Originally Posted by Bubba
Attraction is a funny thing. You can't always explain what attracts you to another person. It can be anything from the way the corner of his eyes crinkle when he laughs, or the way she digs her heels into your sides during the reverse cowgirl. It can't be quantified.
Lets take a look at some examples of these strange laws of attraction.
Award Claus & a Selection of Young, Nubile Elf Boys
A fat, elderly man with a beard surrounded by hundreds of creatures resembling eight-year-old boys raises all sorts of questions. The type of questions asked by the police whilst the sick old bastard is in handcuffs. This kind of attraction should not be pursued.
Christmas & Old Manus
Our witty Welshman is something of a dirty smurfer. So much so that I wouldn't be surprised to see him hitting on a festive holiday season. The surprise may be on him though when this holiday season turns out to be a small, crazy oriental lady laughing maniacally at his pathetically small man parts.
Fynn & Bowser
There was a kid in our class at school called Kevin who had a small collection of lizards. This opening sentence has no relevance on why Fynn has an attraction to a giant, fictional lizard with a kidnapping complex. Some people are just weird.
Jar Jar Jinx & Shauna
Some of the strongest relationships are forged over time and are cemented by shared interests and experiences. Other relationships, like this one, are forged in the knowledge that if one of them were to fall arse-over-tit into a puddle of muddy water, the other would laugh themselves senseless for about an hour whilst posting the pictures on Instagram.
Loony BoB & Your Panties Which Proudly Adorn His Face as he Slithers Around Under Your Bedsheets Like a Snake Hopped up on Mescaline
Some forms of love are as timeless as the stars. As beautiful as a midnight moon glistening on gentle ocean waves. As strong as Hugh Hefner's Viagra dosage. Like The Beatles once sang... "With a love like that, you know you should be glad"
Old Manus & SuperMillionaire
Let it never be said that Mr Manus does not set his sights high. Not content with a regular rich person, only the über rich is good enough for this Welsh scallywag. However, when his advances are inevitably rebuffed, he will no doubt be left feeling sheep........ish.
Raistlin & Mister Adequate
Dating Agency: "So Raistlin, what are you looking for in a man?"
Raistlin: "Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for Mister Perfect! But I don't want to be stuck with Mister Wrong either"
Dating Agency: "Raisty, my man... we have just the guy"
Rantzo Panza & Shaibana
As a child, I used to pretend my maltesers were cannonballs and fire them at my pet hamster as he rolled around the living room floor in his little hamster ball. I love that I can write anything in these things and you people will read it. Also, these two are both beautiful and should definitely get together.
Anyway, the waiting is over. Time to reveal the nominees for next summer's cutest couple!
