The First Fascist Party of Eyes on Final Fantasy

[CimminyCricket]

I hate gunk in my eye when I wake up like I hate pink eye.

[The Pink Extremist]

I can't believe you gave into them Psy. YOU ARE ONE OF THEM! You used to be the champion of the populace, now you are just part of Shinra! In cahoots with the former leader of the Elitist Party no less!

[Loony BoB]

Since Psychotic is a member of this party, I'm interested in knowing how this party views the newbies of Eyes on Final Fantasy. If his views reflect his recent temporary position within the Newbie Party, it would be interesting to have discussions on how our parties can push forward the newbie cause on two fronts.

[Del Murder]

Newbies are cool I guess.

[Psychotic]

I don't have an opinion on Elitism or newbies. Live and let live. This whole eye gunk business is much more pressing to me. Whose idea was it to put gunk in people's eyes? Whoever it was is not on my Christmas card list anymore, let me tell you.

[Iceglow]

Even worse whose bright idea was it to put the same gunk in our eyes that Ear wax is made of?

[Madame Adequate]

Steve what the hell is wrong with either your eyes or your earwax, you need to see a doctor about that like right now.

[Iceglow]

I remember reading that somewhere. I'm unsure either way it's not an attractive look when you wake up next to someone.

[Psychotic]

Look Steve, there's no need to come in spinning tales of waking up next to people to win our support. If you want to know where we stand, I will confirm that we are not supporters of ear wax - if we had to choose sides, we would be against it. It's not a big of a deal as the eye gunk though, and we won't be going to war over it any time soon.

I am sorry we can't offer any more assistance and on behalf of myself and the rest of The Don't You Just Hate that Gunk in your Eye When you Wake Up? Party, I wish you well with your ear wax crusade.

[Del Murder]

Yeah, Steve. We need to learn to choose our battles, and the eye gunk is clearly the issue at the forefront of these elections.

[chionos]

You know, guys, they make hats that protect your eyes from the night-gunk. If you were to embrace the hat, then you too would be protected.

In the third chapter of St. Vivacious Vixen Tooty Toot the apostle:

"And the Heavenly Cap spake unto me and said,

'Don thy cap, for the evil one will flee thy presence in the night, and will not fill thy eyes with gunk, and will not touch thy private parts without thy permission.'

And I fell to my knees and shielded my eyes from the glory of the Hat on High, and said unto Him,

'Most Cunning and Caring Chapeau, wherewith shall I find the courage to wear mine hat in the night. For I am most unworthy of thy Call.'

And the Lord of Headgear spake once more unto me, saying, 'All are worthy to partake of my Cunning. I give unto each a measure of the glory of the Celestial Hat, wherewith thou shalt don thy cap with thine own fingers and thou shalt doff thy hat in the presence of beauty, which is a reflection of mine own self. And I shall watch over you in the night time, and see that the evil one, whose name is Tifa's Boobs, does not fill thine eyes with gunk, nor wee on thy chest.'

And the Lord cleared mine eyes of gunk, and set my hand on the proper path of donning mine unique Cunning Cap, and the clouds didst part, and I saw the gates of Heaven were two Golden Caps, and atop every tree lining the Celestial roadway a Tam-o'-Shanter rested sidelong, and atop the Celestial mountain a great red and orange woolen hat showed unto all the land and gave its glory unto each creature, and its tassels shook against the mountain like drums and gave unto me the wondrous awe of the Lord, and just as I thought my eyes would melt from the hat's glory or my heart burst from sheer force of Classiness, the Celestial Candescence enter once more unto Heaven, and the clouds came together once more. But on my head sat the emblem of the Hat Most High, and I so went out among the people to share the glorious news of the Cunning Cap, and miracles were wrought and there was much rejoicing."

[Jinx]

Those aren't hats. They're eyepatch thingies.

[Del Murder]

So chionos was a bot this whole time?

[chionos]

Does that mean you are interested in hearing more about the Lord Cap? We can arrange a some time to sit down together and talk more about the Good Hat News. I can bring my friends if you're comfortable with that. Each of us is gifted a unique dispensation of hat. Tonight at 8? Okay good, we'll be there, see you then, bye.

[Psychotic]

So chionos was a bot this whole time?

And there was me thinking a village was missing its idiot the entire time. It just goes to show!