1. Men are NOT mind readers.

--AND--

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
TRUE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
But boys also need it down to duce. Therefore, it's more appropriate for it to be down. Not that it has to be down; it's called being considerate. And if you want me to cook dinner for you [read: my husband], you should want me not to have to touch the toilet seat because next time I have to I will not feel inclined to be so considerate as to wash my hands.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

--AND--
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
My husband doesn't watch sports. v(^_^)

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
Any girl who thinks shopping is a sport is... dumb. But shopping IS fun so suck it!

1. Crying is blackmail.
...And?

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
True. It's just the way male brains are wired.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
Then if you haven't changed my mind after seven days you forfiet your position and I officially win the argument.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
Ew.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
The person who wrote this obviously hasn't talked to many females. A large percentage of thin females think their fat. G'job feeding the monster!

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one
True.

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
That's true for anyone. Especially my husband; he's always asking me to do something and then telling me how to do it.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Also true for anyone. Interrupt Grey's Anatomy and DIE!

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
When was the last time Christopher Columbus got laid? I don't think there were any women even on that boat.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
Just as long as you don't sniff it.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.
Seriously! Just freaking ask again, lazy asshole!