "Madness"?

[Madame Adequate]

Guys, I'm afraid I have some bad news. I don't know what exactly has happened but my game has become incredibly crashy, and I can't proceed more than a couple of months into Baelor's reign without encountering a crash. As such I'm afraid I've got to bring this LP to an end However, here are some highlights that happened consistently before crashes:

Epilogue

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First, you need to understand that when I called Baelor a mothersmurfer, I wasn't insulting him for smurfing his mother. I was insulting him for being an irredeemable smurfwit. His stats are some of the worst I've ever seen a high-level royal end up with without having some sort of specific malus like Inbred or something; I've seen ugly dwarves with harelips and club feet with better stats than this.

In fact, these stats are about on par with Joffrey's, with Barion having mildly better martial and Joffrey better intrigue and stewardship. If you go back to the very first entry's very first picture, you'll see that even The Mad King has better overall stats.

The consequence of these awful stats are that everyone hates Baelor and they're all super ready to try to do something about him. For example:

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Dorne declares war to try and install some Allyrion douchegargler (also note that he has two different education traits, which is impossible without either cheating or bugs),

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My own sister begins forming an adventurer band to usurp me,

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Mother decides to marry my brother instead of me, which leaves me with just my dick in my hands when trying to find a decent wife,

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And best of all my own Lord Commander of the Kingsguard tells me to smurf off and that he's not attending my coronation ceremony.

The best possible outcome from this absolute prick on the throne would be that someone assassinates him very quickly, and his brother Aerys takes power. However, failing that there's really no way for House Targaryen to come out of this intact, and they'd end up in Dragonstone again one way or another, and I doubt I'd have had the patience to try to retake the Iron Throne a second time.

Do not worry though friends, I'm sure I shall be making a new LP before long! Thank you all for your comments and reps and supports, it's deeply appreciated