Originally Posted by
Jinx
From the Shared Desk of Daniel Weiss and David Benioff
Writers,
We've recently tested with our audience, and they absolutely LOVED how Arya did smurf all for two years. They also really love how Dany has roamed around the desert and ruined things in Meereen for seemingly no reason whatsoever. Because of this information, we've decided to go ahead and add in some random, winding, and dumb plotlines to the story! We're even extending the show another 3 seasons to fit it all in--we know that we've cut a lot of book stuff out, but what fans really want is to see our own creations and storylines! No one cares about George R. R. Martin or the source material. WE are the true weavers of tales.
With that said, here are some proposed new characters and a basic outline for their story arcs:
charliepanayi: This character will be the media critic of Braavos. Remember that theatre troupe from season 6? Yeah, mainly he'll follow them around and tell everyone about their performances even though everyone has already seen them. Potential to head to Westeros before getting less and less screen time, only to be brought back years later with no warning, prompting audiences to ask, "Hey, who was that guy again?"
Colonel Angus: This character is meant to be a jester for Cersei. He'll steal all of his jokes, and Cersei won't laugh. Eventually she'll have him killed because he annoys her. Mainly this guy is here to eat up screentime. Also will be seen eating peanuts a lot. We don't know why, except that it will make his character more three-dimensional.
Fynn: Meant to be a wandering minstrel, going from town to town singing some of our old favorites like "The Rains of Castamere" and "The Bear and the Maiden Fair", and even that one song Sam sings to Gilly about weird adults who are strangely passionate about children. But just those three songs. No new songs. No one wants to hear any of THOSE. There are talks of involving him in a complicated plot of our making, undoubtedly to be ruined by the release of The Winds of Winter. Since we'll have written ourselves into a corner, we'll just have him killed. Man, where's Joffrey when you need him, right?
Steve: Now this one, this is a character we're REALLY excited about. His only real purpose is to hang around Littlefinger's brothel. He'll sexually harass the women, tell them that he's too much man for them to handle. Really, he just has no money to pay them (also cannot find a non-prostitute woman to sleep with him). One day he'll shat himself and one of the Sparrows will take pity on him and give him a bit of coin, thinking this clearly dying man might use it for somewhere warm to sleep. Oh no, he'll actually take it directly to the whorehouse and order up the finest prostitute. When presented with an actual female vagina, he'll cry. Oh, how audiences will laugh. With Arya, Jon, Sansa, Davos, Little Lady Lyanna, Sam, Gilly, Jamie, Tyrion, and Jorrah dying this season, we'll need some comic relief.
Please send us some of your ideas for these characters, we can't wait to see what you all come up with!
Sincerely,
The Masters of Craft, D & D
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