Originally Posted by
Bubba
"It was the foolish man who built Zelda out of sand" - Matthew 7:26
Daily Telegraph article from 9th July 2016.
This is now my fifth year in a row I have reported from the World Sandcastle Building Championships and I would sooner light myself on fire than come back next year. Reluctantly though, here I am. I was "lucky" enough to accompany the judges on their inspection of the 5 finalists hoping to take this years crown.
Finalist 1
Creation: A to-scale recreation of Minis Tirith from The Lord of the Rings
Verdict: Not for me. This guy is trying too hard. Also, he selfishly used up 50% of the world's sand in the process. I don't care if it took you 36 years to make. The sixth level looks wonky, the Houses of Healing look shabby and the White Tree sigils are sloppily done. He should just start again from scratch. A poor attempt.
Finalist 2
Creation: Kim Kardashian's Arse
Verdict: This is more like it. Proper art. The lady who fashioned this was clearly a rare talent. The curvature was perfect and the use of dry sand for shading was a stroke of genius. The creations are destroyed after the judging which is real shame in this case.
Finalist 3
Creation: A bucket
Verdict: My personal favourite. This young lady had filled a small plastic bucket exactly to the top with damp sand. She then turned the bucket upside down, patted the bottom and when she removed the bucket, it left behind a perfect bucket shape made out of sand. I don't think we'll see the likes of this again at the world championships. Absolute genius.
Finalist 4
Creation: The opening scene from Basic Instinct where Catherine Tramell is riding Johnny Boz then stabs him through the nose with an ice pick.
Verdict: An interesting choice. I feel the artist captured Johnny's look of pure terror perfectly. I feel Catherine's features were too detailed though. At this point in the movie we did not know who the killer was. It's clear from this depiction that this is Catherine Tramell thus spoiling the entire movie.
Finalist 5
Creation: Princess Zelda
Verdict: The eventual winner. It wouldn't have been my personal choice but the judges rule in the end. The artist in question was unusual to say the least. They only really spoke in grunts and battle cries. When asked about his inspiration he merely responded with "KYAH!!" He then would intermittently say things like "HUH" and WHAAAAHH!" Occasionally, he would lean down to Zelda and whisper something in her ear. Very strange.
I would normally finish the article by announcing the name of the winner. Unfortunately, due to his linguistic limitations, Finalist 5 was unable to confirm their name. Luckily, being a seasoned journalist, I was able to do some digging and I can officially announce that the winner is...
Galuf
I... I can feel it starting to grow back
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