
Originally Posted by
fire_of_avalon
*deep breath*
How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.
What did God say when he created Adam?
I can do better than this.
What did God say when he created Adam?
I can do better than this.
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow.
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow.
Why do men like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.
Why do men like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.
Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?
Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?
What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A tourist.
A man rubbed a lamp and a genie came out. The man asked to be stronger than any other man. He was given the strength to crush boulders. He asked for the worlds fastest sports car and a ferrari appeared in front of him. He then asked to be smarter than any other every man on the earth. He was turned into a woman. She then said thank you.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
A woman is in a terrible accident, and she needs to receive a brain transplant. The doctor tells her, "Well, a man's brain costs $900,000 dollars and a woman's costs $100,000." She is extremely offended and asks why. The doctor smiles and says, "That's not sexism, it's standard pricing procedure. We have to mark the women's brains down because they've been used."
How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.
A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why do men name their penises?
Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.
What's the difference between an intelligent man and a UFO?
I don't know, I've never seen either one.