Best NPC
The Nominees
Bugenhagen - FFVII ·
Cid Fabool IX - FFIX ·
Gilgamesh ·
Moogle ·
Mukki - FFVII ·
Stay Away From The Summoner Lady - FFX ·
Ultros - FFVI
Please give a warm welcome to the presenter of this award...
Balthier & Fran
Balthier: Welcome audience, and Balthier and Fran here will be presenting the Best NPC award. Now, the public who I meet are either attempting to lynch me and steal the cache of Galabados, which happens as often as Fran collapses through mist exhaustion...
Fran gives cold stare to Balthier.
Balthier: or they are worshipping me down at my feet. It is hardly surprising, the leading man often attracts all sections of the audience. But this award isn’t about me, unfortunately. It is about the props that make up the play.
Fran: What Balthier is trying to say is that the NPCs that make up each game are special and are crucial to us all. And I am not just saying that because I am effectively an NPC for virtually all of the game...
Balthier: Whatever you say Fran. Anyway, let us begin by discussing what is perhaps the most consistent of all of the NPCs we have here tonight. Gilgamesh has appeared since FFV and has been Bartz’s favourite ever since. Why is this? Let me cast you back to my own encounter with Gilgamesh. He appears on the bridge with the grace of Basch’s running stride and the rest of the battle creates a most humorous atmosphere. Couple that with his little sidekick here and you have the making of a NPC legend. Everyone needs a sidekick, right Fran?
Fran gives cold stare to Balthier.
Fran: Ultros is another candidate worth consideration. While I cannot fathom why anyone would want to cast a vote for this misogynist, Ultros does match Gilgamesh’s ability for haphazard cut scenes. The mist is perpetually pink around him. A clear sign of madness. Thankfully, Bugenhagen is a worthy candidate. His knowledge of Gaia rivals my ability to seemingly know everything about Ivalice. Bugenhagen resides in Cosmo Canyon, a mystical place that is secretive, much like the Eryut Villa--
Balthier is caught seducing Rinoa Heartilly in audience seating area.
Fran: Tsk! Balthier!
Balthier: Oh, Fran, you know the leading man is nothing without a leading lady right? Of course, you wouldn’t qualify. I need a strong heroine to better suit my sky pirating needs...
Fran, seething, storms off.
Balthier: As they say, if you can’t take the heat, get off the stage. Am I saying this right? Anyway, where was I? Ah, yes - Mukki is a weird fellow. I first met him in the Honeybee Inn; for business, I assure you. He is a great candidate because of the fine masculine looks he gives to the game, as I do to my own...
Wolf whistles from female audiences and ...Hope Estheim?
Balthier: Thank you, ladies. Moving on, the moogle is one NPC that is friendly in a non-sexual sense. While I admire my friend Mukki and the many adventures we experienced together, the moogle has always been the epitome of cute and for this very reason I hired Nono as my mechanic. While it is said Fran can handle a spanner, Nono has the smooth touch that only moogles know how. They have appeared in various forms throughout the series, and I look forward to them each time. They are the foil to my leading man, as they say.
Balthier squints hard
Balthier: Wait.. am I reading this right? Stay Away From the Summoner Lady? Why isn’t You're a Bad Man Girl on this list also? I expected better from you, Spira. Moving on to our last candidate, Cid Fabool IX is a strange case. He begins human, then a oglop, then a frog. I realise that Terra is multicultural, this world has more races than Ivalice, and we have an entire game based around those races. Again, I am astounded. This dashing sky pirate is at a loss to explain why he has been chosen to host this award... anyway...
In a hidden place in the ceiling, Irvine prepares a bullet...
Irvine, whispering: If I kill him, I shall obtain the cache of Galabados and the strahl all for myself...
Balthier: And so the winner of this blasted award goes t-
Fran: Watch out Balthier!
Fran rushes in, pushing Balthier aside and dodging the bullet. Irvine scurries back to his designated seat as quickly as possible, failing in his mission (again).
Balthier: Fran, my dear... you saved my life... I should never have doubted you as being some low-rate playable character. I am a changed leading man.
Fran: The mist grows hot. Let us finish, quickly, the audience is getting rowdy with the frequent interruptions...
Balthier & Fran: The award for Best NPC goes to....
Originally Posted by Formalhaut
Drag, you have no patience whatsoever.
I be at 10 correct now, how about ye?
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