Kiss em, praise em, drown em, and give em a cookie!

[Jiro]

FFI:
I would kiss Black Mage because he doesn't get enough love
I would praise Red Mage for being awesome
I would drown Thief because omg you suck
I would give a cookie to Black Belt because I bet his diet is hardcore and he deserves a treat

I'm not familiar with the next few so I will jump to

FFVI:
I would kiss...Terra. Because yeah, she needs to understand love and I can show her
I would praise Edgar on being the king with the most to boast
I would drown Ultros
I would give a cookie to Umaro because we all know he likes cookies

FFVII:
I would kiss Aeris because she is my kind of girl. I'd be sad when she died too
I would praise Johnny on becoming more manly
I would drown Palmer for being such a useless idiot
I would give a cookie to Reeve for being a good fella in the end

FFVIII:
I would kiss Selphie because she's cute
I would praise Laguna on being a good president
I would drown General Caraway or Martine or whoever it was that set us the smurf up, bastards
I would give a cookie to Zell because they're almost as good as hot dogs

FFIX:
I would kiss... the pilot girl, you know the one, the one Zidane promised an airship ride to and then screwed over. She deserves to be treated right, ya know
I would praise Vivi because gosh that little guy is amazing
I would drown everyone who outbids me in the auction house
I would give a cookie to Quina because Quina likes yummy yummies

FFX:
I would kiss Yuna because Rikku is totally jailbait and also Yuna needs to loosen up a bit
I would praise Wakka on making the choice to be a full time Guardian and give up his dream (plus on dropping the ignorance)
I would drown that guy in the Crusaders with the annoying voice. Bonus points if anyone says they would drown someone in Kilika, you sick bastards
I would give a cookie to Rikku, she's too skinny. Eat a little extra gurl

FFX-2:
I would kiss Rikku now because she's legal and cute but seriously put real clothes on girl
I would praise Yuna on loosening up (thanks to me of course )
I would drown LeBlanc because bitch pisses me off
I would give a cookie to Gippal (that's the Al Bhed guy right?)

FFXII:
I would kiss Fran because it would be interesting
I would praise Balthier because I love that man
I would drown whoever decided to make the Zodiac Spear so hard to find, bastards
I would give a cookie to Bal'gamman or whatever, dude needs to chill out

[Shaibana]

Who are Johhny, palmer and reeve? :O

[Vyk]

I don't remember Johnny, though I'm thinking he may have been a kid in the slums whose money you had the option to steal? Pretty sure that kid was looking up to his brother, wanting to grow up to be strong and brave like him or something. I could be sorely mistaken though

Palmer was an exec for Shinra and a sub-boss while getting Cid. He fights you while you're getting the broken air-plane. He's a fat useless tard

Reeve is (SPOILER)the man behind Cait Sith (the one controlling it [Cait Sith being a robot and all])

[Shaibana]

aah alright... i remember that fat guy now

[qwertysaur]

FF I
Kiss: White Mage/Wizard for saving my life
Praise: Dr Unne for translating the Rosetta Stone.
Drown: Warmech for killing me when I was younger
Give a cookie to: Bahamut, thanks for the class change

FF II
Kiss: Maria.
Praise: Guy. Beaver translation is a very useful skill.
Drown: Borghen.
Give a cookie to: The beavers.

FF III
Kiss: Refia
Praise: Cid. He's the man who set the plot into motion
Drown: Kraken. He deserves it in the same way Borghen does
Give a cookie to: Arc. He's so adorable

FF IV
Kiss: Adult Rydia
Praise: Kain for being an excellent dragoon
Drown: Dr Lugae can go play with Octomamon. :tpg: :tpg: :tpg:
Give a cookie to: Child Rydia.

FF V
Kiss: Bartz. Just to see his reaction
Praise: Galuf. For being Galuf.
Drown: Karlabos. For poor Syldra
Give a cookie to: White mage Krile

FF VI
Kiss: Edgar.
Praise: Kefka for being a great villain.
Drown: Maria, so Celes has a steady position at the opera.
Give a cookie to: Mog.

FF VII
Kiss: Tifa
Praise: The sister ray
Drown: Hojo, he's too insane.
Give a cookie to: The white chocobo that has the Contain Materia.

FF VIII
Kiss: pupu
Praise: pupu
Drown: whoever doesn't give pupu elixer
Give a(n) cookie elixer to: pupu

FF IX
Kiss:
Praise:
Drown: Zorn. Just Zorn.
Give a cookie to:

FF X
Kiss: Yuna
Praise: Auron
Drown: Yu Yevon
Give a cookie to: The kid who wants to be a Blitzball when he grows up

FF XII
Kiss: Gurdy. I'll use the distraction to play with her pom pom
Praise: The entities. I don't want to feel their wrath again
Drown: Bergen.
Give a cookie to: The Giza rabbits

FF XIII
Kiss: The frocobo
Praise: The frocobo
Drown: Bartandelus
Give a cookie to: the frocobo

[Mercen-X]

FFI:
Kiss the Princess of Cornelia cause she's a princess and I hope she's cute...
Praise Red Mage, cause he's the melee mage and Vincent made me love redcoats
Drown you for thinking Thief class is crappy cause Ninja was my favorite
Give the Cookie to no one. My damn cookie!

FFII
Kiss Maria... baby, maybe second base? Yes?
Praise Firion just 'cause he looks cool in the opening FMV and he's awesome in Dissidia despite his arrow. I know it shouldn't count toward the original game but... whev.
Drown myself in tears 'cause my PS2 won't play the PS1 version anymore. I hope I didn't lose or sell my PS1. It's been a long time since I looked for it.
Give a Cookie Minwu 'cause I like his name.

FFIII
Kiss little Warrior of Light, can I call him a girl?
Praise Warrior of Light
Drown Warrior of Light... there are too damn many of them!
Give a Cookie to the Warriors of Light. I'm sorry I tried to drown one.

FFIV
Kiss Rydia... awww.
Praise Cecil and Kain for perfectly owned rivalry.
Drown Palom & Porom for having so many artists draw them as deformed midgets... don't worry, they won't die... they're encased in stone.
Give a Cookie to Edge and Cid, for always making me laugh.

FFV
Kiss Faris... wow! He's a girl. Suddenly, I'm not so confused anymore.
Praise Boko... aren't you cute? Who's a good bird? You are! Yes, you are!
Drown the Gilgamesh... just because.
Give a cookie to Boko. Oh look! He's eating a cookie! It's so cute!

FFVI
Kiss Terra... she needs some love.
Praise Shadow... but wait, will it just go to his head?
Drown Magitek... that stuff is an abomination.
Give a cookie to Mog. He's so cute!

FFVII
Kiss Tifa... because she's hot. Kiss Yuffie because she's cute. Kiss Aerith becaue she's about to die.
Praise Cid for actually being a pretty decent character and fighter.
Drown Yuffie for trying to steal my Materia!
Give a cookie to Ultima and hope he goes away.

FFVIII
Kiss Quistis... she is so hot!
Praise Irvine... got to hand it to the man, he is popular with the ladies.
Drown Biggs and Wedge... those guy are so damned annoying.
Give a cookie to a moomba. They need to bring them back.

FFIX
Kiss Eiko... she seems so lonely.
Praise Trance... it took LIMIT to its limit.
Drown Trance... what the hell!? Where did it go? What the hell? Why is it activating now!? Stupid useless son of a piece of...
Give a cookie Eiko. She's so cute.

FFX
Kiss Lulu... itp homerun, Lulu?
Praise Kimahri... little Ronso need big encouragement.
Drown the Blitzball Players... seriously though, how do they not drown?
Give a cookie to Shinra... I know he's from X-2, but he's the only one who would appreciate it.

FFXI
Kiss. Praise... Drown! Cookie. Fart.

FFXII
Kiss Fran... she's hot and she's cool and she's hot!
Praise Balthier... he's like James Marsters-cool.
Drown pretty much everyone else.
Give a cookie to Ultima. You finally get to summon Ultima.

FFXIII
"Kiss my fist, Orphan. HAHa!"
Praise the game for getting a sequel, I guess.
Drown the Paradigm Shift... come on.
Give a cookie to... aw hell no! It's mine!

[Jiro]

I don't remember Johnny, though I'm thinking he may have been a kid in the slums whose money you had the option to steal? Pretty sure that kid was looking up to his brother, wanting to grow up to be strong and brave like him or something. I could be sorely mistaken though

Johnny is the red headed guy who grew up with Cloud and Tifa. You see him at various points throughout the game. In Costa del Sol you interrupt him about to jump in the shower with his new girl

[NeoCracker]

its just such a male-action..
u only look at how they look, and u kiss them for that?

I'd kiss Rinoa cause she's hot AND it would prevent any of that mindless drivel from pouring out her mouth.

[Mercen-X]

its just such a male-action..
u only look at how they look, and u kiss them for that?

Git beck ti Knitting.

[Shaibana]

its just such a male-action..
u only look at how they look, and u kiss them for that?

Git beck ti Knitting.

Go hunt a deer -.-

[Hollycat]

its just such a male-action..
u only look at how they look, and u kiss them for that?

Git beck ti Knitting.

Go hunt a deer -.-

Please don't, go hunt a fish

[Shaibana]

i dont like fish!! D: i want a deer!!

[Mercen-X]

i dont like fish!! D: i want a deer!!

I love fish! Praise Leviathan! Hurt a Gambaa.

[Hollycat]

Leviathan can take out bahamut in the sea, unfortunately bahamut doesn't swim much....

Fish is tasty, so is chicken

[Mercen-X]

The original Bahamut is actually supposed to be a giant fish. Bahamut is a derivative of Behemoth though sadly... behemoth was originally used just to describe the bull.
Geosgaeno big fish power! Praise Leviathan! Activate hyper-accelerated cookie machine. Feed the fish!