Okay. So a bear, a man, and a dolphin walks into a bar.
Finish the punchline.
TOPIC: What are some of your favorite "in a bar" jokes?
Joke time?!?!dsafffffffffffffff
Okay. So a bear, a man, and a dolphin walks into a bar.
Finish the punchline.
TOPIC: What are some of your favorite "in a bar" jokes?
My girlfriend is like a bar.
Liquor in the front, poker in the rear.
Sigless
A man walks into a bar and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet.
"Does your dog bite?" he says.
"No" the man replies.
A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg.
"I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" the man says indignantly.
"That's not my dog" replied the man.
"As the days go by, we face the increasing inevitability that we are alone in a godless,
uninhabited, hostile and meaningless universe. Still, you've got to laugh, haven't you?"
A man walks into a bar. Ouch.
1000 blondes walk into a bar. You'd think one of them would've noticed.
A man carrying a roll of tarmac walks into a bar and says:
"Can I have a beer please?...oh, and one for the road."
A horse walks into a bar and says to the barman:
"I'll have a whiskey please."
The barman replies with a smile:
"I spose you'll want the one with your name on it?"
"What, Eric?"
A piece of tarmac walks into a bar and screams and shouts and swears horribly at the barman, demanding a pint.
Barman: "I'll not serve you with that attitude. Just calm down!"
Tarmac: "Sorry, I've had a rough day. People walking all over me."
Later, some road walks in screaming and shouting and swearing and demands a pint.
Barman: "I'll not serve you with that attitude. Just calm down."
Road: "Sorry, I've had a rough day. Cars and lorries and all that hurtling over me."
Later, some more path walks in, screaming and shouting and swearing and demanding a pint. The barman hands one over straight away. The tarmac and road say:
"Hang on! How come you had a go at us, but just gave him a beer straight away??"
Barman: "I'm not having a go at him! He's a cyclepath!"
Last edited by Quindiana Jones; 10-06-2006 at 08:11 PM.
Quin, those are awesome
Signature by rubah. I think.
A brain walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a pint of beer please."
The barman looks at him and says "Sorry, I can't serve you."
"Why not?" asks the brain.
"You're already out of your head."
A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.
"Sorry I can't serve you," states the barman.
"Why not?!" asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice.
"You're under 18," replies the barman.
♥
A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says.
The bartender promptly serves up a beer.
"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.
"For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"
A man walks into a bar and downs a couple of beers. After being liquored up, he stands on the counter and yells "My lawyer cost me $240,000!! All lawyers are a$$holes!"
Then another man in the back jumps on his table infuriated. "Hey, I resent that!!!" he yells back.
"Why?! Are you a lawyer punk!?"
"No!!! I'm an a$$hole!!"
BEHOLD!!! The 88 Plymouth Sundance!!
A guy walks into a bar.
And then he says "ow, i should watch my step."
A man walks into a bar with a giraffe and orders a drink.
A few hours later, he leaves but forgets his giraffe.
The bartender notices and says, "Hey, you can't leave that lyin' there!"
The man says, "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe."
A mushroom walk into a bar and the bartender says, "Get out of here now! We don't serve your kind!" The mushroom replies, "Why? I'm a fungi!
...
Heres one that doesn't have to do with bars but its the same typ of joke.
So three dudes die and go to hell. the first one was addicted to fighting the second was addicted to money and the third one was addicted to sex. So they go to the devil and he says
"well, you three were not supposed to die until tomarrow so i'll send you back to earth if you can live one day withought fighting or gathering money or having sex than you can go to heaven"
So he poofs them back to earth and they start walking on a road when a large man bumps into them the one who is addicted to fighting punches him and poof he goes back to hell.
So the other two continue walking when the one who is addicted money sees a quarter on the street.
So he bends down to pick it up and poof there both back in hell.
I hope you people got that some of my friends were really slow to getting the joke.
Ok a man and his (hot)wife are playing golf. A little ways away their's a house nearby. The husband tells his wife " Don't swing towards the house, you might break a window". Well, she does so the husband and her have too go pay for it.
They go too the door and knock on it, no one answers. They walk on in, and a man is jumping around and around.
Husband: Why are you so happy?
Wife: We just broke your window.
The Dude: No,no,no when you broke the window your broke the magical lamp that was right by it. You have set me free. Now i shall give you 3 wishes. Since i can't divide it evenly i shall give you(points to the husband) 1 wish, I shall give you(points to the wife), and i shall have the last wish for myself.
The husband thinks it's a good idea so he wishes for $3,000,000 million dollars. The Genie says," Okay tomorrow your Boss will die, and you'll get his job making 3 million a year, It shall be done(snaps).
The husband thanks the Genie and is stoked about the increased income.
Now the wife wishes for a Beach Cabin in Laguna Beach, Florida. The Genie said," Tomorrow you will be called and said you have won a house in laguna beach, It shall be done(he snaps his fingers)".
Genie," Well, i've been trapped in that bottle for 23 million years, and i haven't had sex in forever so...um...".
Husband," Well, since i'm going to be making 3 mill. a year i supose you can have sex with my wife.
So the genie and the husbands wife have sex for 2 hours, and when its over she says," That was the best, ever." The Genie starts laughing. The wife says," Whats so funny?" Genie then quickly responded ,"Your Husband still believes in Genies?!?!"
Thats just wrong but very funny.
But then mine isn't much better when it somes to morals.
I'm sorry.....
Cheers foa
WARNING: LONG JOKE.
A rabbit walks into a bar and asks for a vodka.
Barman: "Sorry, but you have to order some food with your drinks here."
Rabbit: "Oh alright. I'll have a cheese and ham toasty."
The rabbit finishes his vodka and toasty, but wants another drink.
Rabbit: "Can I have another vodka, aaaand a cheese and onion toasty?"
The rabbit finishes the drink and toasty, but wants another drink.
Rabbit: "Here barman, give us another drink, and a cheese and nut toasty!"
The rabbit finishes the drink and toasty, then dies. The barman realises, so quickly disposes of the rabbit by burying it in the garden, thinking that nobody would miss a rabbit.
Later that night, the barman was awoken by some tapping. He looked towards the window and saw the rabbit's ghost!
Barman: "Look mate! I'm sorry! I shouldn't have let you drink all that vodka! I didn't know-"
Rabbit: "Don't worry! It wasn't the drink that killed me. It was mixin' my toasties." (Myxomatosis)
Barman: "Oh right...."
Rabbit: "Before I go, can I have another vodka?"
Barman: "Sorry mate, I don't serve spirits after midnight."
A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot. The bartender is curious and askes him:
"Every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why?"
The man replies:
"I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home."
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