And thus I am laid bare...

I have a roof over my head, am able to eat everyday, have a loving relationship with my girlfriend of almost ten months, one of my parents cares and actively tries to accept what I have become after being raised, a few close friends, and a talent, as I am told, in the arts and writing.

However, I am not happy, for a number of reasons - many of which I feel are deeply personal and have no reason to be displayed to the public. Some are disorders that require medications and various exercizes, but they seem to continually fall short. They say that only the willing may be healed, and I do in fact wish for these afflictions to be gone, but they remain. Perhaps I will 'grow' out of them in time, for I am in fact only 18 as of right now. Yet, the greatest problem is that I cannot accept myself. I am not content with me. I fall short too often. Humans cannot attain perfection, but there is an indominatable need to be perfect within me, most likely instilled by my father...

I've had a rough and difficult life, but within the last year or so, things have taken a somewhat better turn. For those that suffer from clinical depression, aspirations and goals aren't actively laid or achieved, yet now I am making goals, and my old aspirations have become rekindled. Not only that, but new aspirations have crept into my life. Graduating may have been a very lovely catalyst for happiness. And in addition, being in a loving relationship with an understanding and caring girlfriend of almost ten months definately helps.

It's a struggle, but I do think I am crawling, slowly, out of the hell-hole that my father and I dug for my mind, body, and spirit. I'm not happy yet, but there is a dim light across the nether now, and I am making every effort to keep that dismal light within my grasp.