I didn't have any ideas for this speech, so I just googled Techy. I eventually stumbled upon a video of a guy doing tricks on a finger skateboard, also known as Tech Decks.
Look at that sick grind!
So I decided that we'd look at this award from a
skateboarding angle. You know, just to switch things up a bit.
First we have
Rantzien, in traditional viking skateboarder
garb.

The axe and shield were necessary, as viking skateboard competitions allowed the beheading of the opposition. What a bloodthirsty sport! The vikings were the first to think about wearing helmets though.
Next is
crono_logical. I dunno what he looks like, but I imagine a little something like
this.

He has inbuilt safety gear because
one time 
he fell off while trying to pull a Japan Air and injured himself. Having safety gear grafted into his body was the only
logical 
thing to do.
o_O wasn't available for a photo op so I got a different kind of
bird.

While not a kiwi, this bird still shows that feathered folk can skate with the best of them. Of course kiwis don't have wings that work, so there's no advantage gained there. Just for show, really.
Marshall Banana is female and apparently there is only one girl skater on the
internet.

I guess she must be like the female Tony Hawk or something. Tanya Hawk. Seriously, so many pictures of her. I'm sure the headphones really help when she's trying to acid drop from heaven. I had no jokes there I'm really sorry for that.
So which of these four is the best skater? I don't think we'll ever find out, but we can see whose fingers are the best (at tech stuff, not finger skateboards. Or anything else you disgusting creeps!).