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Thread: Pike Plays Literally Every Game on Her Steam List (Current Game: Blood Bowl)

  1. #16
    (charm)anders was right Pike's Avatar
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    Age of Empires II
    Real Time Strategy
    Steam Link

    Ah yes. Age of Empires II. We all played this, right? ...right?

    Okay. You played this if you were a strategy nerd a la Civ and StarCraft. Turns out I was, so of course I played this back in the day.

    Supposedly this is an HD edition of it, although I can't tell much of a difference. That's okay because NOSTALGIA.


    Look at that image. You know what that makes me want to do? It makes me want to


    That's what.

    Okay let's get a game started, I'm picking random because that's how I roll as a grognard and AWWWW YEAH I'M THE AZTECS


    It soon becomes clear that I haven't played this game in forever, because I suck, as can be seen by the score counter on the right side of the screen.


    The Persians and Mongols (filthy dumb foreign scum) quickly decide that sending in horses one by one is the WAY TO VICTORY, unfortunately for them I have Eagle Warriors


    I spend the next 70 minutes gathering resources, upgrading, falling further and further behind my opponents , and building a derpy wall.


    Which the Persians proceeded to smash right through and then it was game over for Pike.


    final game military score smurfIN LOL


    And that, my friends, is the story of Pike Plays AoE II HD.

    THE VERDICT:

    • GREAT STUFF
    • PLAY IT WHILST DRUNK
    • NOSTALGIA
    • MULTIPLAYER
    • Worth full price if you remember this from back in the day, otherwise wait for a sale
    • CLASSIC RTS one of the best of all time
    • It's like Civ if Civ was an RTS instead of a TBS/4X
    • You should probably buy it

  2. #17
    Crazy Scot. Cid's Knight Shauna's Avatar
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    I have successfully completed the tutorial mode of AoEII.

    I also played it multiplayer with Matt and a friend, as my first experience with the game, before I did any tutorials. The two of them played it when they were younger, so knew what was up. I was all "Ooh, I managed to get two people to collect wood!" and "I upgraded to the second age!", while they were going on about collecting relics and killing each other. Needless to say, I didn't win at any point over the course of our 4/5 games.

  3. #18
    (charm)anders was right Pike's Avatar
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    Now that I remembered how to actually play AoE II, I did a second game and did considerably better.

    The Mayans got wrecked:

    aoe second try 1.jpg

    aoe second try 2.jpg

    And then I sent the Goths back to Hot Topic:

    aoe second try 3.jpg

    And won:

    aoe second try 4.jpg


  4. #19
    Mold Anus Old Manus's Avatar
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    >war wagons
    >light cavalry

    stay pleb

  5. #20
    (charm)anders was right Pike's Avatar
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    yo they were hussars

    and kill 'em quick and early before you've finished upgrading, is what I always say

  6. #21
    Newbie Administrator Loony BoB's Avatar
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    This is a fantastic idea for a thread and thanks to this post, I am officially subscribing to it. Keep them coming!

    I used to play AoE with my cousin and a few friends when they would gather all these PCs and put them in one room on a table so we couldn't see each others screens and then we would just hear sniggering every now and then and otherwise spend time lolling and betraying each other to much dismay and it was amazing.
    Bow before the mighty Javoo!

  7. #22
    Mold Anus Old Manus's Avatar
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    I remember back in the day we used to have EoFF AoE2 games. We (I) ended up in arguments over whether building a wonder is scrub or not (protip: it is).

  8. #23
    (charm)anders was right Pike's Avatar
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    Dancing Chocobo

    Airline Tycoon II
    Simulation/Management/Economy
    Steam Link

    Things started out bad when I had to sign up some sort of account with my email in order to play the damn game. Honestly, were it not for this thread and my resolve to play every game I own, I probably wouldn't have bothered with it.

    Then things promptly got worse when I saw the horrifying graphics, which primarily revolved around various stereotypes lovingly rendered by the original PlayStation or something.

    airport 1.jpg

    I opted to go with Buttchin, because he appeared to be the least offensive option.

    He also has a whole backstory where he is Citizen Kane or something.

    airport 2.jpg

    And apparently his phone is the Eye of Sauron.

    airport 3.jpg

    I proceeded to pay a visit to Albert Einstein. This is where I made the rather horrifying realization that nobody in this world has a neck.

    airport 4.jpg

    Anyways, here you can mess with all the parts of your airplane, Kerbal Space Program style.

    You can also customize the interior, which begins by looking like a submarine manned by this rather flamboyant fellow.

    airport 5.jpg

    After this you get to customize the livery of your plane. You can pick from any color of the rainbow (the best part), and then add ridiculous logos like biohazard signs if you want because why not.

    airport 6.jpg

    Ultimately I went for a nice teal color with green trim, which makes it look like the official plane for the Seattle Seahawks or something.

    airport 7.jpg

    At this point I have to go talk to the manager of the airport, who I guess is actually Don Corleone. The Don lets me set up a route so now my airplane can go from Hamburg to Heathrow and back (this game is made by the Germans if you haven't figured that out)

    airport 8.jpg

    Finally things start to get interesting. I can set up a schedule for my plane, so it can depart Heathrow at 9am, sit around in Germany for maintenance, and then head on back in the afternoon. So what can you do inbetween flights?

    WATCH YOUR PLANE FLY THROUGH THE SKY

    JUST LOOK AT THESE SICK GRAPHICS

    airport 10.jpg

    Alternatively you can walk around the airport. One perk of being a 1%er: I can stroll in and out of security whenever I want to:

    airport 9.jpg

    Or you can go chat with the Don again

    airport 11.jpg

    At this point the tutorial finished and it kicked me out into the real game, which I guess is the exact same thing except that a.) you have to start from scratch and b.) you're competing against other 1%ers. I decided I didn't feel like making my fancy airplanes and routes all over again so I called it good for now.

    Honestly considering that this has like a 90% "negative" score on Steam it was considerably more fun than what I was expecting. It's ridiculous and absurd, but I could actually see myself playing this for a few hours if I feel like being grognardy with things like load factors and buying airplane components.

    THE VERDICT

    • Incredibly ridiculous
    • German
    • Surprisingly spreadsheety
    • Not really sure who the audience is?
    • I think it's too dense for most gamers but not "serious" enough for sim fans
    • Maybe pick it up in a Humble Bundle
    • ~stereotypes~

  9. #24
    Sh♥tposter Extraordinaire Jinx's Avatar
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    Of course it's German. I knew that when you said no one had necks.
    mfw you post

  10. #25
    *permanent smite* Spuuky's Avatar
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    Ugh, this would be really hard for me to do, I've ended up with so many random/awful games from bundles and giveaways.

  11. #26
    Crazy Scot. Cid's Knight Shauna's Avatar
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    I saw you boot this up earlier and was not expecting such, well, positive comments. I was sure this was gonna be a stinker. But, hey, as long as you got a little bit of joy out of it!

  12. #27
    ORANGE Dr Unne's Avatar
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    I bought 10,000,000 after seeing this, and it's really fun.

  13. #28
    (charm)anders was right Pike's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dr Unne View Post
    I bought 10,000,000 after seeing this, and it's really fun.
    It is surprisingly fun!

    Quote Originally Posted by Spuuky View Post
    Ugh, this would be really hard for me to do, I've ended up with so many random/awful games from bundles and giveaways.
    Same, but a sacrifice must be made so I can warn others about what to avoid.

  14. #29
    Newbie Administrator Loony BoB's Avatar
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    Takin' one for the team in the name of our own entertainment. I am enjoying this thread. It's like browsing a summarised version of IGN with considerably more funny involved.
    Bow before the mighty Javoo!

  15. #30
    *permanent smite* Spuuky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pike View Post
    Same, but a sacrifice must be made so I can warn others about what to avoid.
    Alright, if you make it through your entire list somehow, I will consider playing every game in my Steam Collection that you don't own and adding them. I have about 300 games, although probably many/most of them overlap.

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