Originally Posted by
Flambard D'Quinceteth
Well, now we have to hear it, Steve. xD
I think you know the story actually but fine for those who haven't heard it and want to know how bad a date can go? Here goes...
Below is the honest to God... so smurfing help me, true story of the worst date I ever had! And it was all my fault!
I was about 16/17 at the time and went to a rock club with a girl (Lauren) from college. She was cute I was definitely digging her and the events of that night ruined any chance of us ever hooking up properly. We were underage, so sue us lol... were were also stupid.
Outside the club we got smashed on like 6 cans of fosters and a liter bottle of vodka. Now that in itself back in those days would be enough to put me in the ground I weighed nothing, I had no tolerance built up it was my first time ever clubbing, stupidly tried to keep up with people who could drink me under without thinking bout it because I wanted to impress the girl. Somehow we still got in even though I was literally almost falling over drunk!
Inside the club I don't remember much, bit of a mosh pit, bit of a wander round, a dance, some making out and then sitting in the chill out room with her friends who were in the club as well. One of her friends offered me some of her drink because she didn't feel up to it. Stupidly drunk as I was I accepted this half glass of JD and Coke and proceeded to down it.
Unknown to the pair of us, the drink had been spiked with Ketamine... fun times. Thankfully (I rather I take the hit than a girl have my morals by this point) the girl escaped with being pretty sick and getting carried home by friends. I on the other hand had already drunk enough to knock out a baby smurfing elephant let alone a 16/17 year old idiot me.
I wound up blacking out and suffering cardiac and respiratory problems. I was carried outside on to the street by a bouncer and there the girl I was on the date with (Lauren) had to help him perform mouth to mouth resuscitation and cpr to bring me back from being technically a dead man. I was then force fed chips and milk to make me void my stomach, people have told me since this was probably a stupid idea but at the time it got me from being a total wreck to being actually conscious enough to groggily talk to people. By the time the ambulance called for me arrived I was actually standing up and leaning on the wall. The ambulance crew legally had to ask me to go hospital they couldn't force me even though I'd been dead less than an hour ago. It's at this point I said the only thing that night that the bouncer remembered which was "I'm alive, I'm breathing and I'm standing, I'll live... do me a favour? Please? Piss off and save someone who needs saving don't worry yourselves on my stupid drunk ass" (we didn't know I'd been spiked at this point)
After a while the bouncer was literally like "Ok darlin, either take him home or go inside." to Lauren and she had to go upstairs to get her things from the locker room, she decided that to prevent me getting mugged she had to "mug" me herself and so she did. Lauren had my phone, travel card, keys, cash, the works was on her. However when she went upstairs to get her stuff I ended up apparently deciding I'd had enough waiting and went home. I don't remember getting on the night bus, in fact I don't remember an awful lot about any of this, the night had to be reconstructed slowly in pieces a few days later. Somehow the night bus driver agreed to let me ride the bus for free, probably intended to drop me at the Whittingdon hospital in Archway but forgot when I disappeared in the crowd. Well. I made it to Finchley, approximately 3 miles from my house and had no hope of walking it, I could barely bloody stand. I'd fallen over getting off the bus and had blood pouring from a small cut in my face. A drunk guy took pity on me and called me a cab to get me the rest of the way home.
I rocked up on my mom's doorstep about 10 mins later in a cab at about 4am. I then had to wake my mother up because I had no means to pay the taxi. My mother as I'm sure many of you can imagine... was less than impressed. About a day later when I still felt ill my Mom insisted I go to the doctors and so I went where he did a blood test. Legally had I been a driver I still would've been over the limit to do so. smurfing good job I did! The results of the blood test a few days later then revealed my blood had traces of Ketamine which involved a awkward discussion bout drug abuse with my GP.
About 3 days after the event I eventually bumped in to Lauren, Lauren lived like 2 mins from my home but we'd kinda avoided each other since. (well for 1 day I couldn't even bloody move hahaha) This was when she eventually returned my belongings and we went for a coffee and we pieced together the process of the night, I'd scared her so bad with the whole being dead thing and she was exceptionally mad at me for telling the ambulance to save someone else even if I had been a bloody legend for saying it. We both kinda looked at each other and was like "yeah... should do this again sometime?" we eventually went clubbing together again but it was very, very awkward and we never once so much as went beyond holding hands after that.
So essentially the worst date I ever had, I drank too much trying to impress a girl (yes, there was a time I wasn't smooth skilled and sophisticated) managed to get spiked and then literally died on her in the street.
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