Didn't you know? Chück Nörris is a curse.

Anyway... my craziest Ozma beating... probably when I played with Zidane, Steiner, Quina and Freya and Ozma released Curse on me... Well, I thought I was done for, but Quina did something I had never seen before, she used a counter-attack called Sausage Madness...

A really big sausage, Kielbassa if I'm not mistaken, kind of grew out of her mouth really fast and hit Ozma in the eye (which had just appeared). Unfortunately, Ozma absorbs Sausage elemental damage, so he was fully healed. A dialog was triggered:

Ozma: "GWahaHA ! SAusage attackS ? USeleSS !"
Quina: "Is big sausage... Me so sad it go to waste..."
Unknown speaker: "Do not fret, Quina... Your true self will soon come to show..."
Quina: "Me so happy."

The battle continues and Ozma immediately attacks with an attack called "Spare". At first I thought it meant he would spare me, but no, he faded to black, three holes formed on his body and he started rolling and ran over the two middle players, Steiner and Quina. Now, Quina was blown away like an ordinary bowling cone, but Steiner, because of his heavy armour, was pressed down into the ground. He only had 1337 HP left now, but what happened? Not only did he go into Trance from his hole in the ground, but I also got a sign saying: "As a result of Steiner's 1337 HP, he found 1 computer buried in the ground!"

Now, Steiner had an invincible status from sitting down in a hole, and his command list had changed to:

Solitaire
MSN Messenger
Music
Internet

Well, I just had to try what "Internet" might be. Turns out it was like the "Item" command, but instead of items, you had websites to choose from. After browsing a bit I found "www.ozma.com" and chose it.

What shows up if not Ozma's personal webpage, including a blog and a "Lists" page. I couldn't resist reading the two latest entries in his blog. They read:

"2003-04-14 09:43:13 pm
Loneliness
I feel lonely here... I'm not sure if anyone knows I'm here. If they knew they probably wouldn't care anyway. Lately, there has been some guy outside my special place who rides on a bird-like creature. They seem to be out for vandalising my front lawn. I have thought about killing them, but there may be a chance he wants to be my friend... How do you tell?"

"2003-04-16 02:17:55 am
I can't sleep
The guy has been here a couple of more times. It seems that he shows some interest in my special place, but every time he visits there is a strange-looking creature who seems to be chasing him away... Should I kill this creature? Or maybe he wants to be my friend?

I think I need a psychiatrist.
Thanks to all understanding readers.
Love,
Ozzy"

Well, back to business then. I had to find a weak spot, except from the loneliness part... I knew it wouldn't get me very far as it would only make him angry to mention it. I opened the "Lists" page. This was interesting. He had several lists of mostly everything in his life. Well, here's what I found:

"List #205: Things that make me die

1. Lawyers
2. Lingerie
3. Creaking floors
4. James Bond
5. Oglop farts"

Hmm. Out of those five, only the last one seemed fairly achievable in the game. But how would I manage to get hold of an Oglop?

Suddenly, Freya started screaming! Apparently, Quina's true self had been revealed. It was, lo and behold, Elvis Presley (and not his slimmer self)! As you might know, Elvis collected Oglops (for their oil, which works great as hair gel). Well, there's not much more to say. Elvis released, much to his own dismay, one of his Oglops. The Oglop, still slightly shocked over how it had gotten here, stumbled over in Ozma's direction. Ozma turned pale with shock and fell down on the ground below, but not before turning into a handkerchief with a scottish pattern.


But I'll admit, your story was one step better.
Stop looking at me that way! :mog: