I have returned to the place I'll return to someday
We open up in the middle of nowhere with nothing but a boat to protect us from the fury of the open sea. How have we angered you, Neptune!? The camera zooms in until we can see who's on the boat.
Hi, Garnet. Garnet!? What are you doing there? You don't know anything about boats!
Oh, it was just a dream, she's safe. Damn! I forgot how good Garnet looked in this.
We cut away to a beautiful airship ownedby a bunch of banditsa wonderful group of people belonging to the theater. We're here to put on a show for Princess Garnet's sixteenth birthday. I'm sure it will be a wonderful-- Wait a minute...
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I HAVE A TAIL! What? How? Did someone play pin the bandit with crazy glue? I demand an explanation! Oh well. I enter a dark room and need to light a match just so I can see where I'm going. As soon as I light up a candle I hear a knock on the door with people asking who I am.
Now which one of you forgot to pay the electric bill?
I'm joined by my friends Cinna, Marcus, and Blank. I'm told I'm late. I always seem to be late for these things. I ask about the boss but apparently he's late too. Before we can do anything else we're suddenly attacked by a dragon!
Strangest looking dragon I've ever seen, and I suffered through the Spyro redesign. We do battle only to find out that the dragon isn't a dragon at all. It's our boss, Baku. Hrm, that's eerily close to the word baka, guys. We go into the boss' cabin (at least I'm assuming it's called a cabin) to go over the plan for tonight's show. The main objective?
Nice doll.
We'll be performing Alexandria's favorite play: I Want to Be Your Canary. The story of a princess and a peasant falling madly in love. Marcus will be playing the lead, Blank will be playing distraction and I'll be the one doing the kidnapping. It's a good thing I was a member of SOLDIER and SeeD in a past life, or this might actually be a challenge. Once the plans are made we're brought to the second star of our show.
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VIVI!
Vivi is having some trouble. He was all excited to see the play only to find out that the ticket he bought was a dud! The ticket guy tries to make it up to him with some trading cards, but no card is glorious enough to compare to seeing my monkey tail on Broadway. Never fear! Vivi manages to sneak into the theater with the help of a buttface jerk and makes it just in time to watch the play where the queen and the princess are also at attendance.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GET IT AWAY! GET IT AWAY!
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Oh, thank God. Just keep the camera on her.
After the opening fireworks, Baku goes over the summary of the plot before Cinna, Blank and myself, go out on stage to join Marcus who is facing Baku (playing King Leo) once again pitting us against the boss. King Leo escapes and I go after him only to be blocked by Blank who likes the idea of the princess being married off to some prince instead of her true love, Marcus. In the name of peace and stuff. Smurf that! EN GARD!
We fight on top of the stage before Blank makes a run for it and I follow him out into the stands where we put on quite the show. The noblemen and even the queen herself was impressed. They wanted an encore! Smurf that as well! Blank and I sneak into the castle and took the armor of some Knights of Pluto or whatever and began searching for Garnet. Speaking of Garnet, Garnet decides to run out on her own dressed as a White Mage. We chase after her and it's during this time that a couple of jokesters inform the queen that the princess is missing and she tasks Steiner and Beatrix to go find her.
I get the feeling men in Alexandria aren't thought of all that highly, but to Steiner's credit he does his best to find the princess in spite of the incompetent Knights of Pluto and finds her being chased by yours truly on top of the tower.
She has such a pretty smile. Annnnnnnnd she drops off the tower.
That face is priceless.
But never fear! Garnet grabs onto some streamers (I think they're called streamers, I have no idea) and swings across the sky. Steiner and I go after her. Steiner is looking determined; he's going, going, going...
Ooh! Good thing he was wearing a helmet. I eventually corner Garnet in the ship where she finally revealed herself to me and told me of her true intentions.
It's not kidnapping if you WANT to be kidnapped. Then it's technically hitchhiking. Oh, whatever; you're making my job a hell of a lot easier. We meet up with Cinna and go down a secret escape hatch, only to find ourselves on stage with Baku and Marcus with an uninvited guest in Steiner. With the queen still watching we're forced to improvise the remaining scene.
That's some good improvising skills you have there. After a couple of lines are exchanged Marcus states his intent to claim vengeance against King Leo and lunges at him with his sword!
PRINCESS! NO!
Everyone is in shock.
What?
.....I see what you did thar, game. And I don't much care for the reference! *sniff* Not one bit. *runs off and cries*
All seems to be going as planned. The audience is in awe, the queen is in tears and nobody knows that the princess on stage is actually the princess whose birthday they are celebrating. All is right with the world. Until the fire nation attacked.
The flames force Garnet to jump to her feet and take off her hood. This is as good a time as any for us to make our escape. The queen is not please one bit and attempts to halt our escape with chains (kinky) and firing a freaking cannon at us! GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!
Literally!
The Bomb situates itself behind Steiner and we try to warn him of its presence. He doesn't believe us and continue his assault until he turns around and the Bomb blows up in his face. I think. My memory is kind of cloudy on account that a bunch of things have been trying to kill me since the game started. We manage to escape the city, but the damage to the airship is already too great and we crash in the Dead Forest. How can things get any--?
Me and my big mouth. I travel through the Dead Forest meeting up with Steiner and Vivi just in time to help Steiner fight the plant monster that now had Garnet imprisoned. I enter a trance, though it's more of a big glow, which increases my strength and allows me to make quick work of the plant monster, but it got away anyway. And just when we started to relax it captured Vivi!
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Don't worry, Vivi, I'll save you! Vivi isn't entirely helpless, though. He's able to cast his fire spell from inside the monster while Steiner and I attacked it head on. The plant was defeated, but not before releasing some toxic gas that knocked Vivi and Steiner unconscious. I was able to avoid the gas and bring the two back to the ship so they could be treated with medicine to heal their wounds. Baku tells me that he isn't going after the princess because his boys come first. If I wasn't head over heels in love I'd probably understand his decision, but since I am I'm furious and decide to leave the camp to go after her. For breaking the rules I have to fight him. I beat him easily. I'd like to stroke my ego at this point, but I'm pretty sure he was holding back. That last punch hurt like hell. I take Steiner and Vivi and go out looking for Garnet, and that is where we find the monster in charge.
Nowhere near as nasty or as cool looking as his minion. Anyway, we do battle. Vivi's fire hurts it because grass types are naturally weak against fire types. Steiner idea of combining his sword with Vivi's magic also proves to be a pretty worthwhile idea. We're doing just find until the beast decides to hit us all with thunder taking out me and the Black Mage.
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You can say that again. With Blank's help we're able to defeat the evil flower of doom and provide the medicine to Princess Garnet. Then, in Final Fantasy VIII fashion, we run for our lives against a bunch of monsters that want to kill us. Next thing we know THE ENTIRE FOREST IS CHASING US!
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You guys really take the Dead Forst thing seriously, huh? Against overwhelming odds we're able to escape the forest with our lives, but what about Blank!?
Oh. I guess he won't be going anywhere for a while.