The Official "Why Pike Shouldn't Ever Get Married, Ever" Thread

[Quindiana Jones]

Personally, I think she should remain forever alone, but hey ho, she's ignoring all my Mognet Messages.

As it is, she's dating someone. Some jerk. What if it's serious? What if they actually like each other and it's not simply a formal arrangement for ease of reproduction? What they get married?!

What we need to do is dissuade Pike of her preconceptions of marriage, and make her realise that her partner has no good points. We shall do this by listing everything bad about I'm My Own MILF and why that'll only get worse if they get hitched.

1. Irish, so inherently violent and prone to alcoholism.
2. Freakishly tall, so they'll have to move into a house with 1.5x floors. Basically, a castle. Do you know how expensive castles are?
3. Moderates a Final Fantasy forum, so is obviously a sociopath.
4. Has a nice, gentle voice, so is obviously a sociopath or, at best, a child molester.
5. Probably eats too much ravioli.

Now it's your turn, EoFF. Feel free to get involved, Hux 'n' Pike; you know MILF better than anyone.

[Laddy]

Don't you see they're obviously MADE for each other.

[Clo]

The first time he Dutch ovens her, she might get second thoughts.

Unless he already has. Then she's passed the Fourth Challenge and now must face the boss battle.

I almost want you guys to make a list about me to give to my boyfriend. I tell him I suck, but he doesn't believe me!

[Pike]

1. Irish, so inherently violent and prone to alcoholism.

Don't forget that he's also half-Estonian, which should really tell you everything you need to know.

[Madame Adequate]

Eh, didn't bother Rye when I did that Clo. Then again Rye's just deranged. My farts are still pretty fragrant though.

[Citizen Bleys]

Hux is awesome. Don't listen to any urine-swilling guttersnipes who say anything to the contrary.

[The Man]

urine-swilling guttersnipes

I'm going to have to steal this.

[NorthernChaosGod]

Well his name is Huxley.

[Raistlin]

Huxley? More like Sucksley, amirite.

[Jiro]

Don't smurf with him. He's kind of like a big cuddly teddy bear but bears are ferocious and so he will just tear out your windpipe.

EDIT: and by that I mean Pike should definitely marry him for protection

[Tigmafuzz]

Quin, we already have a being nosey thread.

Don't forget that he's also half-Estonian, which should really tell you everything you need to know.

He's Pauly Shore?

[Shorty]

Because Huxley as an evil world dictator enforcing his reign of terror with his Pikebot at his side will mean the end for all of us.

It's up to EoFF to save the world, folks. Rip these two apart.

[Agent Proto]

Robots need to mate and procreate too.

[Freya]

Robots don't mate or reproduce like that. They come of assembly lines, silly.

[Agent Proto]

I was figuratively speaking in my post.