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noxious.sunshine

Hate Me Now.

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by
noxious.sunshine
, 06-25-2013 at 01:13 PM (1329 Views)
This is actually hard for me to talk about.

[COLOR=#3E3E3E]I had an abortion.

I've actually had 2.

The first one happened during a very difficult time in my life, and yes, I will be woman enough to admit, I don't know who the father was - though there were only 2 possible choices. No I never cheated on my ex or anything like that, but he's the one that paid for it.

I actually didn't feel bad about that one. I found out I was pregnant early on and was able to take the medication to end the pregnancy. I was only like 3 weeks.

This time, was different. I had to wait. And wait some more for Jay to get paid.

Why did I choose abortion this time? Because we weren't ready - at all. The child that I already have is my Life and she's my main focus. How dare I get pregnant with another baby when -she- doesn't even live with me? Not to mention we're not financially stable for a baby of any sort.

And no, adoption was and never will be an option.

I don't care if I get a lot of "hate" messages telling me I'm a horrible person.

I know I am. This time around, I saw it. I did the medicinal abortion (misoprostol) in my home which induced the contractions and the abortion. I saw the baby. I scooped it up as gently as I could and I held its hand - yes there was one - and I buried it.

Either way, this is something that's hurt me a lot and caused me a lot of grief. I know I'm an awful person for it.
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Comments

  1. Slothy's Avatar
    I can't imagine why I'd hate someone or consider them a horrible person for exercising their right to choose. Honestly, I don't think this is the sort of place where you're going to get a lot of hate messages for discussing your decision to have abortions.

    I'm not really sure what else to say though since I've never been in your position and can't pretend to understand how you must feel about everything, but it isn't mine or anyone elses place to judge you for it. If it is a decision that has caused you grief then I hope you can come to terms with it in time.
  2. Pumpkin's Avatar
    Well, I wont pretend to agree with it, but I can see your reasoning and I am happy to see you actually care and acknowledge your decision. I know it can't be easy, so if you need someone to talk to privately, feel free to PM me.

    We're all human and we all make decisions that not everyone will agree with, but that doesn't mean we don't deserve support in difficult times.
  3. Shaibana's Avatar
    well its really a mather of view.. some see it as murder, some see it as a better dicision.
    i see it that way to. if i were pregnant i would have got an abortion to.
    i can easely say that i am not emotionly/financially ready for a kid. i dnt want kids at all!

    ppl are easy in judging, saying it is murder, but i consider not being able to take care of a child or sort of murder to!

    i hope you feel better soon and realise that you have made the right decision for this time!

    i think it would have been emotionly even harder if you choose to give birth to a child and then give it out for adoption

    edit: im pregnant-fobic :l
    Updated 06-25-2013 at 08:43 PM by Shaibana
  4. noxious.sunshine's Avatar
    Thanks guys. That means a lot
  5. fire_of_avalon's Avatar
    I am so sorry for what you've gone through and I hope that for both abortions that you didn't have to go through it alone.

    It is a horrible decision to have to make with no easy or obvious answer. All you can do is make the decision that is right for you and your family given the circumstances before you. Anyone who wants to hate you for it is shallow and self-centered. Anyone who wants to debate you on a decision like this is... is someone I wouldn't be able to stand.

    I admire your strength, to be able to that honest with yourself and still let yourself feel. Keep your chin up.
  6. nik0tine's Avatar
    I don't hate you.