Year after year, many fantastic members come and go. However, there are always those great guys who stay with us and contribute to this fantastic sexy little community, and we recognize those guys as totally awesome cool best males. But who is the best? Let us look at each candidate...
But how will we judge each male, what criterion will put one male beyond the rest?
It’s clear: bathing suit contest.
No longer will the men drool at the women during the hot spring scenes when they splash at each other and compare breast size. Now, it’ll be the boys!
Apparently Paul is much more of a weaboo than we thought............
I’m My Own MILF and I will each give our judgment on the bathing suit attire and sexiness in said attire for each male. We will then defer to our panel of ladies! Er, lady! Let us begin!
Rantzien – A funny, dedicated CK of our forum. A genuine sweetheart to all, especially to the newbies, and a lover of .gifs. He’s a really awesome person to talk off the forums as well! But is that enough to win Best (Swimsuit) Male? We shall see…
Rye: I can easily see this man wearing a very furry speedo – after all, it’s really cold in Scandinavia! It could easily become ridiculous, but that charming smile of his and his sense of dedication – not only to the forum – but to his outfit as well, will see him through this sexy contest. What do you think, MILF?
MILF: Well, I think it would be ridiculous to go diving in the fjords of Sweden without some insulation, so a tasteful furry piece would be appropriate. I’ve no doubt he can pull it off through, because his winning smile makes him look good in anything – from bathing suits to birthday suits!
The Ladies Panel:
Marshall Banana: Hopefully something pink. 10/10.
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Breine – A long time veteran, traveler of the world, Breine has been a loyal member of our fair forums for many years. Besides being a cool guy, he’s known for his Nordic good looks and luxurious locks of hair. Can that give him the edge in this competition?
MILF: Breine is also a Scandinavian, but being from sunny, southern Denmark, he has more choices in what to wear! For some reason I am feeling Friesian. A sleek, sheer black one-piece that clings tightly to his… features.
Rye: Yeah, I can definitely see it. I can the pose now; a photo of him coming out of a yellow Lamborghini, nothing but his little Friesian panties, sunglasses and a smile. It could be in a calendar. Mr. July? Let’s see what the ladies see him in:
Marshall Banana: No clue, but for some reason I'm imagining a fur coat. 10/10.
Hahahaha, okay, now I’m just picturing Breine wearing a little one piece under this coat, posed like this man from International Male.
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MILF: BRRMM-RMM-BRRR-BRR-RUMMM-RUMM-RUM! A biker, she says! Well I think a large, hairy man dressed in leather, wearing a bandanna with the flag of the USA on it cannot fail to win this thing. What do I see Mr. Mullet in, therefore? Crotchless leather chaps.
Rye: Crotchless?! Only if they're stitched from his collection of archaic 90s style leather Nike sneakers. You know, the kinds with the shocks on them. And the ladies say...
Marshall Banana: Speedo, for sure (not that he'd even swim; he'd just run around). Oh, well. 10/10.
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Psychotic – Jolly old Psychotic. A new admin, a member for just about forever, designer of the most recent EoFF game that he worked on for like, 5 years, and an up-and-coming writer (just kidding.) He's been one of my best friends on the forum the longest time, and he's a really cool dude. Also, he's eaten kangaroo! Have YOU eaten kangaroo? (Nobody cares Jiro 
bloody Aussies)
Rye: A proud British boy, with a nice classic English accent? Union jack boxer shorts would be too obvious. It would be clearly be this: Imagine, if you will, a yellow feathery one-piece. On the crotch is a chocobo's plushy face, jutting out. On the back, is a big feathery tail. Maybe if you press the beak, it will say “hi hi mate?” =O
MILF: I have imagined this terrible thing. So, now, have our fellow forumgoers. I am proud that we could bring them such nightmares! (By the way, he has the Union Flag tattooed across his chest, so that's already covered. He emulates his great hero John Major, you see.) Speaking of, if it isn't the chocobo thing, he would wear a one-piece, the front of which would be occupied by the glorious visage of the Iron Lady herself, Maggie T.
Rye: Maybe Maggie T. cosplaying as a sexy chocobo? Could happen.
The ladies Panel:
Marshalla Banana: My dad usually wears blue swim trunks. 0/10, because of "dad."
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Levian – A Norwegian man of mystery. Some say he's a midget (but that's so 2006) some say he has a giant scissor for an arm, some say he's a vampire! Can this two-time hit musician (I ate your smurfin' cat & I Can See Your Boobies) make us vote for him? Maybe he'll dazzle us.
MILF: Another Scandinavian! Gosh, aren't there an awful lot of them these days? Well, Levian isn't like the others. Levian is something different and special. Levian, in my opinion, would turn the skins of his rivals into leather. A true Wiking through and through, his outfit would be complimented by the flayed forms of his opponents!
Rye: He'd knit the hair that he takes off of Bella Swan's brush while he watches her at night into a thong. Clearly.
MILF: One of these probabilities is more awesome than the other.
Ladies Panel:
Marshall Banana: Levian would wear nothing but sparkles. 10/10.
We'd all like that!
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DK – And last, but certainly not least, is DK. Half Kyon, the naruto fanboy sig maker and half Ronnie Coleman impersonator and lover of all big buff black men, DK wins the hearts of millions with his ability to make wall of text defenses of multicultural Britain while completely drunk and the complementary ability to completely forget the next day. Is it enough to win? We shall see...
MILF: Does this really need to be explained? Kyono-kun would wear a neon pink thong. That is all.
Rye: Ahem, I think you'll find that it is an
amethyst purple thong, thank you very much. Jeez, some people...
None too impressed with you, Huxley.
Ladies Panel:
Marshall Banana: Uh, that thing his Sim wears. I have no clue. 10/10.
Can he run away with the win?!
I can't possibly end this better than that. Let us now see who is our fabulous male winner!
Originally Posted by Marshall Banana
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