Better hand over your pudding.
Better hand over your pudding.
Alternative, less dangerous distractions other than punching a guard in the face:
- Punch an inmate in the face
- Punch yourself in the face
- Have a full-blown argument with a vending machine about killer bees
- Stand on a canteen table and sing the full version of American Pie
- Run round the prison at top speed loudly humming the WWF theme tune of the Ultimate Warrior
- Strip naked, tuck your willy between your legs and repeat "wanna smurf me?"
Day 5
Having been in this godforsaken BoB designed nightmare for 5 days, I'm starting to get a hang of the routine. For example, this is Shauna's way of saying "Good morning sunshine."
And now down to the woodworking shop to start my new jo... wait a minute. What the smurf is Jinx doing here? This will not stand, man.
Alright, if the Littlefinger method doesn't work, you can bet your ass the Robert Baratheon method will. Have at you, foul fiend!
Officer Angus, drawn by the commotion, comes over to investigate. I see this and stop stabbing Jinx in the stomach with a piece of glass. She does not stop, and Angus does my dirty work for me.
I guess that is the Littlefinger method after all.
Got wood, Jinx? HehYou certainly don't have clothes anymore.
I drag Jinx's unconscious naked body out to an isolated corner. ...uh, this is not what it looks like. She's so not my type
I'm actually doing it so that in order to get back to work, she's going to have to walk a really long way back into the main cell block to get dressed and then walk all the way back to the woodworking shop. It'll take her far too long to do that and she will get fired.
Apparently she's not the only one facing that though. Wtf do you hate Pumpkin for? It was Officer Angus who whooped your ass, girl!
Despite the fact that I assaulted her with a shard of broken glass, got a prison guard to pummel her and stole all of her belongings, Jinx is willing to sell me a lot of chocolate. Which begs the question of where was she keeping th.... oh god...
All I do is win, win, win no matter what, got money on my mind I can never get enough and every time I step up in the woodshop everybody's hands go up
AND THEY STAY THERE
And now a little section of the show I call "Things fellow inmates randomly walked in, announced, and then walked out again while I exercised":
Is this an S&M thing? Note to self, investigate.
I know, right? Those guards! What absolute assholes! Because it was most certainly the guards that did it and not a crazy shaven headed fellow prisoner, no sir, not at all!
Bless. Little teeny tiny Steve.
I'd like to see you make me, hot stuff.
Keeping my eyes firmly south... on his stock and wares... AK has just what I've been looking for. A screwdriver! Do I have a lot of cabinets or easy pack furniture to assemble? Just you wait and see.
Time for some arts and crafts in the meantime though. What can I make with all that papier mache (superglue + toilet roll in case you're wondering) you may be asking? Oh, something good. ...actually no, it's not that exciting at all. Whatever. Let me have my mystery and suspense.
Speaking of mystery and suspense, I know the thread has been awash with speculation - Will Psychotic find that paperclip for Levian? What colour will the paperclip be? Will Levian's papers become too strewn and unruly for a paperclip to be of any use before he is able to acquire one?
Your questions and prayers are answered! Crisis averted!
My hoard of forbidden majesty is growing ever larger, and soon I will run out of space in the hole in the wall. I'm about to be going up in the world, though...
My eyes are up here, you pervert!
Master of the Fork
Cid's Knight
Wow, Yeah you've got a lot of crap in there. But why escape when you can punch up other inmates? EH?
I guess you could say her day was...
Jinxed.
YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!
Originally Posted by Fynn
So far me as a guard has been dead cats and being hated
Day 6
Short and sweet today. Shauna must have places to be.
Kalevala launched his own protest at breakfast, complaining that the cafeteria grub "tastes like soil". The incident was resolved when Officer Freya offered to let him taste real soil as she ground his face into the dirt. It briefly looked like he was considering it.
Hmm, interesting development! You may recall earlier in the week he offered me money to knock out Jinx, which I was unable to do yesterday after the screws intervened. Speaking of that confrontation with Jinx...
Guess who starts his brand new job today!I mean... uh... whatever. Gotta pay the bills somehow. And making chairs is a lot better than being a cruddy janitor let me tell you.
I am told I am a visitor and I don't have the faintest smurfing clue who this person is. I will recount the entire conversation verbatim.
Kalevala really has a bee in his bonnet today, straight up knocking out Huxley during afternoon exercise period. The guards eagerly set about breaking his ribs.
Searching his pockets reveals that he was armed with... a pillow? But... how the hell did he KO Huxley with just a freaking pillow?
Aerith's Knight, fan of flower girls and the NWA.
ToriJ, MD.
In the afternoon I went shopping at what is basically my local convenience store.
Why does she have two bars of soap and a mound of dirt in there? I...
Oh god smurfing damnit! I actually had plans to go out tonight! And now I have to stay in my cell because it's being searched. I am suitably grumpy at this news.
And look at all the horrendously illegal items I have to go hide up my butt too! And today was going so well.
This is becoming slightly ridiculous.
Oh, you'll find out soon enough.
You'll want to take care of rashes right away or you'll end up with one for three years.
Look, it's been a long night, and it takes a long time to come up with these morning threat/zingers, okay!?Short and sweet today. Shauna must have places to be.
The game really loves Shauna. She's gotten more screen time than any other prison guard.
They all seem to have different patrol routes and responsibilities. Shauna's seems to be leading rollcall. And by leading rollcall I mean berating the smurf out of every last inmate.
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