Final Fantasy VII Troll Competition - Final Round!

Do you dare claim FFVII is not the best video game ever? Then this competition is for you!

Here's how it will work. First we will have sign ups. I'll take up to 10 people but we can roll with less than that. Sign up will last 2 days. After that we will have various rounds. The rounds will consist of scenarios that you will have to react to in your best trollish form. The rounds will get progressively more involving as the competition goes on. After each round the members will vote on who was the best troll and the person or people with the least amount of votes will be kicked out.

Be creative! And try not to piss too many people off.

Sign ups:
1. Flying Mullet
2. Heath
3. Wolf Kanno - eliminated
4. Jessweeee♪ - eliminated
5. Momiji
6. Bahamut2000X - eliminated
7. Jiro - withdrawn
8. arcanedude34 - withdrawn
9. Vermachtnis - eliminated
10. Rase - eliminated

Me! Me! Me!

Screw this.

And sign me up.

I doubt I would be able to beat Momiji or Kishi but I guess you can sign me up. Just promise me you will make this kind of competition when Eyes on Play FFX comes around :D

Hahaha, you guys. Sign me up.

Oh dear god yes

I'm in.

I could never do this. Something like "defend the Cloud/Aeris relationship" would pop up, and I'd be done for.

I've been looking for a meaningful way to show off my distaste of something. Count me in!

What if this is just some elaborate scheme for Del to troll you? :Eek:

Go Jessweeee! :D

Hell, I'll give it my best shot.

I'd sign up for this but I know I'd be too lazy to participate continually. Good luck to everyone involved though :monster:

Wait, are we arguing pro- or anti-FFVII? Either way, sure, sign me up. ^_^

EDIT: And let me make this perfectly clear: I love Final Fantasy VII, probably in my top 5 FFs. But I've always been good at seeing both sides of an argument, so I'll give it a shot. Hopefully I won't be the first one voted off. Heh... heh...

HAHAHAHAHAHA

I wanna play!

I'll give this a whirl. Gives me an excuse to be a douchebag. :)

Registration is closed. I'll post up round one shortly.

Awesome, I just had an argument with my friend (kinda) and need to vent. This works for me. : D

Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!! which do u think is best? tifa or aerizzzZ? breast over brain yeah! omgz rolf. And i absolutely love the One winged angel song! omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

and sephiroth is teh sexxorz :love:

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Edit: i dont care for signups, im venting now!

Well, round 1 was basically going to be reply to a simple FFVII fanboyish post. I was going to make it up myself but I'll let squiike do my work for me! So contestants, please reply to the following post using all your troll skills. Reply in this thread and make sure you quote the post so that I know it's your entry. I'll give you all two days, perhaps longer if I don't get many replies.

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Originally Posted by squiike

Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!! which do u think is best? tifa or aerizzzZ? breast over brain yeah! omgz rolf. And i absolutely love the One winged angel song! omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

and sephiroth is teh sexxorz :love:

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by squiike

Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!! which do u think is best? tifa or aerizzzZ? breast over brain yeah! omgz rolf. And i absolutely love the One winged angel song! omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

and sephiroth is teh sexxorz :love:

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Such an intelligent post requires a thorough and specialized breakdown of its components in order to answer to the best of my ability and to make sure that each question is answered to a satisfactory level. Let us begin:

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Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!

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I am not quite sure what BraestssS are. Though if I were to take an educated guess, I would think you were referring to, in your overly enthusiastic manner, Brest, the seaport in France that served as a submarine dock for Germany in WWII, or you meant Breast as in the feminine anaotomy. Since I feel its obvious that you cannot be referring to the first definition, I will assume its the second since you have apparently come of age and realized what that "skin stick" in your trousers is for.

In the case of this second defintion, I would hope she would have breasts unless there was a breast cancer subplot I didn't know about cause its only revealed in the Ultimania Alpha Omega 2nd edition. They release so many its hard to keep track of sometimes.

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11one11!!!

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Actually I would hope she has two breasts unless you mean breast in the plural sense. Then again, I could be missing that wonderful rewrite in the Compilation Ultimaina. :roll2

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which do u think is best?

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Seriously? My options are limited, the right breast or the left... She always looked anatomically correct in some pictures but I guess with your obvious study upon her pictures, you may notice that one is slightly bigger. To humor you, I will say the left one is definetly superior.

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tifa or aerizzzZ?

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Oh, you meant who was the best between these two... I guess I'll choose the one that is still alive since its obvious my chances of getting with this fictional character is better if she is alive. Course Necrophilia might be popular in your junior high.

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breast over brain yeah!

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Obviously this is a rhetorical question, seeing as how Aerith decided to go off alone to use Holy and got herself killed. I feel its obvious she isn't the smart one. Of course, Tifa kept world shattering secrets from Cloud, cause obviously the longer you wait to tell him the less likely he'll think he's nuts. Right...?

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And i absolutely love the One winged angel song! omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

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Seeing as it translates to "I'm angry and my name is Sephiroth" I can see why it had to be cleverly disguised in another language so the teenage angst was not overly apparent. I can understand how someone of your striking intellect could understand the true depth and prose of the lyrics and musical score and even relate to its character defining lyrics despite not knowing what they are singing. Truly, VII fans are gods among men.

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and sephiroth is teh sexxorz :love:

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I must say I am terribly excited about the prospect that this game may lead you to making a life choice that could possibly lead you to never breeding. Don't worry about not having any progeny as you will be reincarnated through the Lifestream or something like that so you are eternal.

Regretfully though, I need to inform you that your future prospects with Sephiroth are not likely. First, he's not real but that doesn't necessarily mean you can't print pictures of him and have your way with them. Instead, the other issue is that Sephiroth only loves his mother. Deeply, its obvious from the game canon that Sephiroth has no interest in woman, how else can you explain his ability to not be memorized by Tifa's breast. I mean look at them...

Please keep both hands on the keyboard as you read this! Anyway...
Jenova will be the only woman for Sephiroth, course it seems obvious he does like things that have Jenova in them so feel comfort in knowing that it is still likely that your 500 page manifesto on Cloud/Sephiroth/Zack slash flick is still canoncial as both Cloud and Zack have Jenova cells in them and thus explains his rather unhealthy obsession with them and all the wonderful sexual tension they have in the scenes with each other.

Thank you for bringing your wonderful enlightenment to our forums.

Wow, setting the bar high...

My turn. It's gonna be hard to surpass what Wolf Kanno did.

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Originally Posted by squiike

Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!! which do u think is best? tifa or aerizzzZ? breast over brain yeah! omgz rolf. And i absolutely love the One winged angel song! omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

and sephiroth is teh sexxorz :love:

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'Scuse me, did you actually think when you typed that or were you too busy fapping to the impaled flower girl to type legibly? I know that it takes practice to type with one hand, but it can be done. And what now-- why do people find Tifa's large breasts to be so appealing? Don't you have any sympathy to the fact that those things probably kill her back, you chauvinistic bastard? I'm surprised she doesn't use them as weapons, they look so heavy. And yet here you are, goggling at them like she's some sort of object. Pig. You remind me of a certain guy who claims to be in love with Chun-Li. Do you want to be like him? Do you? DO YOU?

On that note, have you ever noticed that the polygons for Tifa's boobs and ass take up pretty much all of her body? Square was definitely trying to accomodate to the fantasies of 13-year old boys in all of their sexual tension. Yes, I'm very sure that many an adolescent discovered masturbation when they played FFVII. Enjoy it, kid. It's all the action you're ever gonna get if all you care about is the T&A.

And then we have Aeris. She totally appeals to two crowds: the guys with a penchant for cute, kindhearted girls, and guys with guro fetishes. That's right, while you were bawling over her dying, some guy was out there getting off to her. I hope that makes you feel worse about it. Now, I know you're thinking 'This guy are sick', but let me tell you, once the excitement of fapping to Tifa goes away, you'll develop other interests. You'll become curious. You'll explore new types of sexual gratification and deviation. Mark my words, one day you will become as disgusting and twisted as that guy who are sick, and and you, yes YOU, will be getting off to Aeris' death too.

As for who is better? Neither. They both suck. You'll realize that too by the time you get Yuffie and develop a desire for jailbait. That or when you get Red XIII and realize you've been a furry all along. Or maybe... Cait Sith? Now, I don't know or want to know what you do behind closed doors, but I worry that many sexual deviations stem from the garbage that is Final Fantasy VII. It turns boys not into men, but disgusting pigs who will eventually become /b/tards. You laugh now, but just you wait. The prophesy will fulfill itself when you find yourself making a thread titled 'sup /b/ look what I fapped to' with a picture of Aeris guro hentai.

Oh? You like One Winged Angel? Join the rest of the Narutards who make AMVs to that song with scenes from that :bou::bou::bou::bou:sux animu and post it on YouTube so you can be trolled by the perpetually retarded populace. Gonna join a Final Fantasy forum or other site with some stupid variation of the title too, like 1_wingd_angle or something? Does the song make you feel dark and mysterious and full of fury? Don't worry, you'll discover Linkin Park and Slipknot soon enough. They at least sing in English, so you don't have to look like a douche when you post Latin lyrics in your signature when you have no idea what they mean.

Are you sure Sephiroth is 'teh sexxorz'? Do you know how many yaoi doujinshi manga he's been in? Do you know how many times he's taken it in the butt from Cloud, Barret, Vincent, or any other male character in the series that some fujoshi thought up in a few minutes for fanon fetishery? Or is it that you want to be like the the autistic savant of magic and swordplay with serious mommy issues? Go ahead and cosplay like him so we can all laugh. You may think you may look like a badass, but what I see...
http://images.encyclopediadramatica....cSephiroth.jpg

So go ahead, worship this garbage game. Talk to me when you want to play something good. Until then, I wish you would just go off yourself by means of slitting both of your wrists like you'll just do in 10 years anyway, when you realize you'll go nowhere in life... but unfortunately, that takes two hands, and since you seem to always be busy with one of them, stroking your Masamune-- or paring knife-- I'd suggest autoerotic asphyxiation. What a way to go.

*adjusts glasses and walks away*

EDIT: None of this post was aimed at squiike in any way. Please do not take offense! :kaobeg:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by squiike

Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!! which do u think is best? tifa or aerizzzZ? breast over brain yeah! omgz rolf. And i absolutely love the One winged angel song! omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

and sephiroth is teh sexxorz :love:

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Tifa or Aeris? Hmmm...well on one hand, all Tifa has going for her is her bewbage. She has zero personality and her limit sucks, which is pretty bad seeing as that's the only thing that makes characters unique in this game. Really she's just an example of just how sexist Square can be. As for Aeris, WTF did she even die for? She just ran off all of the sudden to get Holy or something, dies, and they don't even use it. And she has shoulder pads. Shoulder pads. Or else they're those poofy princess sleeves, but that would be even worse. So yeah, Aeris because at the very least I'm not offended by her.

One-Winged Angel is...bearable. My brother and I laughed the first time we heard it to be honest, it was just so cheesy and overly dramatic. DUN. DUN. DUN. DUN. DUN. DUN. DUN. DUN. DADADADADADADADA DADADADADADADADA. Now if you wanna hear some REAL final boss music, FFX is the way to go.

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Originally Posted by Momiji

You remind me of a certain [URL="http://thehealingtouch.wordpress.com/2009/02/27/the-bastard-gamer-street-fighter-iv/"]guy who claims to be in love with Chun-Li.[/URL

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Lmao, well played sir, well played.

I would disgrace the standard set in this competition if I tried xD
(I would like to respectfully withdraw, if at all possible)

First and foremost, nothing trolled and flamed here is against Squiike personally. :)
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Quote:

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Originally Posted by squiike

Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!! which do u think is best? tifa or aerizzzZ? breast over brain yeah! omgz rolf. And i absolutely love the One winged angel song! omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

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Tifa or Aeris? Ya typical fanboy response, you know there's other females in the game other then those 2. Hell their not even good choices, Tifa is nothing more then the large boobed eye candy of the game who is basically Laura Croft in Asian form, stripped of any and all personality. Aeris is your atypical girly-girl in a dress "Oh I must save the Earth and be all about love and peace" she's an effing hippy! We all know where love and peace gets you in a fighting game...

http://i242.photobucket.com/albums/f..._and_Aeris.jpg

So if your into doing dead hippy girls, by all means go ahead. And about Tifa, rather then waste time drooling over a fake 3-d polygon with boobs, why don't you just go out to some party and meet REAL women with REAL breasts? OH wait, that might not be possible for you cause of this...

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and sephiroth is teh sexxorz

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Clearly your gay. I mean seriously, your oogling over a dude! Granted a very girly looking dude, but a dude none the less! And he's emo for crying out loud!

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u...t/emosephy.jpg

Let's not forget he's sword is clearly compensation issues. In fact I bet is Sephiroth had a larger girth, we wouldn't be talking about how terrible a villain he is now, and be oogling over the other better villains in the game. Don't even get me started on how he's a momma's boy. He spends the whole game crying and looking for his mama. Of all 12 lines Sephiroth utters in the game, at least 95% includes talks on his mom. And you know WHY he's obsessed with his mom? Ever fight her final form? You know with all those tentacles? :yamete: Ya, dude is one sick mofo. Of course this solidifies my belief that he's just an inbred lesbian chick in disguise. I mean no dude would be into tentacle rape, but if it were a chick pretending to be a man, well that explains everything. Though that leaves the fact that she's a very manly looking dude. Ergo your still gay for loving a manly looking chick.

And lastly, One Winged Angel? Come on, terrible song, seriously now. In Sephiroth's final form he CLEARLY has 7 wings. How can he be called a ONE winged angel when he has SEVEN of them is clearly beyond me. Beyond the idiocy of the name, is all the ooohs and aaahhs it gets for having some latin in it. You know what else has latin in it? A medical text book, and you don't see people about spasm over hearing latin in there!

There is no way I can beat Wolfie or Momiji. Those was too funny, but here's my shot anyway.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by squiike

Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!! which do u think is best? tifa or aerizzzZ? breast over brain yeah! omgz rolf. And i absolutely love the One winged angel song! omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

and sephiroth is teh sexxorz :love:

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Edit: i dont care for signups, im venting now!

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You owe me $273, a dollar for every braincell you broke trying to read that garbled mess of a post. Yes, Tifa does indeed have big breasts. But that's the only part of her that's well endowed. Poor Aeris doesn't even have that going for her. All she's got is her stick. If you know what I mean, which you probably don't.

As for your question, my answer is Jesse. Obviously the best girl in the game. She had a chance for some character development that had nothing to do with Cloud or Nibleheim or Zack or SOLDIER. The writers saw this and decide to squeeze her innards out like toothpaste two hours into the game. And it went downhill from there and sadly this game is a lot, lot, loooooot longer than two hours.

I don't know about your human anatomy, but my brain is located above my breast. But of course your major thinking area is located a bit south isn't it?

One Wing Angel is cool because it's in a different language you can't understand? It's in Latin and Latin is a class taken by nerds. Therefor that song is not cool. Just because something is foreign does not automatically make it cool. That's what's wrong with the american youth nowadays. Outsourcing there cartoons to Asia and the like. What with there big eyes and little mouths and their desus. Saying words they don't know. Watching in subtitles because they claim they have more feeling when they don't even know! Idiots!

No Sephiroth is not sexy. It has long gray hair and a black trench coat. It's dark and broading because it is actually a flat chested woman with a deep voice. And that is so not sexy. And the reason her sword is so long isn't because he's compensating, no it's for the same reason Aeris had a stick with her at all times. Yea, that's right, She likes it when it hurts!

And of course you're not going to follow the rules and do your own thing. You like Final Fantasy VII, your edgey! OOooooooh!

* * *

DISCLAIMER: I mean no offense to you Squii or you nerdy kids who took Latin. It was all for fun. But I meant every word about subtitle watchers!

You don't have to beat everyone to move on. 6 of 10 will probably move on to round 2.

You guys aren't trying hard enough.

I could probably have some fun of my own picking out the amazing number of spelling errors from these entries. :p

Like everyone else, I must say that have nothing against squiike, I merely do what the contest overlords tell me to do.

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Originally Posted by squiike

Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!! which do u think is best? tifa or aerizzzZ? breast over brain yeah! omgz rolf. And i absolutely love the One winged angel song! omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

and sephiroth is teh sexxorz :love:

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*long pause* Where the HELL do I begin?

First off, let me congratulate you on managing to type out an opinion piece as exquisite as the one that you've presented DESPITE your obvious mental retardation and lack of any grasp of this, or any, language. You truly are an inspiration for the mentally impaired everywhere. Have you ever considered participating in the Special Olympics?

Now that I'm finished mocking your stupidity (for the moment) I'll move on to mocking your 'post,' as it were. Now, I'm not one to nitpick minor spelling or grammatical errors (who the hell am I kidding, yes I am) but your post is horrible to the point of incomprehensibility. Were you high when you wrote it, or just too busy 'polishing your Buster Sword,' if ya know what I mean? I'm thinking it was a combination of the two. It is that bad.

You realize that for acronyms (probably gonna need to explain... a word or short phrase in which every letter stands for another word, such as your 'Omg') are written in capital letters when used properly and have each letter separated with a period? So it wouldn't y 'Omg,' it'd be 'O.M.G.' I feel that since your wit is sharp enough to cut warm butter, another example will be necessary. If I wanted to say 'F***ing immature nerds and losers fap away normally to Asian, sh*tty yaoi for amusement, never becoming optimal youths socially,' I'd end up with F.I.N.A.L. F.A.N.T.A.S.Y. F.A.N.B.O.Y.S.

Moving on.

Ignoring that 'braestssS' is not a word in this, or any other language, real or imaginary, your first sentence is just awful. 'Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!' Were you even looking at the keyboard, or even AWARE that you were typing?! You seemed amazed by the fact that some women are better endowed than others. It's a fact of life. And here's another fact: if you ever want to get your disgusting prepubescent hands on a pair of 'braestssS,' Id suggest that you learn that most women do not like random guys staring at and talking excessively (especially in an obsessive, almost worshiping manner) about their chest. It makes them uncomfortable, which leads to rejection, pepper spray, an uncomfortable conversation with the authorities, or any combination of the three.

I'll move on to an interesting aspect of Final Fantasy VII that I've always appreciated- some ambiguity in the love aspect of the story. One may actually say that this is an ingenious way to ensure that no fan ever gets bored with the canon material. Discussions and debates will continue for years, and with each one brings back a wave of people replaying the game due to the fond memories they unearthed while discussing. Your question actually strikes me as profound. Cloud, a wayward soul, lost in a world that does not need him, a world that scorns his very existence... except for two women.

Tifa, a soft-spoken shy childhood friend of Cloud's, who has alaways seen him as a hero, a protector. Or the playful Aerith (Aerith looks better, deal with it) in whom Cloud finds the support he's been longing for. Which would he choose? Which would be better for him? I am of the opinion that Tifa is the one Cloud is destined to be with, for the reasons of her needing him as much as he needs her. It's clear from her actions in the game that Aerith does not need Cloud, as proven by her being able to evade Shinra and the Turks for years and by her plan to save the planet without the aid of anyone.

Tifa, however, proves relentlessly that she needs Cloud in her life, such as the Nibelheim incident and her insistence that Cloud not leave her at the start of the game. (You'll forgive me for not having more examples, I haven't played the game in over a year.) Theirs would be a two-sided relationship, while Aerith simply does not need Cloud. Thank you, squiike, your question has helped me clarify to myself the role of a relationship in one's life, and caused me to learn to appreciate the one I'm in. I misjudged you, it seems, for you are obviously one of great wisdom. I wonder what your choice for the Clous/Aerith/Tifa conundrum is? Oh, you're even kind enough to share your opinion with me! And it seems you're in favor of Tifa as well! Huh, I wonder if our reasonings are the sa....me...

-_-

Mammaries.

THAT's your reason.

YOU ARE THE MOST IMMATURE, SEX-OBSESSED LITTLE PUKE ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET THAT I HAVE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE TO COME ACROSS! Damn it man, show a LITTLE respect for the fairer sex! People like you need to be circumcised once they hit puberty to prevent offending those of us who manage to keep our libido under control!

Ugh, what's the point of even continuing?! Oh yeah, the competition.

Hm, actually, I do like One-Winged Angel. Not really much I can say about that. Though the fact that you like it because it's in Latin is a little dumb. Yeah, never mind the ingenious arrangement and the sheer skill of the singers. It's the fact that the song makes even less sense to the average American teenager than the rest of the plot of the damn game. Can't say that I'm surprised.

Aaaaaand you end with what? 'and sephiroth is teh sexxorz' Mhm. The kid who was just obsessing over Tifa's chest is now saying that a shirtless man with silver hair is 'teh sexxorz.' So you're NOT just a threat to chaste women everywhere. You're just a menace to all of smurfing society! Nice. Hey EVERYONE! Lock your doors, squiike wants your virginities, or, if that isn't an option, at least the boxes they came in!

Jesus man, control yourself. It's a game, with fictional characters. There's about as much chance of you getting into Tifa's bra as you getting a 110 average throughout your high school career (or, in your case, passing ninth grade) because she ISN'T REAL! There's no 'braestssS' for you to do anything to, just ink on a paper! And even if she was real, Tifa'd KICK YOUR ASS for talking about her that way! Seriously, she beats down GODS with her fists, you think she'd take anything from you? Not likely.

Though if he was real, I'd say you stand a fair chance with Sephy.




Thank you and good night!

Even though I'm not in the contest, I'd like to express my utter contempt of and personal hatred towards squiike for making such an amazingly moronic post. All personal, man. I'll never talk to you again.

I did awfully ._.

My contribution to this thread.
Clouds Seiyuu, Takashiro Sakurai, is also known to have a lot of voice roles in Yaoi series, often as one of the leading characters.

Brings tears to my eyes. Its good to see so many people focused together to burn these topics :love:

Especially one winged angel, hehe :D

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Originally Posted by squiike

Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!!

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Sorry, I've never heard of "braestssS" so I looked them up at dictionary.com and the closest match it gave me is "breast's". But this led to another question, Tifa has big breast's what? Milk? Is she a milk thief? That is a cause for concern and alarm. What do you suggest we do about it? I also want to know how she stole said milk. Was she working with Yuffie? Where did they steal it from? How did they steal it? Who did they steal it from? We must certainly investigate this. Would you be willing to be my trusty sidekick? We'll be a crimefighting duo and I'll even let you pick the color of our costumes.

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Originally Posted by squiike

which do u think is best?

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Hmm, good question, and it really depends upon my mood. Sometimes I'm in the mood for one while other times I'm in the mood for the other. Some days I can go for both yet other days I'm not interested in either. It really depends.

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Originally Posted by squiike

tifa or aerizzzZ?

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Tifa or an Aeris that falls asleep while she's saying her name? Definitely Tifa, as I like hanging out with people when they aren't sleeping. Unless I'm ready for a nap, then I would have to pick Aeris as I know she wouldn't be bothering me or keeping me awake.

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Originally Posted by squiike

breast over brain yeah!

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Actually, no, the brain is above the breast, that's just basic human anatomy. Unless someone is doing a handstand or hanging upside down, in which case the breast is over the brain. But I agree with you that it would be cool if the breast was over the brain. A forehead booby would be tits (or tit, if you want to get technical)!

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Originally Posted by squiike

omgz rolf.

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Totally. :pinkelephant:

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Originally Posted by squiike

And i absolutely love the One winged angel song!

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The Two Winged Angel song is better. It sounds more...complete.

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Originally Posted by squiike

omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

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Spanish does sound cool when it's sung.

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Originally Posted by squiike

and sephiroth is teh sexxorz :love:

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Sorry, I'm not familiar with "sexxorz" so I turned to trusty dictionary.com again and the closest match they have is "sixosix", which means "so called because it was the 606th compound prepared in a series of tests conducted c1910 by Paul Ehrlich". There are a lot of hypothesis about whether Sephiroth is a clone, the original Sephiroth, etc..., but I'm afraid you're going to have a hard time coming up with evidence that Sephiroth is the 606th compound prepared in a series of tests conducted c1910 by Paul Ehrlich.



All the good fanboy attacking's been done so I had to take a different approach.

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Originally Posted by arcanedude34

I feel that since your wit is sharp enough to cut warm butter, another example will be necessary. If I wanted to say 'F***ing immature nerds and losers fap away normally to Asian, sh*tty yaoi for amusement, never becoming optimal youths socially,' I'd end up with F.I.N.A.L. F.A.N.T.A.S.Y. F.A.N.B.O.Y.S.

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Win.

I'll give Rase and Heath a few more hours to post something and then we'll move on to voting. I am very impressed with the submissions thus far!

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Originally Posted by Del Murder

Quote:

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Originally Posted by squiike

Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!! which do u think is best? tifa or aerizzzZ? breast over brain yeah! omgz rolf. And i absolutely love the One winged angel song! omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

and sephiroth is teh sexxorz :love:

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I don't even know where to smurfing start with this one. I think getting hold of a dictionary would be a start. Or even get a freakin' spell check for your browser would be nice. What's the betting that this guy's an Internet Explorer user and doesn't even have an add-on that can do that? :roll2

I think your post has two fundamental problems. First of all that you wrote it and second of all that you chose to post it at all. It started off badly, it trailed off in the middle and the less said about the ending the better. The language they sing in? It's called Latin. You ever heard of the Roman Empire? Probably not, because you've been sat there too long googling 'braestssS' to get an education.

As for those two harlots in this game, why don't you play some decent RPGs instead of this tripe that Squaresoft bring out every single time? Why don't you try playing some Lunar or some Streets of Rage? Then you'd see some actual character development and characters who have more of a personality than "hey look, I whine for half the game then get stabbed" or "hey look, I whine for half the game." They're both as bad as each other. When I look for characters, I look at the works of George Orwell or Haruki Murakami, not some jumped up Japanese RPG that you and all your friends at anime club love so much.

You're what's wrong with America.

Ooh, stinging last comment there. :p

Quote:

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Originally Posted by squiike

Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!! which do u think is best? tifa or aerizzzZ? breast over brain yeah! omgz rolf. And i absolutely love the One winged angel song! omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

and sephiroth is teh sexxorz :love:

---

Oh for smurf's sake, are you :bou::bou::bou::bou:ting me?! What, is there like a factory somewhere that :bou::bou::bou::bou:s you mothersmurfers out, because I swear there are more of you than the number of people in Africa with AIDS. Seriously now, I don't even know if it's worth the trouble to respond to you, let's I get smurfing assaulted by another God-forsaken paragraph of this tripe. You're just another pathetic internet wapanese who needs to stop sucking up all the precious air this world has. So you like Tifa huh? Well have fun fapping in your mother's basement to hentai of her for the rest of your life, as you'll never get anything close to that within two blocks of you. I guess you'd have better luck with Aerith, but that's only because she is so retardedly brain damaged it's be like scoring a date with Terri Schiavo. Also, I doubt you'll have to worry about picking between brains and breast, as any girl with an ounce of either would call the smurfing cops on you before you could say "gurl!!!1!!"

One Winged Angel has got the be the most overrated piece of :bou::bou::bou::bou: music in the last century, beating out the likes of "Ice Ice Baby" and "Cotton Eye Joe". Also, I specifically blame you and your like of it for the fact that there's now smurfing Latin chanting at anything that closely approximates a dramatic moment. Good smurfing lord it's getting ridiculous, and it's all thanks to you.

Finally, I can't tell why you would want to have sex with a gender confused clone who likely has a dick the size of a paper clip by the amount of compensating he does with that sword of his. I have no choice but to assume that you're bi, but to do sould would insult all of my bi friends who have a smurfing shred of dignity.

Smurf you squiike, smurf you.

------------------------------------------------------

Eh, not fantastic, but I wanted to get in before it was too late. I don't think I've ever typed that many swear words before. :p

Alright we have 9 contestants since Jiro dropped out. 6 will move on to Round 2. It's time to vote on who moves on!

Please send me your votes via pm. You may vote for up to 4 contestants and order doesn't matter. You don't have to vote for 4, but if you are a contestant you must at least vote for 2 people.

Voting ends in a couple days or whenever I get enough votes.

For reference I'll quote each of the entries in the next post.

LONG ASS POST ALERT

Wolf Kano

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Wolf Kanno

Quote:

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Originally Posted by squiike

Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!! which do u think is best? tifa or aerizzzZ? breast over brain yeah! omgz rolf. And i absolutely love the One winged angel song! omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

and sephiroth is teh sexxorz :love:

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Such an intelligent post requires a thorough and specialized breakdown of its components in order to answer to the best of my ability and to make sure that each question is answered to a satisfactory level. Let us begin:

Quote:

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Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!

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I am not quite sure what BraestssS are. Though if I were to take an educated guess, I would think you were referring to, in your overly enthusiastic manner, Brest, the seaport in France that served as a submarine dock for Germany in WWII, or you meant Breast as in the feminine anaotomy. Since I feel its obvious that you cannot be referring to the first definition, I will assume its the second since you have apparently come of age and realized what that "skin stick" in your trousers is for.

In the case of this second defintion, I would hope she would have breasts unless there was a breast cancer subplot I didn't know about cause its only revealed in the Ultimania Alpha Omega 2nd edition. They release so many its hard to keep track of sometimes.

Quote:

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11one11!!!

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Actually I would hope she has two breasts unless you mean breast in the plural sense. Then again, I could be missing that wonderful rewrite in the Compilation Ultimaina. :roll2

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which do u think is best?

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Seriously? My options are limited, the right breast or the left... She always looked anatomically correct in some pictures but I guess with your obvious study upon her pictures, you may notice that one is slightly bigger. To humor you, I will say the left one is definetly superior.

Quote:

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tifa or aerizzzZ?

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Oh, you meant who was the best between these two... I guess I'll choose the one that is still alive since its obvious my chances of getting with this fictional character is better if she is alive. Course Necrophilia might be popular in your junior high.

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breast over brain yeah!

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Obviously this is a rhetorical question, seeing as how Aerith decided to go off alone to use Holy and got herself killed. I feel its obvious she isn't the smart one. Of course, Tifa kept world shattering secrets from Cloud, cause obviously the longer you wait to tell him the less likely he'll think he's nuts. Right...?

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And i absolutely love the One winged angel song! omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

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Seeing as it translates to "I'm angry and my name is Sephiroth" I can see why it had to be cleverly disguised in another language so the teenage angst was not overly apparent. I can understand how someone of your striking intellect could understand the true depth and prose of the lyrics and musical score and even relate to its character defining lyrics despite not knowing what they are singing. Truly, VII fans are gods among men.

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and sephiroth is teh sexxorz :love:

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I must say I am terribly excited about the prospect that this game may lead you to making a life choice that could possibly lead you to never breeding. Don't worry about not having any progeny as you will be reincarnated through the Lifestream or something like that so you are eternal.

Regretfully though, I need to inform you that your future prospects with Sephiroth are not likely. First, he's not real but that doesn't necessarily mean you can't print pictures of him and have your way with them. Instead, the other issue is that Sephiroth only loves his mother. Deeply, its obvious from the game canon that Sephiroth has no interest in woman, how else can you explain his ability to not be memorized by Tifa's breast. I mean look at them...

Please keep both hands on the keyboard as you read this! Anyway...
Jenova will be the only woman for Sephiroth, course it seems obvious he does like things that have Jenova in them so feel comfort in knowing that it is still likely that your 500 page manifesto on Cloud/Sephiroth/Zack slash flick is still canoncial as both Cloud and Zack have Jenova cells in them and thus explains his rather unhealthy obsession with them and all the wonderful sexual tension they have in the scenes with each other.

Thank you for bringing your wonderful enlightenment to our forums.

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Momiji

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Originally Posted by Momiji

My turn. It's gonna be hard to surpass what Wolf Kanno did.

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Originally Posted by squiike

Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!! which do u think is best? tifa or aerizzzZ? breast over brain yeah! omgz rolf. And i absolutely love the One winged angel song! omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

and sephiroth is teh sexxorz :love:

---

'Scuse me, did you actually think when you typed that or were you too busy fapping to the impaled flower girl to type legibly? I know that it takes practice to type with one hand, but it can be done. And what now-- why do people find Tifa's large breasts to be so appealing? Don't you have any sympathy to the fact that those things probably kill her back, you chauvinistic bastard? I'm surprised she doesn't use them as weapons, they look so heavy. And yet here you are, goggling at them like she's some sort of object. Pig. You remind me of a certain guy who claims to be in love with Chun-Li. Do you want to be like him? Do you? DO YOU?

On that note, have you ever noticed that the polygons for Tifa's boobs and ass take up pretty much all of her body? Square was definitely trying to accomodate to the fantasies of 13-year old boys in all of their sexual tension. Yes, I'm very sure that many an adolescent discovered masturbation when they played FFVII. Enjoy it, kid. It's all the action you're ever gonna get if all you care about is the T&A.

And then we have Aeris. She totally appeals to two crowds: the guys with a penchant for cute, kindhearted girls, and guys with guro fetishes. That's right, while you were bawling over her dying, some guy was out there getting off to her. I hope that makes you feel worse about it. Now, I know you're thinking 'This guy are sick', but let me tell you, once the excitement of fapping to Tifa goes away, you'll develop other interests. You'll become curious. You'll explore new types of sexual gratification and deviation. Mark my words, one day you will become as disgusting and twisted as that guy who are sick, and and you, yes YOU, will be getting off to Aeris' death too.

As for who is better? Neither. They both suck. You'll realize that too by the time you get Yuffie and develop a desire for jailbait. That or when you get Red XIII and realize you've been a furry all along. Or maybe... Cait Sith? Now, I don't know or want to know what you do behind closed doors, but I worry that many sexual deviations stem from the garbage that is Final Fantasy VII. It turns boys not into men, but disgusting pigs who will eventually become /b/tards. You laugh now, but just you wait. The prophesy will fulfill itself when you find yourself making a thread titled 'sup /b/ look what I fapped to' with a picture of Aeris guro hentai.

Oh? You like One Winged Angel? Join the rest of the Narutards who make AMVs to that song with scenes from that :bou::bou::bou::bou:sux animu and post it on YouTube so you can be trolled by the perpetually retarded populace. Gonna join a Final Fantasy forum or other site with some stupid variation of the title too, like 1_wingd_angle or something? Does the song make you feel dark and mysterious and full of fury? Don't worry, you'll discover Linkin Park and Slipknot soon enough. They at least sing in English, so you don't have to look like a douche when you post Latin lyrics in your signature when you have no idea what they mean.

Are you sure Sephiroth is 'teh sexxorz'? Do you know how many yaoi doujinshi manga he's been in? Do you know how many times he's taken it in the butt from Cloud, Barret, Vincent, or any other male character in the series that some fujoshi thought up in a few minutes for fanon fetishery? Or is it that you want to be like the the autistic savant of magic and swordplay with serious mommy issues? Go ahead and cosplay like him so we can all laugh. You may think you may look like a badass, but what I see...
http://images.encyclopediadramatica....cSephiroth.jpg

So go ahead, worship this garbage game. Talk to me when you want to play something good. Until then, I wish you would just go off yourself by means of slitting both of your wrists like you'll just do in 10 years anyway, when you realize you'll go nowhere in life... but unfortunately, that takes two hands, and since you seem to always be busy with one of them, stroking your Masamune-- or paring knife-- I'd suggest autoerotic asphyxiation. What a way to go.

*adjusts glasses and walks away*

EDIT: None of this post was aimed at squiike in any way. Please do not take offense! :kaobeg:

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Jessweeee♪

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Originally Posted by Jessweeee♪

Quote:

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Originally Posted by squiike

Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!! which do u think is best? tifa or aerizzzZ? breast over brain yeah! omgz rolf. And i absolutely love the One winged angel song! omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

and sephiroth is teh sexxorz :love:

---

Tifa or Aeris? Hmmm...well on one hand, all Tifa has going for her is her bewbage. She has zero personality and her limit sucks, which is pretty bad seeing as that's the only thing that makes characters unique in this game. Really she's just an example of just how sexist Square can be. As for Aeris, WTF did she even die for? She just ran off all of the sudden to get Holy or something, dies, and they don't even use it. And she has shoulder pads. Shoulder pads. Or else they're those poofy princess sleeves, but that would be even worse. So yeah, Aeris because at the very least I'm not offended by her.

One-Winged Angel is...bearable. My brother and I laughed the first time we heard it to be honest, it was just so cheesy and overly dramatic. DUN. DUN. DUN. DUN. DUN. DUN. DUN. DUN. DADADADADADADADA DADADADADADADADA. Now if you wanna hear some REAL final boss music, FFX is the way to go.

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Bahamut2000X

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Originally Posted by Bahamut2000X

First and foremost, nothing trolled and flamed here is against Squiike personally. :)
--------------

Quote:

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Originally Posted by squiike

Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!! which do u think is best? tifa or aerizzzZ? breast over brain yeah! omgz rolf. And i absolutely love the One winged angel song! omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

---

Tifa or Aeris? Ya typical fanboy response, you know there's other females in the game other then those 2. Hell their not even good choices, Tifa is nothing more then the large boobed eye candy of the game who is basically Laura Croft in Asian form, stripped of any and all personality. Aeris is your atypical girly-girl in a dress "Oh I must save the Earth and be all about love and peace" she's an effing hippy! We all know where love and peace gets you in a fighting game...

http://i242.photobucket.com/albums/f..._and_Aeris.jpg

So if your into doing dead hippy girls, by all means go ahead. And about Tifa, rather then waste time drooling over a fake 3-d polygon with boobs, why don't you just go out to some party and meet REAL women with REAL breasts? OH wait, that might not be possible for you cause of this...

Quote:

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and sephiroth is teh sexxorz

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Clearly your gay. I mean seriously, your oogling over a dude! Granted a very girly looking dude, but a dude none the less! And he's emo for crying out loud!

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u...t/emosephy.jpg

Let's not forget he's sword is clearly compensation issues. In fact I bet is Sephiroth had a larger girth, we wouldn't be talking about how terrible a villain he is now, and be oogling over the other better villains in the game. Don't even get me started on how he's a momma's boy. He spends the whole game crying and looking for his mama. Of all 12 lines Sephiroth utters in the game, at least 95% includes talks on his mom. And you know WHY he's obsessed with his mom? Ever fight her final form? You know with all those tentacles? :yamete: Ya, dude is one sick mofo. Of course this solidifies my belief that he's just an inbred lesbian chick in disguise. I mean no dude would be into tentacle rape, but if it were a chick pretending to be a man, well that explains everything. Though that leaves the fact that she's a very manly looking dude. Ergo your still gay for loving a manly looking chick.

And lastly, One Winged Angel? Come on, terrible song, seriously now. In Sephiroth's final form he CLEARLY has 7 wings. How can he be called a ONE winged angel when he has SEVEN of them is clearly beyond me. Beyond the idiocy of the name, is all the ooohs and aaahhs it gets for having some latin in it. You know what else has latin in it? A medical text book, and you don't see people about spasm over hearing latin in there!

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Vermachtnis

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Vermachtnis

There is no way I can beat Wolfie or Momiji. Those was too funny, but here's my shot anyway.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by squiike

Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!! which do u think is best? tifa or aerizzzZ? breast over brain yeah! omgz rolf. And i absolutely love the One winged angel song! omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

and sephiroth is teh sexxorz :love:

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Edit: i dont care for signups, im venting now!

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You owe me $273, a dollar for every braincell you broke trying to read that garbled mess of a post. Yes, Tifa does indeed have big breasts. But that's the only part of her that's well endowed. Poor Aeris doesn't even have that going for her. All she's got is her stick. If you know what I mean, which you probably don't.

As for your question, my answer is Jesse. Obviously the best girl in the game. She had a chance for some character development that had nothing to do with Cloud or Nibleheim or Zack or SOLDIER. The writers saw this and decide to squeeze her innards out like toothpaste two hours into the game. And it went downhill from there and sadly this game is a lot, lot, loooooot longer than two hours.

I don't know about your human anatomy, but my brain is located above my breast. But of course your major thinking area is located a bit south isn't it?

One Wing Angel is cool because it's in a different language you can't understand? It's in Latin and Latin is a class taken by nerds. Therefor that song is not cool. Just because something is foreign does not automatically make it cool. That's what's wrong with the american youth nowadays. Outsourcing there cartoons to Asia and the like. What with there big eyes and little mouths and their desus. Saying words they don't know. Watching in subtitles because they claim they have more feeling when they don't even know! Idiots!

No Sephiroth is not sexy. It has long gray hair and a black trench coat. It's dark and broading because it is actually a flat chested woman with a deep voice. And that is so not sexy. And the reason her sword is so long isn't because he's compensating, no it's for the same reason Aeris had a stick with her at all times. Yea, that's right, She likes it when it hurts!

And of course you're not going to follow the rules and do your own thing. You like Final Fantasy VII, your edgey! OOooooooh!

* * *

DISCLAIMER: I mean no offense to you Squii or you nerdy kids who took Latin. It was all for fun. But I meant every word about subtitle watchers!

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arcanedude34

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Originally Posted by arcanedude34

Like everyone else, I must say that have nothing against squiike, I merely do what the contest overlords tell me to do.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by squiike

Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!! which do u think is best? tifa or aerizzzZ? breast over brain yeah! omgz rolf. And i absolutely love the One winged angel song! omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

and sephiroth is teh sexxorz :love:

---

*long pause* Where the HELL do I begin?

First off, let me congratulate you on managing to type out an opinion piece as exquisite as the one that you've presented DESPITE your obvious mental retardation and lack of any grasp of this, or any, language. You truly are an inspiration for the mentally impaired everywhere. Have you ever considered participating in the Special Olympics?

Now that I'm finished mocking your stupidity (for the moment) I'll move on to mocking your 'post,' as it were. Now, I'm not one to nitpick minor spelling or grammatical errors (who the hell am I kidding, yes I am) but your post is horrible to the point of incomprehensibility. Were you high when you wrote it, or just too busy 'polishing your Buster Sword,' if ya know what I mean? I'm thinking it was a combination of the two. It is that bad.

You realize that for acronyms (probably gonna need to explain... a word or short phrase in which every letter stands for another word, such as your 'Omg') are written in capital letters when used properly and have each letter separated with a period? So it wouldn't y 'Omg,' it'd be 'O.M.G.' I feel that since your wit is sharp enough to cut warm butter, another example will be necessary. If I wanted to say 'F***ing immature nerds and losers fap away normally to Asian, sh*tty yaoi for amusement, never becoming optimal youths socially,' I'd end up with F.I.N.A.L. F.A.N.T.A.S.Y. F.A.N.B.O.Y.S.

Moving on.

Ignoring that 'braestssS' is not a word in this, or any other language, real or imaginary, your first sentence is just awful. 'Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!' Were you even looking at the keyboard, or even AWARE that you were typing?! You seemed amazed by the fact that some women are better endowed than others. It's a fact of life. And here's another fact: if you ever want to get your disgusting prepubescent hands on a pair of 'braestssS,' Id suggest that you learn that most women do not like random guys staring at and talking excessively (especially in an obsessive, almost worshiping manner) about their chest. It makes them uncomfortable, which leads to rejection, pepper spray, an uncomfortable conversation with the authorities, or any combination of the three.

I'll move on to an interesting aspect of Final Fantasy VII that I've always appreciated- some ambiguity in the love aspect of the story. One may actually say that this is an ingenious way to ensure that no fan ever gets bored with the canon material. Discussions and debates will continue for years, and with each one brings back a wave of people replaying the game due to the fond memories they unearthed while discussing. Your question actually strikes me as profound. Cloud, a wayward soul, lost in a world that does not need him, a world that scorns his very existence... except for two women.

Tifa, a soft-spoken shy childhood friend of Cloud's, who has alaways seen him as a hero, a protector. Or the playful Aerith (Aerith looks better, deal with it) in whom Cloud finds the support he's been longing for. Which would he choose? Which would be better for him? I am of the opinion that Tifa is the one Cloud is destined to be with, for the reasons of her needing him as much as he needs her. It's clear from her actions in the game that Aerith does not need Cloud, as proven by her being able to evade Shinra and the Turks for years and by her plan to save the planet without the aid of anyone.

Tifa, however, proves relentlessly that she needs Cloud in her life, such as the Nibelheim incident and her insistence that Cloud not leave her at the start of the game. (You'll forgive me for not having more examples, I haven't played the game in over a year.) Theirs would be a two-sided relationship, while Aerith simply does not need Cloud. Thank you, squiike, your question has helped me clarify to myself the role of a relationship in one's life, and caused me to learn to appreciate the one I'm in. I misjudged you, it seems, for you are obviously one of great wisdom. I wonder what your choice for the Clous/Aerith/Tifa conundrum is? Oh, you're even kind enough to share your opinion with me! And it seems you're in favor of Tifa as well! Huh, I wonder if our reasonings are the sa....me...

-_-

Mammaries.

THAT's your reason.

YOU ARE THE MOST IMMATURE, SEX-OBSESSED LITTLE PUKE ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET THAT I HAVE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE TO COME ACROSS! Damn it man, show a LITTLE respect for the fairer sex! People like you need to be circumcised once they hit puberty to prevent offending those of us who manage to keep our libido under control!

Ugh, what's the point of even continuing?! Oh yeah, the competition.

Hm, actually, I do like One-Winged Angel. Not really much I can say about that. Though the fact that you like it because it's in Latin is a little dumb. Yeah, never mind the ingenious arrangement and the sheer skill of the singers. It's the fact that the song makes even less sense to the average American teenager than the rest of the plot of the damn game. Can't say that I'm surprised.

Aaaaaand you end with what? 'and sephiroth is teh sexxorz' Mhm. The kid who was just obsessing over Tifa's chest is now saying that a shirtless man with silver hair is 'teh sexxorz.' So you're NOT just a threat to chaste women everywhere. You're just a menace to all of smurfing society! Nice. Hey EVERYONE! Lock your doors, squiike wants your virginities, or, if that isn't an option, at least the boxes they came in!

Jesus man, control yourself. It's a game, with fictional characters. There's about as much chance of you getting into Tifa's bra as you getting a 110 average throughout your high school career (or, in your case, passing ninth grade) because she ISN'T REAL! There's no 'braestssS' for you to do anything to, just ink on a paper! And even if she was real, Tifa'd KICK YOUR ASS for talking about her that way! Seriously, she beats down GODS with her fists, you think she'd take anything from you? Not likely.

Though if he was real, I'd say you stand a fair chance with Sephy.




Thank you and good night!

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Flying Mullet

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Flying Mullet

Quote:

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Originally Posted by squiike

Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!!

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Sorry, I've never heard of "braestssS" so I looked them up at dictionary.com and the closest match it gave me is "breast's". But this led to another question, Tifa has big breast's what? Milk? Is she a milk thief? That is a cause for concern and alarm. What do you suggest we do about it? I also want to know how she stole said milk. Was she working with Yuffie? Where did they steal it from? How did they steal it? Who did they steal it from? We must certainly investigate this. Would you be willing to be my trusty sidekick? We'll be a crimefighting duo and I'll even let you pick the color of our costumes.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by squiike

which do u think is best?

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Hmm, good question, and it really depends upon my mood. Sometimes I'm in the mood for one while other times I'm in the mood for the other. Some days I can go for both yet other days I'm not interested in either. It really depends.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by squiike

tifa or aerizzzZ?

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Tifa or an Aeris that falls asleep while she's saying her name? Definitely Tifa, as I like hanging out with people when they aren't sleeping. Unless I'm ready for a nap, then I would have to pick Aeris as I know she wouldn't be bothering me or keeping me awake.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by squiike

breast over brain yeah!

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Actually, no, the brain is above the breast, that's just basic human anatomy. Unless someone is doing a handstand or hanging upside down, in which case the breast is over the brain. But I agree with you that it would be cool if the breast was over the brain. A forehead booby would be tits (or tit, if you want to get technical)!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by squiike

omgz rolf.

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Totally. :pinkelephant:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by squiike

And i absolutely love the One winged angel song!

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The Two Winged Angel song is better. It sounds more...complete.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by squiike

omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

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Spanish does sound cool when it's sung.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by squiike

and sephiroth is teh sexxorz :love:

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Sorry, I'm not familiar with "sexxorz" so I turned to trusty dictionary.com again and the closest match they have is "sixosix", which means "so called because it was the 606th compound prepared in a series of tests conducted c1910 by Paul Ehrlich". There are a lot of hypothesis about whether Sephiroth is a clone, the original Sephiroth, etc..., but I'm afraid you're going to have a hard time coming up with evidence that Sephiroth is the 606th compound prepared in a series of tests conducted c1910 by Paul Ehrlich.



All the good fanboy attacking's been done so I had to take a different approach.

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Heath

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Heath

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Del Murder

Quote:

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Originally Posted by squiike

Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!! which do u think is best? tifa or aerizzzZ? breast over brain yeah! omgz rolf. And i absolutely love the One winged angel song! omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

and sephiroth is teh sexxorz :love:

---

---

I don't even know where to smurfing start with this one. I think getting hold of a dictionary would be a start. Or even get a freakin' spell check for your browser would be nice. What's the betting that this guy's an Internet Explorer user and doesn't even have an add-on that can do that? :roll2

I think your post has two fundamental problems. First of all that you wrote it and second of all that you chose to post it at all. It started off badly, it trailed off in the middle and the less said about the ending the better. The language they sing in? It's called Latin. You ever heard of the Roman Empire? Probably not, because you've been sat there too long googling 'braestssS' to get an education.

As for those two harlots in this game, why don't you play some decent RPGs instead of this tripe that Squaresoft bring out every single time? Why don't you try playing some Lunar or some Streets of Rage? Then you'd see some actual character development and characters who have more of a personality than "hey look, I whine for half the game then get stabbed" or "hey look, I whine for half the game." They're both as bad as each other. When I look for characters, I look at the works of George Orwell or Haruki Murakami, not some jumped up Japanese RPG that you and all your friends at anime club love so much.

You're what's wrong with America.

---

Rase

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Rase

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by squiike

Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!! which do u think is best? tifa or aerizzzZ? breast over brain yeah! omgz rolf. And i absolutely love the One winged angel song! omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

and sephiroth is teh sexxorz :love:

---

Oh for smurf's sake, are you :bou::bou::bou::bou:ting me?! What, is there like a factory somewhere that :bou::bou::bou::bou:s you mothersmurfers out, because I swear there are more of you than the number of people in Africa with AIDS. Seriously now, I don't even know if it's worth the trouble to respond to you, let's I get smurfing assaulted by another God-forsaken paragraph of this tripe. You're just another pathetic internet wapanese who needs to stop sucking up all the precious air this world has. So you like Tifa huh? Well have fun fapping in your mother's basement to hentai of her for the rest of your life, as you'll never get anything close to that within two blocks of you. I guess you'd have better luck with Aerith, but that's only because she is so retardedly brain damaged it's be like scoring a date with Terri Schiavo. Also, I doubt you'll have to worry about picking between brains and breast, as any girl with an ounce of either would call the smurfing cops on you before you could say "gurl!!!1!!"

One Winged Angel has got the be the most overrated piece of :bou::bou::bou::bou: music in the last century, beating out the likes of "Ice Ice Baby" and "Cotton Eye Joe". Also, I specifically blame you and your like of it for the fact that there's now smurfing Latin chanting at anything that closely approximates a dramatic moment. Good smurfing lord it's getting ridiculous, and it's all thanks to you.

Finally, I can't tell why you would want to have sex with a gender confused clone who likely has a dick the size of a paper clip by the amount of compensating he does with that sword of his. I have no choice but to assume that you're bi, but to do sould would insult all of my bi friends who have a smurfing shred of dignity.

Smurf you squiike, smurf you.

------------------------------------------------------

Eh, not fantastic, but I wanted to get in before it was too late. I don't think I've ever typed that many swear words before. :p

---

I thought that trolls make statements like, "Get a life, nerdfag. FFVII sucks."

Gotta go over the top in a competition, Monda! :kaodrop:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Marshall Banana

I thought that trolls make statements like, "Get a life, nerdfag. FFVII sucks."

---

Yeah I was surprised at the length of the replies.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Del Murder

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Marshall Banana

I thought that trolls make statements like, "Get a life, nerdfag. FFVII sucks."

---

Yeah I was surprised at the length of the replies.

---

Comes to show you that we should never have them on the wrong side :p

I hope to see more irony in future rounds.

ff7 sux u dam loooooozuhrs

I would merely sigh, put my hands to my head and say: "Never Reprocreate"

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Aerith's Knight

I would merely sigh, put my hands to my head and say: "Never Reprocreate"

---

But wouldn't this imply that they have procreated before and you're okay with it?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Flying Mullet

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Aerith's Knight

I would merely sigh, put my hands to my head and say: "Never Reprocreate"

---

But wouldn't this imply that they have procreated before and you're okay with it?

---

...Yeah, again. English not my first language. xD

I suppose I meant procreate. :p

Are we allowed to vote for ourselves? Cause I totally would XD

Yes you may. That's why you must vote for at least two people.

...I totally will!

EDIT: I TOTALLY DID!!

Here they are, the round 1 results!

Wolf Kanno - 7
Momiji - 7
Flying Mullet - 4
arcanedude34 - 3
Vermachtnis - 2
Heath - 2
Jessweeee♪ - 1
Bahamut2000X - 0
Rase - 0

Congrats to Wolf Kanno, Momiji, Flying Mullet, arcanedude34, Vermachtnis, and Heath for moving on to Round 2! As for the rest, you just weren't troll enough for us!

ROUND 2

A good troll doesn't need to read actual threads to be effective. In fact, most don't. So for round 2, your task is to reply to one of the following topics without seeing any posts in the thread. Please include which topic you are replying to in your post. Only choose ONE topic to reply to.

Topics:
1. New information about the Final Fantasy VII remake
2. How to get Spheroth on Final fantasy seven?
3. How to revive Aeris

Oh, and if you didn't notice, these are actual topics that have been posted at Eyes on Final Fantasy. Don't cheat and go look for them until you make your entry!

I'll give you 6 a couple days.

I was saving my best for last :(


Also you guys better start trolling the right way or I will not be happy ;_;

Ah, a chance to be a little more creative.

I'll make my entry tomorrow. I'm tired now. :x

I have work in the morning so I will have to wait until tomorrow to troll my heart out. The first round was pretty badass so I guess I'm going to have to step up my game so I can make it to the next round.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Del Murder

3. How to revive Aeris

---

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Flying Mullet

1) Print the following portrait image and cut it out:
http://forums.eyesonff.com/images/av...ii_aerith2.jpg

2) When Yuffie joins your party, be sure to name her "Aeris". If Yuffie is already in your party and you didn't name her "Aeris", then you cannot revive her.

3) After Aeris dies, whenever Yuffie, now named "Aeris", is on-screen, put your Aeris potrait cut-out over her face and presto!, you've revived Aeris. :cool:

---

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Flying Mullet

In Final Fantasy VI, after you get the secret books in Cyan's cave in Mt. Zozo if you press the confirm button on the books 255 times each you will see a password in the description box of the items screen where it shows the descriptions for the books, "a book of tools..." or whatever. Write this password down and then go fire up FFVII. Get into battle with a character with a mastered "Revive" materia. Get into battle and kill and revive the enemies in it using Life2 (weaker enemies are easier to do this with), it doesn't matter which enemies or if it's the same one, for a combined total of 255 times (because of the large MP consumption needed, you'll need a lot of Elixirs or such, and the W-Item item duplication trick helps with this). After the battle you will find the Mythril Phoenix, which you take to the guy that collects Mythril. Give him the Mythirl Phoenix and he will ask you if you would like to use the Phoenix's power to see an old friend. Answer "Yes, I would like that" and he will ask you for the password. Enter it correctly and he will tell you that your friend is looking for you. Go to the forests by Junon where Yuffie first meets your party and you will meet Aeris in battle much the same way, except she rejoins you, similar to the way Gau does when he joins your party in FFVI.

---

(SPOILER)I wrote these in the past but I don't know if they'll count. I'm still proud of them and I had to share them. :p

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Del Murder

1. New information about the Final Fantasy VII remake

---

YAY! OMFG I bet you guys can't wait. Well hold those burstin' nutbladders for half a second. It's a hoax. I don't even have to read your posts to know that. And here's why. It's been twelve years since VII came out and that's such and ugly number to release anything to. They still need to remake V and VI on the DS, which by the way are far superior to VII. And if they remade it now, one of the Jonas Brothers would end up voicing Sephiroth. Don't get me wrong, the boy band guy they got in the first Kingdom Hearts wasn't bad, but he wasn't in the 2nd one was he?

And most importantly a remake will come as a last ditch effort to make money after years and years of horrible spin offs and movies and they have milked the money cow as hard as they could. They can keep doing this and it's all your fault! Because you keep buying :bou::bou::bou::bou: with Final Fantasy VII thrown in front of it! And I mean that literally, if they sold a pile of Red XIII excrement you would buy it! You are what's wrong with the gaming community today!

Bleh, this is kinda boring. I'm dropping out, later.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Del Murder

2. How to get Spheroth on Final fantasy seven?

---

I'm feeling nice so I'll actually tell you.

I'm guessing that you've passed the first disc and so you've missed three times to recruit Sephiroth (Junon Harbour, Rocket Town hotel and Kalm).

First of all, you'll need at least one of the 1/35 Soldiers that appear throughout the game, you'll need the replica Masamune available from Golden Saucer (and frankly if you can't manage to get this, then you don't deserve to use Sephiroth) and the Mime materia.

First of all, ensure that you're on Disc 3 and the only people in your team are Aeris and Cloud. Equip Aeris with the Mime materia. Now, at this point, you'll need to return to Midgar so go to the Bone Village and dig up the key to reenter the slums. Work your way through the slums until you find that bloke in the pipe. Press square to challenge him to a came of Tetra Master/Triple Triad (the game you get depends on whether you're playing the PAL or the NTSC version of the game). Lose this game four times, win your fifth game and lose your sixth. He'll comment on how to beat the game, your fighting ability will need to be better than your card playing abilities. Tell him, using the name entry screen, that your fighting is worse. Sometimes it takes a few times to actually challenge him, so just keep pressing square until it works. If not, then refer to a reputable site like Wikipedia to check you're doing it right.

He'll relay you some SPECIFIC COORDINATES. Now you'd normally just put these into the Highwind computer, but since the :bou::bou::bou::bou:ty developers didn't do that, you'll have to follow my instructions. Fly to Golden Saucer and fly due south-south-west for six miles. Turn 19 degrees and travel for a further sixteen miles. The game will cut away to a cut scene and Aeris will say something ridiculous. Use your mime materia to copy what she said and she'll accuse you of not taking her seriously. Out of the shadows, Sephiroth will appear and urge you to take him seriously. He'll use his powers to send you to Rocket Town seven years before. During this short interlude it's possible to recruit Shera, but I don't normally bother. There's plenty of threads on that anyway. Go into the hotel and you'll see Sephiroth there, attacking the patron. Aeris will shout about how bad it is and he'll charge at her with himself his sword. He'll stop just short and ask what he's doing wrong.

THIS NEXT BIT IS VERY IMPORTANT

Ensure that you give the following answers in this order:

"Tell that to the people of Nibelheim."
"You were my hero!"
"What do you mean?"
"Tifa's available for a quick one if you fancy"
"No one is pure evil."
"Our friendship has pulled us through"
"Face your demons"
"Join us"
"..."
and when he asks where you intend to go next on your journey, DO NOT PICK THE NORTH CRATER. This will cause the game to freeze. Instead, pick "The Honey Bee Inn."

What follows next is a bit risqué, but I think after that hard work recruiting Sephiroth, you deserve it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Del Murder

3. How to revive Aeris

---

To be perfectly honest with everyone writing this thread, I feel this a terribly inappropriate topic to be talking about in a video game forum; especially in the VII forum since this is definetly a topic more for EoEO.

How its been going on for over 30 pages is beyond me but I guess this would be a common problem for people from your generation so I guess I can offer a bit of advice for you.

Since I'm certain you are all aware that reviving Aerith (its Aerith not Aeris, at least have the decency to know about the games you obsess over correctly) is impossible. The bitch is dead and is either worm food or more likely bloated and rotting in the middle of the lake in the City of the Ancients. Of course, I'm certain you all are smart enough to understand this; so this thread obviously is about how to relieve "Wanker's Cramp" caused by Aerith(Aeris). Which is obviously the cute nickname you gave your "dirty hand".

The best ways to relieve the sore sensation of "Wanker's Cramp" is to do the following:

1) Keep your videogame time to a minimum so you don't add extra strain.
2) Rub muscle relaxant on your arms
3) Use proper exercise for forearm strength
4) Try to have your "sexy internet time" a couple of days apart to allow "Aerith" to rest. Not to mention "Little Cloud" or Little Zack" (depending on what you decide to name it) also needs some rest as well. ;)

You could also avoid all this by going outside once in awhile and finding yourself a girlfriend/boyfriend and let them worry about this. Course you are all probably doing this cause its the fun way to get "Popeye arms" so you can go that extra mile to be like your hero for life, Cloud. Yet, I feel I should warn you that "Wanker's Cramp" is a serious condition and one that shouldn't be taken lightly. May my advice help you for your future cosplay dreams. :cool:

Sorry, I had some unexpected stuff come up these past couple of days.

I'll try to get my submission in tomorrow. Is that okay, Del?

That's cool.

Okay, first of all, sorry for the delay.

Anyway...

Quote:

---

How to get Spheroth on Final fantasy seven?

---

You would want that wouldn't you? Haven't you ever tried using Google before? Are you THAT cheap that you can't just buy a GameShark? Seriously, they've gotta be selling by the nickel now...

But of course, since you seem to enjoy letting stupid comments and requests and thoughts flow from your fingers just as the allergenic misery flows from my nose, I'll answer in an equally stupid response with the REAL WAY TO GET SEPHIROTH!

First of all, to get what I THINK you wanted to say was Sephiroth, you need to follow these instructions exactly. You'll have to restart if you screw up.

1. First of all, this has to be on a first edition run of the game, from Japan. That's right, you have to take a step above the common wapanese and actually attempt to learn Japanese to play this.
2. Turn on your EcksbawksWii60Station3, and insert the disc, and close the tray.
3. Keep in mind that you MUST NOT SAVE YOUR GAME THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE PLAYTHROUGH!!!!!!!!! VERY IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!
4. Start singing 'One Winged Angel' perfectly during the opening video of the game. If you do it right, you should see Sephiroth's face instead of Aeris' face during the video.
5. During the Nibelheim flashback, you'll need to spend exactly 6 hours, 6 minutes, and 6 seconds using Sephiroth in the random encounters. No more, no less!
6. Okay, here's where it gets really tricky. When you get to the scene where Sephiroth kills Aeris, open the CD tray right as Sephiroth is about to appear. Now, insert the third disc of Final Fantasy VIII, and wait 20 minutes. As long as you don't turn off the system or press any buttons, your progress will not be erased. However, if you sing the Chocobo theme for 5 minutes straight, you do not have to wait the entire 20 minutes. Inserting the FFVIII disc is important because if you want Sephiroth in your party, you need a new villain. Doing this will make Ultimecia the final boss instead.
7. Take out the FFVIII disc and re-insert the FFVII disc-- upside down this time. Doing this will reverse the fall, as if Sephiroth never came down to begin with. Instead, Sephiroth will push Squall (who happens to appear when you insert the FFVIII disc) down and he will kill Aeris. This will naturally piss off Cloud and company, so be ready for a fight. Of course, you can't defeat Squall since he's a better character than every FFVII character combined, so you just have to lose the battle.
8. With the rest of the FFVII party dead, you will now controll Squall for the rest of the game. It's a solo run for a while, so do your best!
9. Breed 4 gold chocobos and give them these names in this order:
1. "The Game"
2. "Lost"
3. "Just"
4. "You"
10. Now, take these 4 chocobos one by one to the hidden place on the map where you find 10 Knights of the Round materia. Useless of course, since Squall uses Junctions, not Materia. Still, you must do this!
11. Now, go to Battle Square in the Gold Saucer. Play until you have enough points for Omnislash, and buy it. Be sure you collect 66 Tissues as well. (You thought those were worthless, didn't you?)
12. Now, junction Omnislash to your Gunblade, and go back into Battle Square. Survive to the end, and there you will find Sephiroth. Defeat him. Don't worry, you won't kill him.
13. When defeated, Sephiroth will start to run away.
14. You have exactly 5 seconds to name your Gold Chocobos in reverse order. Sephiroth will turn around and stab Squall for mentioning that. Since you now no longer have any playable characters, Sephiroth will tell you that you must help him defeat Ultimecia so he can be the one to destroy the Planet.

Congratulations, you now can control Sephiroth for the rest of the game. Enjoy.

On to round 2 voting! Another person has dropped out so there are 5 entries. You may vote for up to two of them. Please pm your votes. Contestants who vote must vote for two.

Entries follow:

Flying Mullet

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Flying Mullet

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Del Murder

3. How to revive Aeris

---

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Flying Mullet

1) Print the following portrait image and cut it out:
http://forums.eyesonff.com/images/av...ii_aerith2.jpg

2) When Yuffie joins your party, be sure to name her "Aeris". If Yuffie is already in your party and you didn't name her "Aeris", then you cannot revive her.

3) After Aeris dies, whenever Yuffie, now named "Aeris", is on-screen, put your Aeris potrait cut-out over her face and presto!, you've revived Aeris. :cool:

---

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Flying Mullet

In Final Fantasy VI, after you get the secret books in Cyan's cave in Mt. Zozo if you press the confirm button on the books 255 times each you will see a password in the description box of the items screen where it shows the descriptions for the books, "a book of tools..." or whatever. Write this password down and then go fire up FFVII. Get into battle with a character with a mastered "Revive" materia. Get into battle and kill and revive the enemies in it using Life2 (weaker enemies are easier to do this with), it doesn't matter which enemies or if it's the same one, for a combined total of 255 times (because of the large MP consumption needed, you'll need a lot of Elixirs or such, and the W-Item item duplication trick helps with this). After the battle you will find the Mythril Phoenix, which you take to the guy that collects Mythril. Give him the Mythirl Phoenix and he will ask you if you would like to use the Phoenix's power to see an old friend. Answer "Yes, I would like that" and he will ask you for the password. Enter it correctly and he will tell you that your friend is looking for you. Go to the forests by Junon where Yuffie first meets your party and you will meet Aeris in battle much the same way, except she rejoins you, similar to the way Gau does when he joins your party in FFVI.

---

(SPOILER)I wrote these in the past but I don't know if they'll count. I'm still proud of them and I had to share them. :p

---

Vermachtnis

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Vermachtnis

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Del Murder

1. New information about the Final Fantasy VII remake

---

YAY! OMFG I bet you guys can't wait. Well hold those burstin' nutbladders for half a second. It's a hoax. I don't even have to read your posts to know that. And here's why. It's been twelve years since VII came out and that's such and ugly number to release anything to. They still need to remake V and VI on the DS, which by the way are far superior to VII. And if they remade it now, one of the Jonas Brothers would end up voicing Sephiroth. Don't get me wrong, the boy band guy they got in the first Kingdom Hearts wasn't bad, but he wasn't in the 2nd one was he?

And most importantly a remake will come as a last ditch effort to make money after years and years of horrible spin offs and movies and they have milked the money cow as hard as they could. They can keep doing this and it's all your fault! Because you keep buying :bou::bou::bou::bou: with Final Fantasy VII thrown in front of it! And I mean that literally, if they sold a pile of Red XIII excrement you would buy it! You are what's wrong with the gaming community today!

---

Heath

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Heath

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Del Murder

2. How to get Spheroth on Final fantasy seven?

---

I'm feeling nice so I'll actually tell you.

I'm guessing that you've passed the first disc and so you've missed three times to recruit Sephiroth (Junon Harbour, Rocket Town hotel and Kalm).

First of all, you'll need at least one of the 1/35 Soldiers that appear throughout the game, you'll need the replica Masamune available from Golden Saucer (and frankly if you can't manage to get this, then you don't deserve to use Sephiroth) and the Mime materia.

First of all, ensure that you're on Disc 3 and the only people in your team are Aeris and Cloud. Equip Aeris with the Mime materia. Now, at this point, you'll need to return to Midgar so go to the Bone Village and dig up the key to reenter the slums. Work your way through the slums until you find that bloke in the pipe. Press square to challenge him to a came of Tetra Master/Triple Triad (the game you get depends on whether you're playing the PAL or the NTSC version of the game). Lose this game four times, win your fifth game and lose your sixth. He'll comment on how to beat the game, your fighting ability will need to be better than your card playing abilities. Tell him, using the name entry screen, that your fighting is worse. Sometimes it takes a few times to actually challenge him, so just keep pressing square until it works. If not, then refer to a reputable site like Wikipedia to check you're doing it right.

He'll relay you some SPECIFIC COORDINATES. Now you'd normally just put these into the Highwind computer, but since the :bou::bou::bou::bou:ty developers didn't do that, you'll have to follow my instructions. Fly to Golden Saucer and fly due south-south-west for six miles. Turn 19 degrees and travel for a further sixteen miles. The game will cut away to a cut scene and Aeris will say something ridiculous. Use your mime materia to copy what she said and she'll accuse you of not taking her seriously. Out of the shadows, Sephiroth will appear and urge you to take him seriously. He'll use his powers to send you to Rocket Town seven years before. During this short interlude it's possible to recruit Shera, but I don't normally bother. There's plenty of threads on that anyway. Go into the hotel and you'll see Sephiroth there, attacking the patron. Aeris will shout about how bad it is and he'll charge at her with himself his sword. He'll stop just short and ask what he's doing wrong.

THIS NEXT BIT IS VERY IMPORTANT

Ensure that you give the following answers in this order:

"Tell that to the people of Nibelheim."
"You were my hero!"
"What do you mean?"
"Tifa's available for a quick one if you fancy"
"No one is pure evil."
"Our friendship has pulled us through"
"Face your demons"
"Join us"
"..."
and when he asks where you intend to go next on your journey, DO NOT PICK THE NORTH CRATER. This will cause the game to freeze. Instead, pick "The Honey Bee Inn."

What follows next is a bit risqué, but I think after that hard work recruiting Sephiroth, you deserve it.

---

Wolf Kanno

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Wolf Kanno

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Del Murder

3. How to revive Aeris

---

To be perfectly honest with everyone writing this thread, I feel this a terribly inappropriate topic to be talking about in a video game forum; especially in the VII forum since this is definetly a topic more for EoEO.

How its been going on for over 30 pages is beyond me but I guess this would be a common problem for people from your generation so I guess I can offer a bit of advice for you.

Since I'm certain you are all aware that reviving Aerith (its Aerith not Aeris, at least have the decency to know about the games you obsess over correctly) is impossible. The bitch is dead and is either worm food or more likely bloated and rotting in the middle of the lake in the City of the Ancients. Of course, I'm certain you all are smart enough to understand this; so this thread obviously is about how to relieve "Wanker's Cramp" caused by Aerith(Aeris). Which is obviously the cute nickname you gave your "dirty hand".

The best ways to relieve the sore sensation of "Wanker's Cramp" is to do the following:

1) Keep your videogame time to a minimum so you don't add extra strain.
2) Rub muscle relaxant on your arms
3) Use proper exercise for forearm strength
4) Try to have your "sexy internet time" a couple of days apart to allow "Aerith" to rest. Not to mention "Little Cloud" or Little Zack" (depending on what you decide to name it) also needs some rest as well. ;)

You could also avoid all this by going outside once in awhile and finding yourself a girlfriend/boyfriend and let them worry about this. Course you are all probably doing this cause its the fun way to get "Popeye arms" so you can go that extra mile to be like your hero for life, Cloud. Yet, I feel I should warn you that "Wanker's Cramp" is a serious condition and one that shouldn't be taken lightly. May my advice help you for your future cosplay dreams. :cool:

---

Momiji

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Momiji

Okay, first of all, sorry for the delay.

Anyway...

Quote:

---

How to get Spheroth on Final fantasy seven?

---

You would want that wouldn't you? Haven't you ever tried using Google before? Are you THAT cheap that you can't just buy a GameShark? Seriously, they've gotta be selling by the nickel now...

But of course, since you seem to enjoy letting stupid comments and requests and thoughts flow from your fingers just as the allergenic misery flows from my nose, I'll answer in an equally stupid response with the REAL WAY TO GET SEPHIROTH!

First of all, to get what I THINK you wanted to say was Sephiroth, you need to follow these instructions exactly. You'll have to restart if you screw up.

1. First of all, this has to be on a first edition run of the game, from Japan. That's right, you have to take a step above the common wapanese and actually attempt to learn Japanese to play this.
2. Turn on your EcksbawksWii60Station3, and insert the disc, and close the tray.
3. Keep in mind that you MUST NOT SAVE YOUR GAME THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE PLAYTHROUGH!!!!!!!!! VERY IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!
4. Start singing 'One Winged Angel' perfectly during the opening video of the game. If you do it right, you should see Sephiroth's face instead of Aeris' face during the video.
5. During the Nibelheim flashback, you'll need to spend exactly 6 hours, 6 minutes, and 6 seconds using Sephiroth in the random encounters. No more, no less!
6. Okay, here's where it gets really tricky. When you get to the scene where Sephiroth kills Aeris, open the CD tray right as Sephiroth is about to appear. Now, insert the third disc of Final Fantasy VIII, and wait 20 minutes. As long as you don't turn off the system or press any buttons, your progress will not be erased. However, if you sing the Chocobo theme for 5 minutes straight, you do not have to wait the entire 20 minutes. Inserting the FFVIII disc is important because if you want Sephiroth in your party, you need a new villain. Doing this will make Ultimecia the final boss instead.
7. Take out the FFVIII disc and re-insert the FFVII disc-- upside down this time. Doing this will reverse the fall, as if Sephiroth never came down to begin with. Instead, Sephiroth will push Squall (who happens to appear when you insert the FFVIII disc) down and he will kill Aeris. This will naturally piss off Cloud and company, so be ready for a fight. Of course, you can't defeat Squall since he's a better character than every FFVII character combined, so you just have to lose the battle.
8. With the rest of the FFVII party dead, you will now controll Squall for the rest of the game. It's a solo run for a while, so do your best!
9. Breed 4 gold chocobos and give them these names in this order:
1. "The Game"
2. "Lost"
3. "Just"
4. "You"
10. Now, take these 4 chocobos one by one to the hidden place on the map where you find 10 Knights of the Round materia. Useless of course, since Squall uses Junctions, not Materia. Still, you must do this!
11. Now, go to Battle Square in the Gold Saucer. Play until you have enough points for Omnislash, and buy it. Be sure you collect 66 Tissues as well. (You thought those were worthless, didn't you?)
12. Now, junction Omnislash to your Gunblade, and go back into Battle Square. Survive to the end, and there you will find Sephiroth. Defeat him. Don't worry, you won't kill him.
13. When defeated, Sephiroth will start to run away.
14. You have exactly 5 seconds to name your Gold Chocobos in reverse order. Sephiroth will turn around and stab Squall for mentioning that. Since you now no longer have any playable characters, Sephiroth will tell you that you must help him defeat Ultimecia so he can be the one to destroy the Planet.

Congratulations, you now can control Sephiroth for the rest of the game. Enjoy.

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Wow... I feel like I choked in this round :cry:

Let's get those votes in! There will be 3 finalists and 2 have pretty much been determined, but your votes might help that last person!

The final round will either be really fun or a big disaster. How's that for a teaser?

Ok results are in!

Flying Mullet - 4
Heath - 3
Momiji - 2
Wolf Kanno - 0
Vermachtnis - 0

Congrats to Flying Mullet, Heath, and Momiji for being our finalists!

Here is your final task. I hope you like it!

Your task is to create trolling thread in the FFVII forums! Very important, you must put in bold text at the top of your initial post that this is for the troll competition. Your thread can be about anything you want except the three topics that were your choice in round 2. Also, you must post at least 2 replies in your thread and at most 5 replies.

Once a few days after your thread has been up, or you have made your 5 replies, I will close the thread and we'll vote on who did the best. Let's hope things don't get too much out of hand here, but I think this has potential for fun. Past contestants and all others, feel free to participate in these threads as you please.

Oooh, I like. I need some time to think up a good one, though.

Oooh, this sounds fun. Now to come up with a good trolling thread...

EDIT: Yeah, what Momiji said. xD

Good luck!

I will brave through my 30kb/s Internet speed to troll the Final Fantasy VII forum. Oh, my entire life has been leading up to this point.

Good luck.

+50 Red Wizard points to Heath for being the first and only one to actually attempt this.

Heath wins?

http://i90.photobucket.com/albums/k2...424116104b.png

I'll give the other guys 24 hours to get their threads up or else Heath wins by default!

Sorry, I won't have time to put up a thread. :(

smurf it, all of this feels contrived. It's not trolling if no one gets mad at it. I feel sick right now and don't feel like doing much in a creative sense anyway. It's all yours, Heath.

that's kind of anticlimactic. :( still, well done Heath :monster:

It can't be helped really. I've had a splitting headache all day, and I feel like I'm going to throw up... and I won't have time tomorrow, I've got a loaded day of classes. :x

Excuses, excuses :nonono:

Anti-props, guys. :mad2: Anti-kudos, even.

I honestly wouldn't be averse to letting the competition run a few more days if it'd lead to us seeing what Momiji and Mulley would've come up with.

How much effort does it take to make a stupid thread? I don't know why you guys had in your head this whole time that being a troll requires you to make long ass posts. Short and sweet would have won a lot of these events for me.

I guess because it started off long people thought ARGH MUST MAKE LONG POST OR WILL LOSE

I think everyone who was eliminated could do a better job!

(Meaning they might do it period).

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Del Murder

How much effort does it take to make a stupid thread? I don't know why you guys had in your head this whole time that being a troll requires you to make long ass posts. Short and sweet would have won a lot of these events for me.

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jessweeee♪

I think everyone who was eliminated could do a better job!

(Meaning they might do it period).

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Gaaah, fine. Now hush.

Fine: http://forums.eyesonff.com/final-fan...ml#post2653593

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Wolf Kanno

Quote:

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Originally Posted by squiike

Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!11one11!!! which do u think is best? tifa or aerizzzZ? breast over brain yeah! omgz rolf. And i absolutely love the One winged angel song! omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

and sephiroth is teh sexxorz :love:

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Such an intelligent post requires a thorough and specialized breakdown of its components in order to answer to the best of my ability and to make sure that each question is answered to a satisfactory level. Let us begin:

Quote:

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Omg tifa got big braestssS!!!

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I am not quite sure what BraestssS are. Though if I were to take an educated guess, I would think you were referring to, in your overly enthusiastic manner, Brest, the seaport in France that served as a submarine dock for Germany in WWII, or you meant Breast as in the feminine anaotomy. Since I feel its obvious that you cannot be referring to the first definition, I will assume its the second since you have apparently come of age and realized what that "skin stick" in your trousers is for.

In the case of this second defintion, I would hope she would have breasts unless there was a breast cancer subplot I didn't know about cause its only revealed in the Ultimania Alpha Omega 2nd edition. They release so many its hard to keep track of sometimes.

Quote:

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11one11!!!

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Actually I would hope she has two breasts unless you mean breast in the plural sense. Then again, I could be missing that wonderful rewrite in the Compilation Ultimaina. :roll2

Quote:

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which do u think is best?

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Seriously? My options are limited, the right breast or the left... She always looked anatomically correct in some pictures but I guess with your obvious study upon her pictures, you may notice that one is slightly bigger. To humor you, I will say the left one is definetly superior.

Quote:

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tifa or aerizzzZ?

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Oh, you meant who was the best between these two... I guess I'll choose the one that is still alive since its obvious my chances of getting with this fictional character is better if she is alive. Course Necrophilia might be popular in your junior high.

Quote:

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breast over brain yeah!

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Obviously this is a rhetorical question, seeing as how Aerith decided to go off alone to use Holy and got herself killed. I feel its obvious she isn't the smart one. Of course, Tifa kept world shattering secrets from Cloud, cause obviously the longer you wait to tell him the less likely he'll think he's nuts. Right...?

Quote:

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And i absolutely love the One winged angel song! omg they sing in a language i cant understand and its so mysterious and uber cool!

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Seeing as it translates to "I'm angry and my name is Sephiroth" I can see why it had to be cleverly disguised in another language so the teenage angst was not overly apparent. I can understand how someone of your striking intellect could understand the true depth and prose of the lyrics and musical score and even relate to its character defining lyrics despite not knowing what they are singing. Truly, VII fans are gods among men.

Quote:

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and sephiroth is teh sexxorz :love:

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I must say I am terribly excited about the prospect that this game may lead you to making a life choice that could possibly lead you to never breeding. Don't worry about not having any progeny as you will be reincarnated through the Lifestream or something like that so you are eternal.

Regretfully though, I need to inform you that your future prospects with Sephiroth are not likely. First, he's not real but that doesn't necessarily mean you can't print pictures of him and have your way with them. Instead, the other issue is that Sephiroth only loves his mother. Deeply, its obvious from the game canon that Sephiroth has no interest in woman, how else can you explain his ability to not be memorized by Tifa's breast. I mean look at them...

Please keep both hands on the keyboard as you read this! Anyway...
Jenova will be the only woman for Sephiroth, course it seems obvious he does like things that have Jenova in them so feel comfort in knowing that it is still likely that your 500 page manifesto on Cloud/Sephiroth/Zack slash flick is still canoncial as both Cloud and Zack have Jenova cells in them and thus explains his rather unhealthy obsession with them and all the wonderful sexual tension they have in the scenes with each other.

Thank you for bringing your wonderful enlightenment to our forums.

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Damn, Kanno! You deserve 10 reps for that post. It's too late for me to enter, but I wouldn't have a chance against him.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Momiji

smurf it, all of this feels contrived. It's not trolling if no one gets mad at it.

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I dunno, I get the feeling one or two people took my thread seriously.

But yes, I actually think Mullet and Momiji would do better than me at this anyway, and so I was rather looking forward to seeing their threads!

We did post threads you know :x

You did not!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jessweeee♪

You did not!

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by Momiji

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Del Murder

How much effort does it take to make a stupid thread? I don't know why you guys had in your head this whole time that being a troll requires you to make long ass posts. Short and sweet would have won a lot of these events for me.

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jessweeee♪

I think everyone who was eliminated could do a better job!

(Meaning they might do it period).

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Gaaah, fine. Now hush.

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:kaofight:

Don't punch her, how rude! :o

Yes, that was very rude ;_;!

Don't make false accusations, then.

They weren't false :kaoangry:

Please vote for your winner! Vote for 1 person by sending me a PM.

Heath:
http://forums.eyesonff.com/final-fan...cts-ffvii.html

Flying Mullet:
http://forums.eyesonff.com/final-fan...ior-ffvii.html

Momiji:
http://forums.eyesonff.com/final-fan...e-garbage.html

Oh yeah, this thing. Heath won with all four of the votes. Congrats Heath for being such a meanie!

Tune in next month for FFVIII's Crazy Theories Competition.

GJ Heath! :monster:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Del Murder

Oh yeah, this thing. Heath won with all four of the votes. Congrats Heath for being such a meanie!

Tune in next month for FFVIII's Crazy Theories Competition.

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MJN SEIFER vs. Future Esthar, go!

Me and Lance have one that could fly.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Momiji

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Del Murder

Oh yeah, this thing. Heath won with all four of the votes. Congrats Heath for being such a meanie!

Tune in next month for FFVIII's Crazy Theories Competition.

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MJN SEIFER vs. Future Esthar, go!

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But what if they combine forces! :eek:

Can I just re-submit my S=U theory and call it a day for that competition or does that count as trolling? ;)

I resubmitted a couple of "How to revive Aeris" pieces I had written before, so I would hope you would be able to.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Flying Mullet

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Momiji

MJN SEIFER vs. Future Esthar, go!

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But what if they combine forces! :eek:

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You make me sound like I'm posessed by Hyne or something :p