I tried to go all the way with a streetpole when drunk once but it didn't like that idea much and beat me up.

Jack Daniels, you often lie to me about just how hot that girl at the bar really is. One of these days we're going to both get into more trouble then we know what to do with

I hate people who get all mighty and self-righteous about how people who get drunk or do drugs are less worthy of a person