There have been quite a few times in the Final Fantasy series where you just stared at the screen and thought “what the heck did I just play”. Using magic doesn’t phase you. Strange creatures don’t phase you. These moments though? These make you just audibly say, “What the smurf?”
5 Final Fantasy VIII’s Concert
In VIII, Selphie and Irvine try to set up a date for Squall and Rinoa as well as celebrating his new command position. You get the lovely task of selecting instruments for the remaining cast to play on this date. It’s all a variation of Eyes on Me but each instrument has a bit of a different tune. You can have a lovely celtic sounding composition, or possibly a Jazz one. Or, like many players, you'll end up with a sound that causes weaker willed people’s ears to bleed.
Oh and a very awkward laugh to be had about it? A porn magazine is involved. Being the nice guy he is, Irvine leaves Squall a magazine to help him get Riona and Squall “in the mood.” Yeah. YEAH.
4 Final Fantasy IX’s Tinkle Tinkle
Vivi always seemed to look up to Zidane as a role model or at least someone who could give him advice. Creepily, Eiko is around the corner listening to the entire interaction the two of them have.
Sharing a bro moment, Zidane tells Vivi about a “ritual between male friends” which involves *Tinkle* *Tinkle*ing off the edge of the cliff. You quickly understand that tinkle tinkling is not just a sound affect but what they are doing. What’s weird is Eiko is listening to the whole thing. She's like five! She's already creepily in love with Zidane and now she is thinking about him as he pees! But hey, at least we know for sure what gender Vivi is under that hat and cloak.
3 Ultros Crashing Final Fantasy VI’s Opera
The whole Opera event is weird on its own. You have to act as opera singers flawlessly in order to continue when, out of the blue, Ultros decides to crash the party. Breaking the fourth wall you say? Ultros doesn’t hold back with his comments as he uses his tentacley appendages to knock it down.
You get a countdown to stop Ultros. The amusing thing is that even if you fail to stop him and have to re-preform the Opera all over again, he’ll still come back to mess it up. It all ends with Locke using his horrible acting skills to try and save the show.
The whole scene is just out of place and even more so with Ultros. It just causes that eyebrow to raise.
2 Final Fantasy IV’s Developer Room
What’s so strange about this one is that it doesn’t just break the fourth wall, it shatters it. Hiding away in Dwarf Castle you’ll be able to find a secret room that has all the developers just chilling out and chatting as random sprites. Heck the battle Director Itou appears as a random battle for you. You can even recruit the game Designer Takashi Tokita for your party! (kinda)
That’s not even the end of it. You know that whole porn incident earlier? Well here it is again. You can find a porn magazine for Cecil there. Upon using it he’ll say “Now this is what I call great literature!” as he reads it. Yeah. A porn magazine.
Even in its remade versions, IV still keeps that room around but, they add in the newer staff that helped remake the game as well to the original staffers chilling out in the Dev room.
1 Final Fantasy VII’s Honey Bee Inn
If for any reason you didn’t think this was going to be at the top then you really haven’t played the game have you? On the very odd side quest to make Cloud look like a girl you have to go to the Honey Bee Inn. Cloud needs some underwear and he has two choices of rooms to pick from.
As you enter the first room, it quickly gets full of bodybuilders in spandex. You then end up having to join all of them in the bathtub. Yes. Bathtub. You and very muscled men jump in a bathtub together. Some very awkward dialog happens and you tend to just think “what. the. smurf.”
But just you wait! Had you decided to pick the second door Cloud seems to be having another one of his mental trips and passes out. The honeybee girl screams and as you’re coming too, you hear a bit of *rub rub* and even a *squish* in the darkness. You wake up to a muscle man sitting on you giving you a “massage”. I think you were just violated. The honeybee girl even says “I’m so sorry… There’s a lot of ‘adult’ things going on…" Yeah. I feel a bit sorry for Cloud.
YEAH. WHAT THE $@%# JUST HAPPENED? If you feel we (Freya and your favorite FF CK, Wolf Kanno) missed something or feel like our countdown was wrong, feel free to chime in! You’ll be wrong of course, but that doesn’t mean we don’t want to o_O at other scenes!
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