EoFF News Headlines

[Shorty]

"Raistl</span>in sets new record by arguing for 72 hours straight; lynched by angry mob."



readyyy GO

[Formalhaut]

Chris wins a food binging competition and wins the top prize! Which is more food!


Interviewer: So Reno, do you have anything to say over your stunning 99 monay bread feast?

Reno: Mwmmhfhb - chomp.

Interviewer: Why, thank you Reno! Back to the studio!

[The Summoner of Leviathan]

"This just in Formy killed a man with kindness. For more information regarding this shocking revelation and just how he did it turn to page 2A."

[Formalhaut]

"This just in Formy killed a man with kindness. For more information regarding this shocking revelation and just how he did it turn to page 2A."

"I am just hearing reports of what eyewitnesses are calling a gigantic sea beast, which has just completely devastated the entire city of San Francisco. According to video which we cannot independently verify, at approximately 3:00pm British Time, a strange man was seen on the back of this sea monster, chanting what appears to be it's name, Levvy. Now in the studio with me now is a historian who specialises in myths and legends. Dr.Fitzgerald, welcome to the show, and ur.. well. Just what is this monster?"

"Well Jordan, based on pictures of the monster it has all the features of a Leviathan, a powerful sea monster that is said to be the lord of the waves. As for it's summoner, it is hard to say who he is, though given this Leviathan still has a Secret Santa tag on him in the photographs, I would fathom to guess that it was given to him as a gift. Still, the reports are very early of course."

"Of course, and this is a developing news story, and if you've just joined us..."

[Quindiana Jones]

"There has been an outbreak of TB in the forums. Symptoms include hot flushes, embarrassed stammering, and excessive talk of breasts."

[Rantz]

Loony BoB found in closet arguing with a sock puppet about whether its colour is turquoise or teal

Lockharted made Editor - Wrote this headline while peeing herself with excitement!

[Shorty]

As for it's summoner, it is hard to say who he is, though given this Leviathan still has a Secret Santa tag on him in the photographs, I would fathom to guess that it was given to him as a gift.

WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING

[Formalhaut]

Loony BoB found in closet

/thread.

[Raistlin]

"Shorty breaks passenger's ear drums when another driver cut her off."

"Wolf Kanno crushes the soul of another FFXIII fan."

"Breaking news: a General Chat thread was made that was not about food."

"Raistl</span>in sets new record by arguing for 72 hours straight; lynched by angry mob."

I'm pretty sure Shlup and I already accomplished that in 2005. I don't have the energy to go at it for that long anymore, despite Shlup's complaints about her needs; I'd need a prescription for some little blue pills.

[The Summoner of Leviathan]

As for it's summoner, it is hard to say who he is, though given this Leviathan still has a Secret Santa tag on him in the photographs, I would fathom to guess that it was given to him as a gift.

WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING

A wonderful person.

[Shorty]

[Faris]

Levian and Chuch hook up. Pull out and additional photos inside.

[chionos]

Europe's most notorious peeping tom caught with his pants down!

^15/4/2028 - Daniel Cities, a.k.a. Loony BoB, a.k.a. petmaichocomeat3487, was nabbed by police outside a neighbor's home late Saturday evening. Said Cities, "I was just scratching an itch!" Mr. Cities has been connected with a string of crimes stretching from San Francisco to Edinburgh to Tokyo.

Witnesses report a man with pale spindly legs in an anatomically correct latex chocobo suit (chocobo's the weird bird thing from the once-popular Final Fantasy series). Cities is connected to over 70,000 sex-crimes worldwide, including sexual assault and bestiality in Tokyo when he attempted to mount SuperSquareEnixUnlimited Co.'s genetically engineered Chocobo, Hiroguchi. Other charges include Frotteurism, Public Urination, and Indecent Exposure.

Inspector Paul Braggadocio, who was first assigned to the Peeping Chocobo case nearly 20 years ago, spoke to reporters.

Mr. Cities is finally behind bars where he belongs. I only regret that he slipped through my grasp the first time. But I stuck with it because I'm awesome, and I took him down. We were just waiting for the right moment. We've been watching his movements for months, and this is the first time he left the house in the suit. I hope you can all see how great I am for taking care of this menace. I'm humbled by the amount of awesome I am, and I want you to know how very appreciative I am of you plebites being so far below me in intelligence and wit that it looks easy when I do what I do. I want to thank all the victims for taking one for the team as it were. I couldn't have been this amazing without your collective failures. I mean really. How do you not catch a man in a fat yellow bird suit? Just push him over and wait for the police to arrive. But again, thank you, and you're smurfing welcome.

Mr. Cities is being held under 24-hour suicide watch with bail set at 34 billion euros.

This just in, Del Murder murdered by Dell employee during initial court proceedings of popular Dell vs. Del Murder case. Police are not releasing details, but The Izon Interrogator spoke to an anonymous source inside the court room who said the employee was seen talking to Mr. Murder's wife, now widow, before the proceedings began.

Years later:

Mrs. Murder née Miriel, speaking to Oprah 2.0. "Yeah Oprah, I had that mothersmurfer killed. You hear "Enforce her? I barely knew her!" one too many times and you just snap.

[Clo]

Clo and Cuch Raze Entire Country to the Ground

Bath Salts May Be Involved in Recent Loss of Canada

[Citizen Bleys]

I beat you to this by over ten years

It's no coincidence that Mafia is played here.