noxious.sunshine

I can't deal with this bs.

Dude is in the Army , right. And he hates it.

Ok fine, you hate it, but it's still you're f***ing -job-. You still have to do it and you're stuck anyway, so you might as well freaking do the ish -right-.

Does he? Nope. He uses every excuse he can to get out of working - extends doctor's appointments, makes -up- doctor's appts. He even used my appt for my abortion as an excuse to get out of work and I didn't even -want- him there. He told his superiors that I was having goddamn -surgery-.

So he comes home for "break" and jumps on the laptop to play Ragnarok - the only thing he cares about doing when he's home. Well long story short, his superior calls, yelling at him for leaving base when he wasn't supposed to & some other trout and his response is: "Oh, I'm getting something to eat". Superior hangs up on him and he just goes right back to playing his stupid game.

And dead serious, I asked him if this is how he's gonna be when he gets out and he's like "No." and I'm like "Wellll you already -are-, so who's to say that it's gonna be different once you get out?" and then I said "I guess I was just raised differently, but this behavior and this attitude/blatant disrespect towards your job & what you do would really infuriate my father and make him sick to his stomach. You're supposed to be a man, so grow the eff up and be one already."

I mean, I already told him he should just re-enlist and stay in because at least it's job security and a guaranteed paycheck & health benefits and he can easily be retired by 35. Does he listen? Nope. He wants to blow his effing GI Bill on freaking -Aviation Mechanics- - another job field where jobs are scarce & limited. And my ass ain't moving all over just so he can go work wherever.. -IF- he manages to land a job actually doing that. Which he won't. He'll be like all the other 918273981273 people with a college degree & can't find a job.

It's his life, but if he expects me to stay in it, something's gotta change. I can't stand this whole slacker laziness BS. I'm surprised he can even wipe his own goddamn ass on his own. I know I'm jobless right now, but I bust my freaking ass cleaning up after -him- and cooking for -him-. He tries to give me a budget on groceries, and I stick to it, but he eats so freaking much -I- wind up having to go a couple of days without food until pay day just so he can eat 'cuz otherwise he'll whine and complain. Like today and last night - all we had left was like 1/2 dozen eggs and chorizo and some tortillas. So I cooked it all up with what little rice we had left and told him he better make it last until Friday 'cuz that's pretty much all we got.

I know I complain a lot about him as it is, but this is getting absolutely ridiculous. I'm seriously about to pop one of his Seroquel and check out for about a month. This ish is getting way too stressful, -way- too quickly. I don't sleep well anymore at all. I'm up all night, worrying about oh, idk, everything, and when I do manage to make myself go to sleep, it's hard 'cuz my back hurts so bad all the time so I can never get comfortable enough to sleep well.

I don't know what to do anymore. I can't leave 'cuz I have nowhere to go & I kinda owe it to him to be a decent girlfriend & I don't wanna put my kid through another break up (she's already asked me several times if she can see my ex & his son sometimes 'cuz she misses them), but if something doesn't change quickly, I sure as hell can't stay, either. This suuuuucks.