“Demon’s Souls is a game that will make you into a man. A
scrawny fourteen-year-old, after two hours with this game, will be grooming his
muttonchops and ready to ship off on the next boat to fight the Kaiser. If you
are already a man, it will make you into some sort of bizarre double-man.
What’s that you say? You’re a woman? You don’t want to be a
man? Too bad.
Too bad. That’s the Demon’s Souls way.
You’ve probably heard that Demon’s Souls is hard. Pshh. Lots of
games are hard. Some are even harder than this one. The difficulty is not the
point. What sets Demon's Souls apart is the way that it doesn't just kill you,
but also stomps on your genitals when you’re down. And it will make you
realize that that’s what you needed all along.
It’s a lot like life. Sometimes in life you win, and sometimes the
giant armored skeleton stabs your face off because the flying mantis monster
you didn’t even see shot you in the back with a spike at
just
the wrong time. And when that happens in life, do you respawn at the same spot
and carry on like nothing happened? NO, asshole. You go back to the beginning
of the level, leaving all your hard-earned souls out there on the pavement, and
you fight your way back. And you learn a lesson from the whole thing, because
you should have been wearing your Thief’s Ring, now shouldn’t you?
That’s life.
The trend in hard games these days is to unlock “Easy” mode for
you once you’ve died enough times. Do you think Demon’s Souls does
that? Do you think Demon’s Souls is so much as aware of the concept of
“Easy” mode? NO IT IS NOT. If Demon’s Souls even knew we were
talking about “Easy” mode, it would come over here and kick the




out of all of us. And we would deserve it.
I’ll tell you what happens in Demon’s Souls when you die. You
come back as a
ghost with your health
capped at half.
And when you keep on dying, the alignment of the world turns black and the
enemies get
harder. That’s right, when you fail in this
game, it gets
harder. Why? Because smurf you is why.
Have I told you about the online elements? At any time when you’re in
Body form, another player from anywhere else in the world can
invade your
game and murder you to regain his own body, or just to keep you on your
toes. This happens when you’re in the middle of fighting armies of unthinkable
monsters that are probably already three-quarters of the way towards killing
you. And
no, you cannot opt out of this feature! This is what
you signed up for when you agreed to be a
man.
When this happened to me -- when a guy strolled into my game like it was
Taco Bell and exploded my torso, costing me my body and all my progress in the
level -- was I mad? No, because I was too busy
being in awe at how
smurfing
hardcore the experience was.
Now, don’t let this dissuade you. Demon’s Souls is a pitiless
master, but let it never be said that it is not fair. The game rewards
handsomely those who stand up to it, and the greater the challenge, the greater
the glory.
What the hell are you waiting for?”